Baby shower vent! Baby shower vent!?

Let your mom host a shower that includes just your family (and your hubbie's family). There's no leaving out any family members and you'll still receive some of the gifts you need to start you out. I totally agree with the poster who suggested craigslist - babies only use bouncers/swings/exersaucers for 3-6 months and everyone feels they need them, so there are a ton of them posted for around $30. You can also look into a parents of multiples support group because they tend to sell at a discount to other parents of multiples in their group first.

I know that you belong to a big church, I do too. I've found if you're not actively involved in a small group or Sunday school class, and serving regularly, you can have lots of Sunday acquaintances but don't develop deeper friendships. After the baby's born, see if your church has a MOPS group where you can get to know some women on a more personal level. Then, when you have sick kids and need a helping hand, you'll have a friend close by to help. I was totally blessed with 6 showers (2 hosted by different sides of my huge family, 1 for my friends , 1 for the teachers and parents of the students in my class hosted by two former parents, 1 hosted by the school board on which I served, and 1 hosted by my Sunday school class - the more you give your life in service to others, the more willing they are to reciprocate when you need them) for my first and the couples in my Sunday school class set up a schedule and brought me meals every other day for a month after the baby arrived. When it came time for my second, I had three people ask about who was throwing me a shower and I just responded that nobody had offered, so I was going to have a last Girls' Night Out Before the Baby Comes instead. A friend volunteered to send out invitations and book a table at a local restaurant. We all went dutch and had a great time chatting and visiting together. The point is, if you don't have someone who loves you and is close by enough to volunteer to throw you a shower, you shouldn't be hosting one yourself because you think having TWINS means you deserve gifts. If you want to celebrate this pregnancy - and rightfully so - then have your friends over for brunch and enjoy brainstorming room themes, looking at baby catalogs, and sharing your excitement with them. You'll be too busy after the babies come to play hostess to friends, so put in some time now reaching out to them.

EDIT: Sorry, I don't track down your posts, so I didn't read your last rant about the fact that you feel unappreciated at church. Unfortunately, in a really large church, except for a couple volunteer appreciation brunches, volunteers are sometimes only noticed by their absence. I still hold to the "you need to be involved and invest in a deeper relationship." I appreciate our nursery director, preschool director, children's minister, and the changing cast of characters I volunteer with each week. If one of them were pregnant with twins, I might attend a shower, but I would never host one for someone I see three hours on Sundays. I would assume that they'd have a closer friend for that. Pick few, invest hard. I attend a church of over 1000, but I belong to a Sunday school class of 30 or so and we get together twice a month outside of Sunday school (once to clean up a local park we adopted and once for a social event): we bring meals to each other, go on a summer camping trip together, and generally live life together. If someone wasn't there on Sunday, we're the group who would notice and send an e-mail or call and see what's up. But, my showers were all hosted by people who were in my small circle: 3 women that I have known between 7-22 years (I attended kindergarten with one). Those are the ones that I *really* know: I know how their marriages are really doing and I've sacrificed my own grocery to send one couple on a marriage retreat when they were struggling, there's a woman who called me at 1a.m. and I got up to over and hold her screaming newborn when she was crying and at a loss of what to do. They're the people who know my weight loss struggles, my worries about my children, when I've had a bad day at work. One is driving 10 hours away to make a groom's cake in the shape of a piper airplane as MY gift for my sister's wedding. We spend intentional time together being real and being there for each other. If you have friends like that, then it's not hard to share with them how hurt you are that you don't feel acknowledged since no friend is throwing a shower - a real friend will step up.

If you have a long standing feud with your mother over your husband's family, I'd ask a sister/aunt/etc. to host a family shower for you. You don't have to have all your showers in the same place. My sister-in-law hosted a small shower (8 people) at a tea house that was local to her (about an 8 hour drive from where I live) so the relatives on that side wouldn't have to travel as far. Perhaps someone from your husband's side would host a shower for their relatives if you were willing to come to them! As I said, I had 6 showers: the smallest were those 8 people having high tea in my honor and the largest was a huge catered backyard extravaganza for 70 that was more formal than my wedding (hosted by the parents of my former students for the teachers and the parents). Don't think so much about what you think you deserve for a grand shower and accept what's been offered to you gracefully if someone is willing to honor you: even cupcakes during your Sunday school class is a sweet way of showing that they care.

Accept your moms offer. Let her throw hers with the people that she likes. Let your friend "HOST" a small one that you plan with small amount of guests. Do it in an intimate spot, like a restaurant where you don't have to clean up, and everyone spot themselves on the bill. (NOT TO MUCH TO ASK) Being pregnant is tough. Try to be optimistic. The better out look that you carry the better the pregnancy will be.

Also if there are things that you need for the babies that you do not receive don't be ashamed to purchase or receive second hand.

If you have a craigslist.com in your area that is a great place to find things at your desecration.

I wish you the best of luck with the babies. If you need to chat or vent feel free to email any time!

Sometimes you just have to take what is offered and be thankful its something as opposed to nothing. With my first pregnancy I was thrown 3 baby showers but 2 of the 3 were over an hour away and none of my friends were invited, only distant relatives I barely knew and friends of the hostess. The 3rd was thrown in my town but I didnt even know hardly anyone there. But instead of complaining i just took it because in the long run its still a nice gesture and you still benifit from it...any little bit helps.

Is there someone at your church that you can talk to? Could you talk to your mom about throwing you one at your house?

With my first baby no one offered to throw me a baby shower until my mom mentioned it to someone in our church who knew me from when I was a teenager. She was surprised and quickly threw her hat in the ring, got a bunch of ladies together, and threw me a baby shower. My family was invited, none came (other than my mom.) My friends were invited but most of them live out of the city now so they couldn't come. It was basically just a bunch of ladies from my church who knew me from the time I was a teen, some who I had babysat for, some who had just been like leaders and teachers and such. It was a WONDERFUL baby shower, and I enjoyed it immensely even though it wasn't my 'close friends', they were all so loving and happy to be a part of it. The presents weren't major, but were throughtful and I loved it all.

In other words, let your mom throw you one. So she invites people who you don't so much know. If they come, they're celebrating you and your babies and every little bit helps. :)

With my second baby... some in my family want to throw me a shower. I haven't been taking my daughter around them as much as they want, and they sort of have been doing all they can to show they want me around (or at least want HER around.) As in, for the first time in 20 years I actually got birthday presents (and threats for a birthday party even. It would be the first time in 20+ years and not something I want.) o_O This is one case where I'm turning them down for the shower. Your mom is stepping up with your first and isn't doing this to try and buy you. Let her celebrate this with you.

And if that really won't work, I really would go to the pastor's wife and say quietly that you would like a baby shower, but can't plan one because of how painful the pregnancy is, and was wondering if she could recommend someone in the church who would help you. There's got to be someone.

Well, someone DID offer, you said no. She can't not invite people that you want at YOUR shower.

Personally, I'd love to not have to deal with one. My baby shower was so awkward because I don't talk to my in laws and their family, and it was a hard balance between spending time with my friends, family and my husband's family. The whole time I was just waiting for the whole thing to be over.

pregnancy hormones can intensify your emotions ten fold.

I suggest that instead of throwing yourself a "baby shower" throw yourself a nice "i'm going to be a mummy" dinner. Invite all your church, friends, co-workers (if you work), in laws and family to come out to dinner at one of your fav restaurants at their own cost. If they choose to give you a gift, that's lovely. If not, no pressure.

Or have a bbq at a local park (or your back yard) and ask everyone to bring a plate of food, meat or drink to share with everyone else.

No need for games, prizes, stress. Just a laid back relaxed meal with friends.

thats how my 3rd pregnancy was. its my hubbys first son and no one offered to throw one for my son, especially it being his first born none of his family offered, they just asked if anyone else was going to throw one for me. my first 2 my mother threw for me but i practically did all the planning and shopping for it, and i payed for some stuff. so its like a practically did it on my own, but i had alot of fun with it and it was worth it when the baby shower actually came. so planing it and doing it on your own isnt so bad, just get help from whoever you can

I would be upset too.

I would just forget about it ( even though it seems like a big thing to forget about) and consentrate all your energy on these two precious babys you have coming!

I know myself, and I would feel bitter after the twins arrived lol, I would decline visits left right and center... I know... that's a b.tch thing to do, but I know I would do it. ...

did u talk to the farthers family maybe they will help..or a friend that lives in the same town..or the father can help through it..i know it sucks..i would be upset too..i hope everything goes ok..god bless..and congrates on the twins...