JOKES~JOKES~JOKES~JOKES~JOKES~JOKES~JOKES~JOKES~?

Horse and chniken were good friends. One day horse fell into a hole. Chicken called a farmer who used his BMW to lift the horse.

Then one day chicken fell in the hole. The hourse lowered his d-ick and pulled the chicken out.

Moral of the story : If you have a big d.ick, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks :)

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

A man said his credit card was stolen. but he decided not to report becoz the theif was spending less than his wife did....

a pair of dumb robbers entered into a bank waving their revolvers...!One shouted nobody moved...!

Two seconds later he shot his partner who was taking out the keys frm the gaurd...

I live in a semirural area. A man complained to the administrative body to remove the deer crossing sign on the road as many deers were hit by vehicles...!He no longer wanted the deers to cross from there...!

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year old man..."whats the best thing of being 104...?"

the man replied "no peer pressure"

A student was asked to write a signboard for d traffic near college campus..he wrote..

"drive carefully..dont hit the students..wait fr the teachers..!!"

i don't know any personally but here are a few websites:

http://www.jokessiteslist.com/

www.humor.com

you know what here's a website with the best joke websites:

http://www.100toplibrarysites.com/?cat=Jokes

from my own Q-A list.....check out!

Santa Ko exam me ans nahi aata tha to usne ans me likh diya or likha k skrach karo or ans pao

Santa 1st time plane me baitha.

Plane runway pe chal raha tha.

Tabhi Santa ne pilot ko SLAP mara aur bola:

Sale, mai Late ho raha hun aur tu By road ja raha hai?

Teacher: I killed a person convert this sentence into future tense.

Santa: The future tense is You will go to jail.

bunta baraf ka tukra lekar gaur se dekh raha tha .Kisi ne kaha ,Kya kar rahe ho

bunta -dekh raha hu ki kaha se lick ho raha he....

A house was on fire with 25 people inside.

Santa went inside & saved 6 by pulling them out. But he was jailed.

Why? Bcoz ALL 6 were Firemen.

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.

Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?

Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

Santa was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks Santa why are you removing a wheel from your auto.

Santa : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

2 Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.

Haye haye main to 1100 lungi.

Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi.

Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!!

Santa ask to Banta:

I am Going Iska Kya matalab hota hai

Banta: Mai ja raha hu

Santa: Aise nahi jane dunga pahle bata

Santa, his wife with son and daugher went to a party.. he introduced his family to his friends saying..” I am Santa.. and this is Santnee …

this is my kid and that is my kidney…!!”

Santa was writing something very slowly. Friend ask: Why r u writing so slowly?

Santa: Im writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he cant read very fast.

Santa petrol pump gya, wahan usne aik board pe likha dekha

‘Dont Use mobile here’

Santa G ny mobile nikala or har dost phone kar k kaha

‘Dont Call Me Now!

santa 2 banta:-

LIGHT CAN REPLACE SUN

PARENTS CAN REPLACE GOD

DAUGHTER CAN REPLACE SON

BUT NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN REPLACE U.

Y?

BCZ

CHINA ITEM

NO GUARANTEE

NO REPLACEMENT.

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then

I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .

TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family?

Santa== Daddy cat, Mummy cat and two kittens !

Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.

santa== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.

An Astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.

A sardar was observing him, Suddenly a star falls,

Seeing that sardar shouted "kya nishana hai"

santa 2 preeto

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Monkeys like U should be kept in the zoo.

Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you.

CID to Santa: Why criminals leave

their finger prints aftr their work?

Santa: Sir, criminals r uneducatd.

If they r educatd,

they wud leave their signature

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.

Santa being romantic to his wife.

“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?

I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.

Santa: What was that for?

Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.

Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.

Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry

Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.

Santa: now what happened?

Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa. Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?”

Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.

Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?

Preeto: I clean the toilet.

Banta: How does that help?

Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?

Banta: 1 kilo meter.

Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"

Banta: Downwards!

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -

the chicken or the egg?

O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

What's Ford?

Santa: Gaadi.

What's Oxford?

Santa: So simple, Bail gaadi!

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.

Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.

Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.

It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.

A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.

Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"

hope ur aunt will like these ones:)

BEST OF LUCK...!:D

Follow this link..

http://www.smsdose.com/

cool n nice jokes..!

baba black sheep have u any wool

oops!!! i forgot it at home

aap jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye toh kya hojaye

uups !! baat ban jaye

Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!

Bahaha

What is her age?