Am I out of line to ask my husband to stop hanging out with one of his friends I don't like?

Friends don't tell other friends who their friends should be.

Just give Molly a call and tell her exactly what you've told us. I don't think it would be a good idea to go to her job because she may be very uncomfortable around you after what happened. I'm sure, if she's a genuine friend, she will understand and may even be able to give you some insight about your husband, since they are friends. As for Ellie, the problem doesn't lie with her, the root of the problem is with your husband. If Ellie wasn't in the picture, there would probably be another gal who would take her place, because your husband is -looking- for someone else. It's sad, but true. You said yourself that your hubby wants to get a divorce (I'm so sorry about that!) so in his mind, he is probably thinking he's "basically" single and wants to start seeing other women. I do agree with you that it's very inappropriate for your husband to be seeing other girls (whether in a "dating" type situation, or just hanging out). My husband and I have a rule that we are not to be alone with the opposite sex. This not only avoids temptation for us, but doesn't even allow the appearance of anything inappropriate going on. It's also just plain respectful. I advise that you seek a counselor. Even if your husband won't go with you, go by yourself and see if she can advise you as to what you can do to save your marriage. Also, buy and read the book "The Love Dare". It will do miracles for your marriage.

Don't tell him that he can't see his mate anymore. However, you can set some boundaries. If the guy makes you feel uncomfortable you can ask for him to not be invited into the house. Don't tell your hubby not to go out, just limit how often. Something reasonable - like once or twice a month.

Make sure when you say these things it is a discussion, not you making a list of demands. Tell him how you don't want to choose his friends, but let him know you are a little concerned about how he puts him and your marriage down.

Also have nights where you go out too. That way you don't feel like you're trapped at home, while he parties down. When he does go out make sure you have something to do while he's gone so you don't spend the whole time looking at the clock an getting angry/worried. I usually buy myself a block of chocolates and watch a movie or read a book - some quality Me time. You could also invite a buddy around or have a girls night at your house. A hot bath and magazine is nice too.

Try to cherish the time to yourself OR make sure you are keeping busy so you don't even think about where he is.

You're not out of line to ask him to stop hanging out with this friend if you have very strong and negative reservations about him. But please keep reading.

There's one thing you do need to understand that while your husband is hanging out with this guy, it does not mean that he is like him. Try and understand that maybe lately you guys haven't been having that much fun (MAYBE) because raising a child is a full time, and at times very frustrating job. I am sure you as well understand that. I am not saying its bad. Having a child is a joy but monotony kills joy. Maybe he just wants to blow some steam off for some time. People go through that and while its not 100% OK to go to Hooters and expect ones wife to be ok with it, the situation is like anything other situation a couple faces.

Raising a family is obviously opposite of partying and everyone deserves a little break. Although your husband should also be mature enough to realize that enough steam has been blown. If he doesn't, you can try slapping him. That could work :P

Dear Abra,

You are definitely not out of line. You need to fight for what is yours " Your Family" and if this individual wants to cheat on his wife and hang out he could do this on his own or find another friend to ruin his life.

I agree he is a threat to your marriage. Your husband had the right ideas before but his friend has already changed his mind about hanging out. I am afraid he's seen something he liked and can't wait to see some more. Make every effort to speak to your husband and don't wait and be firm about it. You can't just sit there and wait to have your marriage destroyed by this individual that has no morals or remorse.

Best of Luck to you and your family,

Baby~

What changed in your husbands integrity and emotional economy that allows something that was "inappropriate" is now not only appropriate, but the best investment of his time and money?

I think it is too late to wonder "if" this guy had a bad effect on your hub, and start wondering "how much" the effect is. Is your husband lusting after other women? Going to strip clubs? When is it okay for your husband to get a girlfriend? Once he has the girlfriend, how do you feel about catching her diseases?

I recommend that you get qualified, professional, faith-consistent (Christian, or whatever religion you are) counseling, because .. you could be about to have a tough stretch of road ahead of you in the journey of life.

You are not out of line to want your hubby to be on one accord with you...as he use to think. He has changed his mind about his friends behavior and you need to question him as to why he feels it is Ok to party with his friend and leave his family at home, when he use to think it was inappropriate? Don't make demands on him...get him to simply explain his trend of thought. After all, you two are in this life together...not you three.

Also, let him know that his actions make you think that your child and you are less important than his friend. Ask him to simply advise you if this thinking is going to be permanent and how you don

't want to play 2nd fiddle to a bar-buddy. Good luck bringing your faith into the reasoning as well.

No you are not out of line but you cant just come out and say it like that. You need to make it clear to him what he is doing is hurting his relationship with his child and his family. Just let him know that and recommend at first that he spend less time with the man and more time with his son and his wife.

Yes. Don't start barking orders. But as your husband, you should be able to talk to him about this openly. Maybe there is a real reason your hubby is rekindling the friendship. I wouldn't make a judgement until you get more details, and if your husband isn't screwing around, he should be willing to give you details.

This is a tough one because, while the guy sounds like a jerk, no one likes to be told who their friends should be. We regard that as a personal choice. However, you have the right to say who comes to your home, hangs around you, etc. So as a nonthreatening compromise, I'd suggesting allowing your hubby to hang around this guy -- but not at your home, and not around you. With any luck the jerk will wear out his welcome with your husband, too.

I would not be obvious about it. But try to make up some excuses. Like you have some family things to do. Take the kids here, or there. Or, you need him that night.

If you flat out say "no", then he will take it that you are controlling him. Or he will use it against you.