Should I go or shouldn't I?

Question

Continue with the earlier question about funeral. Just talked to my best friend about going to another friend's father's funeral. I don't know his father, however due to work we meet as a group 2-3 times a week, we do great team work and become ok friends as well, however we only meet for work and celebrations but not on a personal basis. I think it's logical to go to his father's funeral even though I am a bit scared of it as I have never been to one before. On the same day I am attending my 6 year old child's school event, job seeking appointment and plus this funeral. My best friend is shouting at me that I should be there for the kid as it's the last day of school and there is a marathon; it's bad luck going to funeral; I was already discouraged by my fear of going, however I think I should support this friend as we do good team work together. The other team member is not going as she is freaking out as well) I just really don't know what to do now. My best friend seems to have her point, so what's the purpose of me going, just to make this friend feel better and make my best friend feel bad that I didn't take her advise? 
I had my PT graduation last months and I had a few friends coming to help me celebrate and that made my evening so special! This friend was there too and I appreciated that!
If I am going, I will have to fit all the events in and going with fear of the funeral. Do you think that by me being there the benefit is more than me not going? 
I just like to know what everyone else is thinking. Only mature answers please!  I am not doing anything else the whole morning and just trying to find solution to this issue.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You could send flowers and a heartfelt card. That way your friend will know you are thinking of him and his father. A lot of my friends did that when my grandma died.

marys.momma · Answer

The note attached to this question said that it was originally asked on Yahoo! Answers, Australia.  Are you still in Australia?

Here in the USA, funerals are usually in several parts.  The first part is usually held in a funeral home.  The deceased person's body has been dressed nicely and cosmetics applied, and it is on view in the casket (coffin) with the upper half showing.  The family gathers in a large parlor in the funeral home, there are usually lots of floral arrangements, and friends come to express condolences and sign a guest book.  This is what most people mean by "going to a funeral".  It's usually held for a couple of hours in the afternoon and again for a couple of hours in the evening.  

The viewing may be followed by a religious funeral service, held later that day, or the next day.  It can take place in a church, a chapel, or even at the funeral home itself.  Family and close friends attend this service, although I've been to some services where many people came.  

If the body is to be buried in a cemetery, the family follows the hearse there, and there may be a brief commitment ceremony.  If the deceased was prominent, perhaps more people might go too.

To answer your question:  If you go, your co-worker will truly feel comforted that you made the effort.  It's not bad luck to go to a funeral.  It's a sad occasion, to be sure, but there's really nothing to be afraid of, except perhaps weeping when you'd rather not do so.  I went to funerals for co-workers' parents three times over the years, and each time they thanked me for being there for them.

life coach · Answer

Put yourself in your friend's place. What if your loved one died? You would be so grateful he was there to offer support. A funeral is a fact of life, and nothing to be worried about. With friends or business friends, you have to be there for the good and the bad.  This is just a common courtesy. Attend.

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Should I go or shouldn't I?

3 Answers