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How can I revive the love?
My fiance and I have been together for two years. We've lived together for most of that time and we have an 11 month old baby. Recently there has been much strain on the relationship and I feel my love is fading. Actually, there have been many outside influences putting a strain on the relationship pretty much ever since it started, but we've been ok until all of a sudden I discovered that I'm just not in love with him anymore.
My fiance works a lot (as he always has), so our time together is limited and mostly spent as a family and seldom just as a couple. In the past three or four months all three of us have gotten the flu twice and been a long time recovering (especially him) and we have experienced two miscarriages. When my guy gets sick he gets herpes in the face and on the lips and because I don't have it we go weeks and weeks without ever being able to kiss on the lips. The baby sleeps in our room, but I've been wanting to move it to a separate bedroom for almost six months now (I've wanted privacy so we could be more intimate), but the furniture is too heavy for me to move by myself and my fiance is too busy to help. Because of the illnesses and miscarriages our sex life has seriously reduced from what was already seldom because of the baby and all. Our intimacy in general is lacking and I suddenly find myself not being in love with him anymore. I'm irritated at him all the time and I can't stop thinking about wanting a break from him. I haven't gotten to the point where I seriously want to leave him, especially because of the baby, but if it were only the two of us I don't know if I would stick around. I feel better when he's not home or when I'm out and about, whether it's alone or with the baby, and I often fantasize about going away for a holiday, with just the baby and not him. I love him, as in I care for him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I've even lost all desire to kiss him or have sex with him.
I want to fix this and feel the love again, but how can I do it without telling him what's really going on and hurting his feelings? Is our relationship doomed or is there hope for us? How can I revive the passion in my heart? Have any of you experience something similar and been able to get out of the pit and fall in love again?
I know herpes is a common cold sore and he does stay away from the child when he has an outbreak. He uses a special cream or lotion as soon as he feels them coming and each one doesn't last long, he recently just gets a new one over and over again because his body is too busy dealing with the flu and the cold. We are educated in how to treat the cold sores. The question wasn't about them. Please answer me on how to revive the love.
6 Answers
- BethLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
Herpes is way more than a common cold sore. No wonder you've had miscarriages. Anyway, you say you don't want to leave him but you already have in your mind. The best thing to do is to tell him how you're feeling. Apart from the herpes you may be suffering from "baby blues". Discuss your situation with your doctor.Good luck.
- 1 decade ago
Make time to spend quality ALONE(Away from kids,tv, phones) Stay inside together all day reconnecting, getting to know one another again,making love, just talking, or go out for the day (you may feel pressured to reconnect though)
Get a baby sitter, or spend time together when your baby sleeps, even an hour one on one can do wonders if you let it.
Remember why you fell in love in the first place! If the love is there it wont be too hard.
Talk to him about how you feel, dont nag or moan or complain, be vulnerable to just tell him how you fell, any man worth his salt will do what it takes to keep the woman he loves. Good luck!X
- Anonymous1 decade ago
The idea of fixing this without hurting him is not possible. Brutal honesty is often the best avenue to find healing. But do not open up about all of this without a third part in couples counseling. You guys will need help to find you way back together.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
herpes type 1 is a common cold sore and caused by a virus and stress. I have it and my husband never makes me feel guilty about it. Being relatively healthy I only get a small out break every few years. when the sore starts get Abreva to help it not get so big. Herpes type one is usually from childhood and when my lip feels tingly I just donlt kiss my husband, we have been together 9 years and he has never caught it because I am careful about it. i hope you both can work this out.
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- 1 decade ago
It's a pickle.. and it's hard work, but it can be done. My fiance and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 children together. 5 years into our relationship we started to drift apart. Like you, we had a young child which instantly adds stress to a relationship. As you know, babies are hard work and everyone can get tired and emotional. I felt like I was being used - I worked 38-50 hours per week - so he could buy whatever he wanted and really felt like a slave because he would do no house work, wouldn't feed or bath the baby, change nappies, not even pick his clothes up off the ground. We were both working opposite shifts - him on dayshift and me afternoons - so we barely saw each other and had no quality family time let alone adult time. Every shred of intimacy was gone. With what little time we had together, we would go out and blow every cent we had on nice restaurants and theme parks just trying to make it work. Of course then we added financial strain to our relationship which didn't help at all. After months of dealing with it, I walked out... I couldn't take it anymore and I had fallen out of love with him. He would beg me on a daily basis to come back and it made me hate him even more. After a few weeks his attitude changed and he began to hate me. Things went from bad to worse to ridiculous! Then, we thought we should at least try to make things work for our daughter so I moved back in... and for months it was horrible. He would not let me forget - not even for a second - that I had walked out on him. So... I quit my job. We down graded on everything! Forgot every materialistic thing we had or wanted... we decided to concentrate on us. With me not working, we got to spend more time together which was a great start. We compromised on "me time" so that I could get out of the house and have some space to myself and vice versa. Slowly slowly... we started to sort ourselves out because we knew how comfortable and in love we had been in the past, we wanted it back. At first everything was an extra effort... and it felt like a chore to pretend to be happy and to purposely avoid small arguements, we were even having sex when we weren't really in the mood... but eventually, things started to just happen naturally... Now 5 years down the track I am more in love then ever and I can honestly say I now know what love is. I wish you luck hun... I truly believe the key is to not give up on something worth saving....
