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God Questionnaire!.....?

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

__ Newspaper

__ Television

__ Word of mouth

__ Tabloid

__ Bible

__ Torah

__ Other Book

__ Divine Inspiration

__ Near Death Experience

__ Burning Shrubbery

2. Which model God did you acquire?

__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet

__ Yoweh

__ Jehova

__ Jesus

__ Alah

__ Satan

__ God

__ G-d

__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working

order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes

__ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:

______________________________________…

4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god?

Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by parents

__ Indoctrinated by society

__ Needed a reason to live

__ Needed focus in who to despise

__ Imaginary friend grew up

__ Hate to think for myself

__ Fear of death

__ Wanted to meet girls/boys

__ Wanted to **** off parents

__ Needed a day away from work

__ Desperate need for certainty

__ Like Organ Music

__ Need to feel Morally Superior

__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a God before?

__ Yes

__ No

If Yes, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin

__ Cthulhu

__ Zeus

__ Appolo

__ Ra

__ Barney T.B.P.D.

__ The great Spirit

__ The Great Pumpkin

__ The Sun

__ The Moon

__ The Bomb

__ The Almighty Dollar

__ A burning cabbage

__ Left Wing Liberalism

__ Bill Clinton

__ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Tarot

__ Astrology

__ Fortune cookies

__ Psychic Friends Network

__ Television

__ Palmistry

__ Self-help books

__ Dianetics

__ Biorythms

__ Tea Leaves

__ ESP

__ Mantras

__ Crystals

__ Pyramids

__ Wandering around a desert

__ Lottery

__ Insurance policies

__ Barney T.B.P.D.

__ Barney Fife

__ Playboy and/or Playgirl

__ Jimmy Swaggert

__ Human Sacrifice

__ Burning Shrubbery

__ Ann Landers

__ Bill Clinton

__ Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

__ Obama

__ None

__ Other: _______________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention

b. Less Divine Intervention

c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right

d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

A. Disasters

flood 1 2 3 4 5

famine 1 2 3 4 5

earthquake 1 2 3 4 5

war 1 2 3 4 5

pestilence 1 2 3 4 5

plague 1 2 3 4 5

SPAM 1 2 3 4 5

AOL 1 2 3 4 5

George Bush 1 2 3 4 5

B. Miracles

rescues 1 2 3 4 5

spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5

stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5

crying statues 1 2 3 4 5

water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5

walking on water (other than the Hudson) 1 2 3 4 5

talking flaming shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5

VCRs that set their own clocks 1 2 3 4 5

Obama's election 1 2 3 4 5

Good Luck!

Update:

@ebby: its called the copy and paste function! hello!

Update 2:

@classic liberal: sounds like a good reason to me!

9 Answers

Relevance
  • Bruce
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    1. How did you find out about God? Originally from my parents, but more completely through a Catholic seminarian who could answer all the tough questions I thought of.

    2. Which model God did you acquire? The Father of Jesus Christ.

    3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? God was undamaged, but I had been damaged by original sin and by my own deliberate bad choices.

    4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god? Acceptance of reality, including present misery and future death.

    5. Have you ever worshipped a God before? Yes.

    6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Not in addition to God, but I am inspired by his creation, the teachings, service and sacraments in his church, and the speakers and writers who can explain God's plan.

    7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)? I prefer the sacred traditions and examples of personal fidelity handed down through the Catholic Church for the last 2000 years.

    8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent): 5 on all God's works. Note that miracles are usually done to vindicate a new revelation, and God's revelation has been complete for two millennia. Note that disasters are partly caused by our own sin (e.g., unwillingness to take positive action to protect ourselves from predictable dangers) but also represent challenges that call us to show greater ingenuity and care for others.

    Cheers,

    Bruce

  • 4 years ago

    Marvellous! reminds me of whilst i became into strolling my canine with dark sunlight hues on and slightly boy asked if he became into my handbook canine. bear in mind my canine is very solid and pulls me virtually everywhere i do no longer choose to flow! I in simple terms could no longer supply up giggling!

  • ebby08
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    God heavens, how long did it take for you to put this together? Do you work at all?

  • 1 decade ago

    Is he taking a poll because he is worried he is losing followers?

    Source(s): Atheisst
  • 1 decade ago

    This is brilliant, I love it.

    A gold star and a thank you to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    lmao - a burning shrubbery...hahahaha!!

    sorry, all it triggers is "we are the knights who say NI"

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    cool

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    thru parents

    the TRINITY...

    this is too long...separate your ques

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    tl;dr.

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