Ladies! men! and romantics! Is this a pretty good one year anniversary letter?

A cheetah can carry three times its body weight up a tree.

Whether or not this letter sweeps you off your feet in a blustery wind of emotions and romantic euphemisms, at least you will have learned something.

One absolutely breath-takingly beautiful wife? Check

One somewhat studly, perfectly average penis toting husband? Check

One perfectly blissful and happy year of marriage? Eh close enough

A year has passed since you led me sneakily down a municipal court aisle to say two simple words that would forever bind us in holy matrimony… just so we’re clear; I’m talking about us getting married that day in Lewiston exactly one year ago. I know that sometimes I can be a bit mysterious! One of my many attractive traits that I utilized to woo you into falling head over heels for me.

A year has passed since a delicious frozen treat from a Dairy Queen danced its way across our taste buds, pausing here and there to leave a lingering taste of total awesome before making its second to last stop in our tummies.

A year has passed since my love for you became a legal requirement… which is, of course, completely unnecessary. My love for you will always be, whether I’m bound by a legal contract or not!

I guess what I’m really trying to get across is… WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which calls for all an all caps mass exclamation point kind of celebration!

We made it sweetie, one year. You know they say the first is the hardest, the second is the longest, and the third… well we’ll just deal with the third when it gets here!

This past year has been the most stressful, emotional, frustrating, annoying, crazy year of my entire life. That being said, I couldn’t be happier that from the first day, through to the three hundred and sixty-fifth, you were there by my side. Yes we had our low points, (random fights, a month of sleeping on the couch, and how could we forget our close call almost divorce?) we were dealt quite a few unexpected blows, (my broken penis, a horrendously negative pair of bank accounts, my rather harsh and unhappy mother) but after all that and everything else we’ve gone through we’re still here and in love. A feat that I truly believe only you and I could have been able to accomplish and I can’t tell you sweetie how proud I am of us, and how much I love you, for sticking together through some really unhappy times.

Okay, so I’ve had something on my mind for the past year that I’ve really wanted to tell you. Are you ready? You better be cause here it comes!

I LOVE YOU AMANDA! I am so completely, entirely in love with you hun, that Shakespeare wishes he could write a sonnet about us. A sonnet filled with loving words, iambic pentameter, and probably one or two doth thou’s thrown in for good measure.

I believe it was Jennifer Hudson who once said, “How come love always has to be a battlefield? Battlefield? Battlefield? How come love always has to be a battlefield?” Now apart from being extremely redundant, this is also an over generalization/ over exaggeration. Love isn’t always a battlefield…battlefield…battlefield… sorry got sucked into her trap. Love is a walk up and down the streets of the city you call home with the person you call your second half. Love is a day trip to the coast, even if the weatherman says it’s going to be cold, rainy, and potentially miserable; only to find out that there is only a slight breeze, and the sun is putting up one hell of a fight with those rain clouds. Love is a drug, and I have a confession to make, I’m an addict. If I don’t get my daily fix, I’ll give Jerrod’s crack dance a run for its money. Love is like a massive overload of all of our emotions, and the only way to release all of those emotions is by kissing your soft, oh so sweet lips… or a good old fashion mattress mambo session. Love isn’t cleaning the house, doing the dishes, or attempting to keep the colossal laundry pile at bay; love is doing those things, and all other favors and chores because the person you’re doing them for appreciates it. Love is the feeling that fills my metaphorical heart when you curl up next to me as we’re falling asleep. Love is the breath that you have literally taken away from me on more than one occasion for simply being absolutely beautiful.

In a world that is forever changing from day to day, I’m glad I have one aspect of my life that will never change, my love for you.

Happy one year anniversary shnookems,

See you in 365 for round two!

As always; love to the 8 turned sideways, shmagoogan, oodles and bunches,

Me