Senior Citizens what would you do if your grandchildren.....?

I wish this was an unusual situation,but I'm here to sadly agree with you. I don't know what to do about it,because as you said,you didn't raise them this way. I just recently moved in with my son who is the youngest and not married. I have 3 daughters and wont bore you with the way they lead their lives. Now that I'm hundreds of miles from the grandchildren,I have no idea when I'll be seeing them. They sound a lot like the children you talked about and I will never be able to afford the gifts they want. I suppose the only thing we can do is focus on our own lives and remember that we did the best we could when we were raising our children. Now maybe it's time to do something for ourselves.

Your grandkids may be aware that they are being "shipped off" to your house so mom can do what mom wants to do and feel unimportant. They likely have a self-worth that is based on "stuff" rather than relationship so in there eyes, you are outside of their comfort zone.

If they are old enough, I would suggest you tell them you have heard that they think you hate them and reassure them that you love them. Maybe a lighthearted discussion about the differences between their life now and the way the world was when you grew up would interest them - not a history lesson or a lecture, just casual ("How many tv stations can you watch? Can you believe that when I was growing up there were only 3?") keep it light and be brief if they have short attention spans (as so many kids seem to have these days.) If you like to cook or bake, kids usually like to do that, depending on their age and skill level. Maybe something like that would work for you. Drawing, crafty things can also interest kids. If you have an interest there, share it with them. Take pictures and make albums or scrapbooks, letting them be creative (while not being critical)

And don't forget chores. Everyone helps with dishes. Make your bed. Can you mow the lawn (if age appropriate), help with laundry. They may complain and grumble, but try to ignore it. I've discovered that what they say and what they feel don't always agree.

Between visits, keep in touch with them. Letters, cards, sending pictures you took, etc may be better than phone calls (kids often talk in one word sentences) emails. They may not reply in the manner you would like, but the fact that you took your time may be more important to them than you will ever know. (and reinforce the idea that you do't hate them.)

Maybe they are truly selfish, materialistic creatures, but I think in today's world, it's important that grandparents do everything they can to maintain a place in their grandchildren's lives.

Do remember that as they get older they will be pulling away from the adults in their lives; sometimes away from parents and a little towards grandparents. Cultivating a good (or at least better) relationship with them now is important. On the other hand, they may visit even less; but please continue to stay in touch with them through mail, etc. even if you get nothing in return. You will always know you did the right thing. And I suggest you do as I do - pray for them every day.

I hope that no-one tries to spoil it now David. Mine has been fantastic. I've spend 6 hours with my son, my daughter and my granddaughter. I've also spoken on the 'phone with my brother and his granddaughter and my own two grandsons and another son. I've handed out gifts and received some as well. I've eaten until I can eat no more, played many games with my granddaughter and am now back in my house relaxing in the quietness. It could not have been better. My daughter, on the other hand, will not be relaxing for a few more hours as, now that I have gone, other visitors will be arriving. Having spent many years offering the hospitality and doing all the work it is really good now to be the visitor.

I don't think any of us want to have our time abused by having our children use us as a built in babysitter. On the other hand; being patient with your grandkids as they adjust to your 'house rules' can be good for them and for you too. I hope you will be able to find a "happy medium"; have the kids over when it is convenient for you, and telling their mother "sorry, can't help this time" when it isn't a good time for you.

I've gone through something similar with my grand-nephews; who are 5 and 10 years old. It does take a lot of patience, but my husband and I stick to our rules. The boys adapt. They still ask, we still say no, but they do like spending time at our house. Your grandchildren may not act like they want to spend time with you, but acting bored doesn't mean that they don't like visiting.

There are no rules that say you must spend time with your grandchildren. I just think it is sad if you avoid them.

I don't have money, but my grandchildren seem to have a good time when they see me. We garden, they help around the house, we play games and l let them know how much I appreciate the their help. I give them a lot of hugs, kisses and I love you's. I pay one of my grandsons to do my lawns. He is a great kid and needs the extra cash and it helps me, He does other things and doesn't expect anything. My house is open to them.

You seem so resentful, but I am not sure if it is due to their mom or your grandchildren. These are kids. they won't be picture perfect all of the time. They need a loving grandma who will always be there for them.

No you call them just to talk and let them know you are there? do they have access to your phone numbers. Grandmas are here to give love and to talk to and I let them know that they are very important to me.

You explained the situation very well. I can relate to what you have said. We have a spoiled generation of kids who think they need to be entertained continually. You didn't bring your daughter up to be this way, but she is actually reacting to stress in her life. She is trying to survive.

The kids just want to be entertained, they didn't cause the problem. Your question is what would I do? I guess I would say the same as you, I did not cause this problem and I cannot solve it. Therefore I would quit worrying about it and find something to keep myself interested without the grand kids coming.

You know the old saying: fix the things we can fix and accept the rest.

I learned right from the beginning - not to compete by buying love. It's not for sale.

Our first grandchild's first birthday party - taught me a good lesson.

We took a simple gift for her first birthday present.

Her other grandma took a car load of gifts.

We didn't have the money to compete.

The most we were able to do for our 16 grandchildren was to give them our love.

Our grandchildren - now most are married with their own children - realize who loves them for who they are.

Our home is where they come - just because they know they are loved here.

You can't buy love and you certainly can't buy happiness.

Maybe it would be a good thing to talk this out with your daughter. You raised her and you do have the right to let her know - you disapprove of what she is teaching - your posterity.

Your daughter is the one to explain to her kid;s, not to expect a gift and she needs to think about what she herself is doing.

DeeJay.

I made it very clear when my son and his 6 children moved in with me that I am not a Baby sitter, not now or in the future. I raised my own and if they wish to go out, hire a sitter. I am very generous with my grandchildren, but I will not be taken advantage of by them.

No one has to buy love. I wonder if your daughter made up the thing about the kids hating you. It sounds like your son-in-law needs to develop a backbone. I would think her friends and neighbors would get tired of her routine.

And if she keeps neglecting them [dropping them off wherever she can and turning off the phone] you will eventually get a call from social services asking you to care for them in foster care---could very well happen.

This is very sad but certainly isn't anything unusual these days.