i need a funny joke to tell my boyfriend....?

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very

sexually promiscuous and does not take precautions. A week after

arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his

****, covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately go to see his doctor. The doctor, never having

seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to

return in a two days, for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very

rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."

The man looks a little relieved and says

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc."

The doctor answers

"I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your

penis."

The man screams in horror,

"Oh no! I want a second opinion!"

The doctors replies,

"Well it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only

choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll

know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his ****, and proclaims

"Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Velly lare disease."

The guys says to the doctor,

"Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do? My American

doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs,

"Stupid Amellican doctor! Amellican doctor, always want to opulate. Make

more money, that way. No need to to opulate!"

"Oh thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeky, **** fall

off by self!"

x

Who am I?

I am very useful and usually found to be in the area of about seven inches long. I'm enjoyed by both sexes and you can find me hung, dangling, and ready for action. I have a bunch of small hairy things on the bottom end and a little hole on the top. Ninety-nine percent of the time I'm inserted without objection, slowly at first, into a warm, moist, fleshy entrance where I thrust in and out repeatedly with an increase in speed and body movement. Most anyone would recognise the peculiar sounds I make while being used.

When I'm finished I leave behind a creamy, sticky, white substance which you'll need to clean from the main opening it entered and my shaft to prevent it from dripping or staining. After I am done and you're filled with satisfaction I'm left dangling, hoping for a second or third return later in the afternoon or evening. I am your toothbrush!!!.

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I believe those jokes are humorous... Where does Dracula hold his cash? In the blood financial institution! What sort of espresso do vampires drink? De-coffin-ated! Why did the boy begin a garden care provider? He desired to rake in a few coins! Where do ghosts make their beer? At the boo-ery! (brewery) What do you get while 354 blueberries attempt to get via one door while? Blueberry jam! Why used to be the musician arrested? He obtained in treble! Why are not able to a nostril be twelve inches lengthy? Because then it might be a foot! What sort of enamel price $a million? A greenback teeth! What does a termite consume for breakfast? Oak-meal! What's the pleasant method to name a dinosaur? Long distance! What did the dinosaur say while the volcano erupted? It's this kind of lava-ly day! Why had been the strawberries so disillusioned? They had been in a jam! Why did the individuals dance to the vegetable band? It had a well beet (beat) What sort of horse handiest comes out on Halloween? A night time-mare! What did the skeleton however on the marketplace? Spare ribs! What day do fish hate? Fry-day!

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first guy again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

Here is another one:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

Three guys are sitting across from the guiness book of world records building. One guy says to the other, "I think I have the biggest hands in the world." he goes across the street for awhile. Later he walks back looking very happy. He says, "I DO have the biggest hands!!" Another guy says..."I think I have the biggest feet in the world." He goes across the street and soon returns happy as well! "Im going to be in the record book! I DO have the biggest feet in the world!!" The third guy kinda hems and haws, then he admits to the other men, "I...I think I may have the smallest penis in the world..." He leaves the other two and goes into the building. He comes out pissed as hell. He walks up to the men and they ask him, "do you have the smallest penis?" He replies, "NO, and who the **** is (insert boyfriend's name here)!?"

I told this to my boyfriend and he LOVED it, he was soo excited to tell it at his next boy night, of course inserting one of their names. Its a great joke, I love it! Hope this helps!

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" The little girl in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet sweet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon weally gives a thit."

knock knock

who's there?

i'm up

i'm up who

say it out loud if you dont get it.

Kenya is sad because they lost their village idiot. Obama.

Knock Knock (Who's there?)

Horsp (Horsp Who?)

Haha! HORSE POO !!