can someone tell me some funny jokes?

Yo mama is so fat that when she was floating in the ocean Spain calmed her as the new world

So i guy walks into a pet store in search for a new pet. He comes across a parrot with not wings or legs. He gets interested so he looks at the price. "$200!" he shouted, "I could never afford that"

"pssst" said the parot, "I'm a defective parrot, you could make an offer for $20 cause no one wants me."

The guy was shocked.. ''you actually understood me?" the guy said. "yeah, i'm extremely smart and i can talk about any topic. I'd make a great friend." said the parot. "okay, so if you havent got wings or legs, how do you stand on your perch then?" asked the guy. "well... i wrap my willie on it, but you can see it cos my feathers cover it." "wow" said the guy. He made an offer and took the parrot home.

For the next few weeks, he was great. He knew a lot of jokes, and had a great sense of humour. He got along with everyone.

One day when the guy came home, the parrot called him over. He had fallen down off his perch. "what happend?"

"well... its about your wife" said the parrot.

"what, what happend?" asked the guy, worried.

"well the post man came over, and your wife answered the door, wearing not much at all." said the parrot.

"and, and then what, what happend?" asked the guyy paranoid.

"well, she started kissing him, and he was rubbing her all over. Then he laid her down and started undressing and petting her all over..." said the parrot.

"what then?"

"then he took off her clothes completely and started kissing her... down there..." said the parrot.

"THEN WHAT HAPPEND" shouted the guy.

"F**ked if I know, I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"