The curse of being ugly and gay?

Nicolae, I don't get it I've seen your picture on here and a few different pictures that you've posted. I just don't get it? I find you to be very handsome and I believe you when you've described yourself. But this self loathing has got to be addressed with maybe some type of counseling. I know, I know, I don't want to do that (I can hear you say that) But really, there must be some underlying reasons why you down yourself so much. And I think as soon as you can get to to the root of the problem you just might start to feel more positively. No one looks like those guys in clothing magazines or at least I've never seen them. But before you become really truly down on your luck you need to look within and change the attitude with some help. I've been following you a long time on Y/A and I believe you really should speak to someone professionally to feel better Okay? Take care my friend! Rob

If the avatar is you...then I do not think you are ugly. It is a ***** being 42 and trying to date gay men. But...honey....if anyone can do it...I CAN. I refuse to be down about lots of things I could be...I am a big guy, 6'4", butch, and sexy as hell...but have been through hell trying to get a good BF. Abusive relationships SUCK!!! I hate that you are lonely, I have been there. I hate that you are calling yourself ugly, I have been there. I was heavy and lost 114 lbs. I met a really cool 50 yr old and he and I are about 7 weeks in and making a run at it. I say work on your self esteem a little bit honey, You have the basics covered..(I would try it on) you just need not to feel so bad sometimes. I know if you look around and date a bit you will wind up being chased by some hunk...don't beat yourself up...you are way too nice a guy for this crap. (And way too good looking) Good Luck!!

Uh, some guys prefer big dudes---just check out gay bear culture. It's there for a reason. There's a pretty decent-sized base of gay guys who like big dudes. As for ugly--Maybe you think so, but out there, somewhere, there's probably someone who will disagree with you at least enough to value your better qualities if you give them a chance to get to know you. Growing cold and bitter won't help your chances of finding a mate. I know that's not all that uplifting, because it's hard to stay happy-go-lucky when you feel like sh*t, but that's really all I can tell you.

I was just getting ready to sign off when I saw your post so I'll give you a quick response. . .

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start making the life you want for yourself. Read some books and study how others have done it. One of the classics is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz MD. Almost any used book store will have it for just pocket change. Later books like The Secret use the principles originated by Dr. Maltz.

As for your love life . . . a pretty face will only get you so far and if you don't have one you can still get as far as you want to go if you make the effort. Pretty faces have little to do with actual seduction of a male. Study and practice your technique and do a lot of field work to see which of your moves are most effective and which need improvement. It's like making a goal in soccer, the only points you are guaranteed not to win are the points you don't attempt.

Don't call youself Ugly. I mean the picture you have posted is a handsome man. I don't know what you're talking about. Seriously, do not be discouraged. It's hard to find anything that's real anymore. Make yourself busy with things you enjoy doing and go out and have fun. Don't look for men, let it happen on its own. You look good and even if you didn't that's not all that matters. You seem like an amazing guy and things will be much better later on in life; when you find that one person that you love, it will all be worth it :)

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I'm going to extend my arm, and slap you hard around the face

Snap out of it. You aren't ugly. You have classical eastern european good looks, charm and a certain vulnerability that is immensely attractive. I never lie.

I'm pressed for time today, so cant give you a full answer. I'll write soon, I promise.

There's someone out there for everyone. Someone out there's going to notice you and look beyond appearance. Yeah, this sounds cliche. It will take a while perhaps but you'll find someone who isn't shallow eventually. There are good guys out there. Just let them find you or go hunting yourself.

your feeling sorry for yourself.. you know what to do. no your not going to marry prince harry or tom cruise so you find someone who is in your category, everyone needs love. isn't that what your saying? so find that in another person and make a home together. Its unfair to expect everyone else to come down to your level when there are plenty of dudes to play with on your own.

sounds like you are surrounded by shallow people. maybe you should look in better places. stay away from bars and clubs. maybe join some clubs, i mean like do you have any hobbies? try to find clubs like that, you never know, maybe you will meet somebody there. just don't go in there on the hunt. don't go looking for someone. just go and let them get to know you. let them pursue you for awhile before you ask them out. i checked out your pic. you don't look ugly to me. i'm sure there is a guy out there that feels you are the cutest guy he has ever seen. maybe he lives in america and just can't get to you. maybe he is in Australia, or maybe, he lives down the road from you and he is just very shy. seems like they need to get to know you.