My daughter has a decision to make so I am posting her question on here in hopes someone can help. She is 13.?

Question

My daughter is due to leave on vacation with my sister and her family this weekend. They will be going 4 states away for 6 days. Neither my husband nor her 3 older siblings want her to go but because she really wanted to go, I agreed. Her cousin, who is 16, she is 13, is really looking forward to her going. My niece, the 16 year old, doesn't have anyone to go with her and her siblings are much younger than she is. Usually, my niece has to do most of the care giving for her siblings as my sister is a lazy parent. My niece who is 9 idolizes my daughter and follows her everywhere and copies off of her. On a few occasions, my daughter has gotten frustrated with the 9 year old and has been rude to her. My niece runs to her parents and tattles and next thing you know both my sister and brother in law are very angry with my daughter. It usually ends with my daughter crying to come home. If she is 4 states away it will be impossible for me to go and get her. She will just have to endure, with no one to stick up for her. Also, the length of time they were due to be gone was originally 4 days now it is 6. My daughter has never been away from me for that long. My daughter is afraid that she will spend her weekend looking after the younger cousins with her older cousin and has no desire to do this. Being only 13, my daughter is the youngest of my four children and has never really had any responsibility outside of keeping after herself and chores around the house. This next week is a vacation from school. She will be unable to spend it relaxing if she is helping my niece take care of the smaller children. She doesn't want to let my older niece down because she has been planning many things to do over the vacation, but my daughter is very apprehensive about going. Being the kind hearted person that she is, my daughter doesn't want to hurt my niece by backing out. My daughter doesn't want to go because she would rather stay home and relax, spend the holiday with her sisters and brother, nieces and nephew and parents. She didn't realize that this vacation was over the holiday when she asked to go. She also didn't realize how much this wouldn't be like a vacation because she would be looking after the kids. She really likes to hang out with my niece, but now sees that it will not be as peachy as she thought. She is so confused as to what she should do and needs some advice from teenagers around her age. She asked me for help and I decided an unbiased decision might help her decide better. Although I will miss her, I have agreed to let her go because she really wanted to. I knew that there was a chance that she might be treated unfairly and Ive expressed my concern. My sister says that it will be fine and that she will not be treated unfairly. My daughter says that she really hadn't thought about it when I talked to her about it. She was just so willing to make my niece happy since she felt my niece deserved some happiness in her life, but now she see that it will be at the sacrifice of her own happiness. Can any teens help?

TN Mom · Accepted Answer

Hi I am 14 and I would either tell them hey I have changed my mind and want to stay at home. OR I would tell my aunt hey I am 13 and this is my VACATION from school and if I go I want you to understand that I WILL NOT BABYSIT.  If they get upset, then I say stay home! If they agree then go have fun. Trust your gut feelings. Oh and remember we are still kids it's not our job to take care of the little kids.

Jillian · Answer

I read it and at the beginning of the paragraph it appears that your daughter is fighting for your approval but now im not so sure of that. But rather that she is looking for an excuse to stay home so that this situ wont play out?? Or you may have expressed to her how this may take place but she still wants to go and feels as though she should have the opportunity to choose to stay or go.. SO if it's the former being, she is looking for an excuse to stay home, she should express how she may be nervous  that this will happen or in fear of leaving home for so long. And I knoww a 13 year old girl wont want to say the embarrassing truth to her more grown cuzin. But exclaim to her the importance of telling the truth no matter what the circumstance now so 1. you'll have a way easier time with her as a teenager. and 2.as she grows she'll have a much easier way of handling such situs. 
and if it was the latter, you have expressed to her how this may take place but she still wants to go and feels as though she should have the opportunity to choose to stay or go,  then let this hold true. She should start making her own decisions now so she can learn from experience.It is the best way to learn from your mistakes. I hope whichever she chooses she will have a nice vacation from school  : )

? · Answer

Maybe the 16 year old niece could stay with yall instead. Or if she does go up there just talk to your sister about how you don't want your daughter to watch her children. If she really wants to go, she should be able to stick it out if it does turn out that way. If your neice is planning on doing many things with her maybe she won't even be around to help with the other kids.

Anonymous · Answer

Talk to your sister and ask her if your daughter will have to do a lot of babysitting. It is unfair of your daughter to have to watch her cousins if she is invited to go with them on vacation.

I think it will be a very good experience, though! Last year I was 13 years old and I went away with my friend and her family for 6 days, to Florida, which is several states away. I thought it was a very good experience, especially because I had never really been away from my family before. I also had to babysit her little brother with my friend, but it was fun! Her brother idolizes me too and I do get cross with him sometimes, but I remember to take a deep breath and relax.

Perhaps before your daughter embarks on her vacation, you should remind her to be on her best behavior. In response, she will probably role her eyes and say "I know, Mom" but it is worth reminding her. I think it is a very good opportunity for your daughter! In five years she will be in college and completely independent. I think showing her your trust and assuring her of her independence from an early age will benefit her later in life.
- Catherine

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not a teen... I'm 25 but why dont you ask your older niece to come stay with you for the holidays?

Anonymous · Answer

Woah what a lonq question I thinkk I just accomplished to do my enqlish homework w| dhis haa. Ohkay so. I suqest dt yuh just brinq yuhr older neice to spend dt time with you and yuhr dauqhter.

avrilfan · Answer

im 13 .ok so i think she should totaly go.she needs to do something fun and i think she will enjoy it .she will have her cousin with her .i would go even if there was anojing 9 year olds.

EpicTaco · Answer

she needs to grow up she is not always going to be with you soon she will be married or whatever just let her grow up so she can have a Healthy experience

ιѕαвєℓ ♥ · Answer

That's so confusing.  Can you word it a little simpler?

Coolltw2003 · Answer

If you want help, I would suggest you shortening your question. People don't have time to read all of this.

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My daughter has a decision to make so I am posting her question on here in hopes someone can help. She is 13.?

11 Answers