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is this a good intro?
for my cause and affect research paper...last sentence is my thesis
President Barack Obama presented a 3.8 trillion dollar budget for the fiscal year 2011, which includes a hefty 1.56 trillion dollar deficit in the budget. With a record in federal spending and a juicy deficit, what are the consequences on such a big deficit and how does it affect the U.S economy and its inhabitants.
3 Answers
- 1 decade ago
Your intro should contain the answer to that question, or at least foreshadow the argument. Something like; the budget deficit will have a negative impact on the economy and the nation through a reduction in various social programs, higher inflation, and may even present a challenge to relative US geo-strategic pre-eminence in the global economic market (or whatever your arguments are). It's not a novel, and what people don't want to be doing is having to search for that answer in the essay - they want to have the answer up front and be searching for the evidence in the essay.
Also replace 'juicy' with something less flowery, like 'big' or 'large' or 'expansive'.
- 1 decade ago
Very confusing thesis, thesis should be quite clear and you are too unbiased. Thesis shouldn't be in question form. Thesis is better in the beginning.
Your info does not explain the consequences you need more background info that explains why the money is such a big hit.
- 1 decade ago
In my opinion, it gets to the point too fast. Make it a bit more exciting or something.
