People caring for elderly people in nursing homes, what has your experience been? My dad...?

We had to move my Mom to an assisted living a few years ago. She was seeing things and I cannot begin to tell you how horrible this was.

We moved my Mom to my house. Oh my that did not work. After an eternity of things happening for the worst for my Mom, we put her in an assisted living place near me. This was not good. The dr here didn't bother to put her on the correct medicine and she was miserable to all around her.

Then she wanted to go back up where she had lived for years. She had looked at an assisted living place. She was fairly good there for a while. Then they had to move her to the Alzheimer's unit.

Sorry it took me so long to get here. The women in that unit actually did a good job. I can actually say that. They sometimes were annoying of course because this person that they are caring for is your most beloved one. Sighing.....

No one can take care of your loved one the way you do. But I knew that I could not care for my Mom the way they could with nurses and doctors so close by.

I have heard of horror stories. My Mom did die two years ago but when I hear bad stories, it still upsets me. The thought of anyone not taking care of anyone with respect just gives me quivers and gives me the want to hurt them. I do not feel that way towards anyone ever. UNLESS someone hurts the elderly or a child.

Someone who cannot help themselves....well we do not want me to go there.

When I heard what that couple did that cared for the elderly home in New Orleans and then were found innocent. I do not understand. I thought for sure they would be found guilty. Wonder what people think about...letting all those people die needlessly. Then their peers find them innocent..wow! It is just amount of time before they find the money and do it again somewhere else.

But yes there were times that my Mom was a cantankerous lady. But this was not her fault. It was tough to remember that sometimes. I guess there will be some guilt in my heart for the rest of my life. It was such a tough time. I did not understand Alzheimer's at that time. I have learned so much during that time. I can tell you all kinds of things now about that awful disease. But we do not know when we need to know.Do not argue and don't try to reason. They do not understand no matter how much you explain. This is a disease, an awful disease.

This is why I said the place my Mom was in did understand this disease. So if this is where you are ever...be sure that they do. That is why I feel they did do much better than most.

But they will never take care of your loved one like you do. But keep looking to find the best one if needed. It will give you SOME peace of mind. :)

I’ve worked in healthcare for about 14 years and the majority of that time has been with the geriatric population in various nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and assisted living facilities. I was a Certified Nursing Assistant, attended nursing school, and now work as an occupational therapist and I’ve seen and heard a lot. I will say that not all facilities are the same, and neither are the facilities’ staff. Usually, the more upscale facilities are able to pay better wages and provide better benefits and are more select in their employee hiring practices. Other facilities have low budgets and it shows in the services they provide and the staff they hire. However, the majority of caregivers in nursing homes are hard workers and truly care about the residents. Although, there are always the "bad apples" that don’t want to do their share of the work and tend to neglect their patients...even more rarely do you come across the criminals who steal from or abuse their patients. Unfortunately you’ll find people like that in any profession. It sounds like you made the best choice with your options, Kar. At least you had your father close and were able to check on him and you chose the best facility you could find. You’ll never know what would have happened with him living alone, even with a caregiver assisting him at times (a serious fall, stroke, or somehow injuring himself and unable to contact help) ... and there’s no way you could’ve foreseen what would occur in the nursing home, but at least you were more available to visit, check on him, get to know the staff, etc. I’ve had to tell many families that their loved one is no longer able to live alone and recommended nursing homes or assisted living and I know it’s never an easy choice, it’s actually quite agonizing. You did the right thing.

I’ve worked in healthcare for about 14 years and the majority of that time has been with the geriatric population in various nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and assisted living facilities. I was a Certified Nursing Assistant, attended nursing school, and now work as an occupational therapist and I’ve seen and heard a lot. I will say that not all facilities are the same, and neither are the facilities’ staff. Usually, the more upscale facilities are able to pay better wages and provide better benefits and are more select in their employee hiring practices. Other facilities have low budgets and it shows in the services they provide and the staff they hire. However, the majority of caregivers in nursing homes are hard workers and truly care about the residents. Although, there are always the "bad apples" that don’t want to do their share of the work and tend to neglect their patients...even more rarely do you come across the criminals who steal from or abuse their patients. Unfortunately you’ll find people like that in any profession.

It sounds like you made the best choice with your options, Kar. At least you had your father close and were able to check on him and you chose the best facility you could find. You’ll never know what would have happened with him living alone, even with a caregiver assisting him at times (a serious fall, stroke, or somehow injuring himself and unable to contact help) ... and there’s no way you could’ve foreseen what would occur in the nursing home, but at least you were more available to visit, check on him, get to know the staff, etc. I’ve had to tell many families that their loved one is no longer able to live alone and recommended nursing homes or assisted living and I know it’s never an easy choice, it’s actually quite agonizing. You did the right thing.

I had the same experience with my grandmother. Some of the aides were so great at what they did and should have been paid twice what they were earning, and then there were those obviously TOXIC personalities who probably should never be alone with a patient. It's scary to think about being in that situation, myself someday.

I know several people in the community who work as aides in the local nursing home and they have always been so mean to others. Why would they be hired for that job? They picked on people way back in school and haven't changed at all. Must be relatives of those who run the facilities.

I have copied and pasted the answer I gave to another question. I think it is appropriate here too.

I think when they were established, long ago they were an answer to "busy", could afford it, point of status, Many varied reasons, none of them good. There are those circumstances when the family simply does not have the skills. The patient would be totally dependent, requiring other specialties such as tube feeding. I could go on and on about the reasons in the "olden" days. It became a practice, grand mom was in a home, when the time came, mom would be in a home. The truth of the scenario as it would relate to someone who needed assistance but was still quite aware of her surroundings was major horror story. That would be mostly due to depression over the feeling, rightfully, of abandonment and loneliness.

You will see many of my answers end with "Don't warehouse your loved ones!"

Many times it would be less expensive to make a place in your home, interview pleasant caregivers, they need not be licensed and you can assess their skills, such as being aware of skin care, how well diet is taken, recording bodily functions. This person could be hired to live-in, free room and board, a small but appropriate salary taking into consideration the expense of her room and board. In this day I know there are many able bodied women who would jump at a chance for that security, would most likely bond with mother. The arrangement would allow you freedom to carry on with your life, but easily have time to spend with mom without resentment.

Don't warehouse your loved ones! June

My mother said she wanted us to never put her in a nursing home, ever. We broke that promise and to make it worse, the mother of nine did not get the visiting she so badly needed.

The staffing was varied, some people could be so nice and others you would wonder how they kept their jobs working with people.

Like you, I seen her go through therapy each week. She would smile at me when I got there to visit. She ate better since the food was served three times a day.

Our elders were raised to be independent and had to stand alone. Now, we have to reverse the roles and help them in every days tasks and it does feel strange at first. It doesn't get any easier as time passes.

There are very good homes and very bad ones. Luckily my family has been blessed to have been in the good ones. I worked in several Nursing Homes for 11 years and I was lucky to work in the good ones. There is no excuse for poor health care. A good thing to do is not to go visit your loved one at the same time everyday, the staff will know when to expect you and know to have certain things done. Go at different times of the day to see if things are like they should be.♥

If you feel that things are not up to the standard you would like for your dad then you have a right to complain to the home manager and don`t beat about the bush. You want the best for your dad and he is paying for this service. If this doesn't bring results then threaten to report your concerns to the Care Commissions Standards. In actual fact the nursing home will have the contact number for them and asking for it just might make them buck their ideas up.

My mother is 40 years old at the moment and one thing she made us promise her is to never put her in an nursing home. Thank God she has 4 kids, so we can take turns, but I don't plan on pitching off my own mother in a home, after all the years she has taken care of us, and practically worked herself to death, No Thank you!!!

Why didn't you just hire a live in nanny? I don't think a lot of old folks in nbursing homes are treated right.

I believe in assisted suicide over a nursing home. I want dignity in my life and death.