i cant believe i wasted so much time this school year?

i think the only things ive gained from this school year have been a few friends that i will probably lose contact with (they will probably go off to college or get a job and only remember me for my weird habits) and the habit of cutting myself (some days i wanna stop and i resist, others i dont care and i just feed the urge)

this was supposed to be my enjoyable last year of school (im supposed to graduate) but i continually say i have not enjoyed the year and sometimes say that to me it feels like hell (theres not many teachers that i thought were nice from 9th-12th, very few more that i would call decent, some teachers i flat out hated, i even still remember and hate my 9th grade algebra teacher (without going too deep into details she had problems in her life (her son had some sort of cancer if memory serves me right and it usually does) and i think she took it out on students that werent teacher pets (a lot of students not just me hated her for lets just say reasons to keep it short (i can add details in the morning)) 10th grade was alright i guess, 11th was a bit worse (i picked up annoying habits somewhere along the line so some students hated me (they even complained when i ate potato chips (the food science teacher said help yourselves) and due to that i only had like 1 or 2 handfulls and i was beyond rude to one of them (i still wouldnt say im sorry if they were around) i started hitting my arm against the lockers (i dunno where that came from but students wanted me to stop - they got in the way, i still did and have done it until right before i started cutting myself this year (i got written up so im not supposed to do it but i still do sometimes)) earlier this year (1st half) i got sent out of class for eating a muffin (teacher didnt like me cuz i was weird), i pranked him with the simplest little program one of my friends showed me how to make (it was a loop box program you had to log off the computer and log back on to get rid of and it didnt even saying anything that would make you think it was a serious problem; regardless to say it annoyed the teacher so much and he though another student did it; i eventually got found out but i didnt really get punished and i didnt care)

anyways, my current english teacher i feel has been working the classes like slaves (grades revolved around essays which i sucked at so naturally im in so deep a hole that its impossible for me to pass) i think she knew the workload was excessive but i think she enjoys watching students struggle (she has never bothered to say anything besides that i would fail, and i think she laughing about me right now)

and ive always thought that guidance, administration, and recently most teacher are 2 faced jackals that act like they care but they truly dont.

sorry for the really bad grammar.