Mother-in-law....how to handle (kind of long)?

I really can't understand some of the answers on this. Where I come from it is normal for families to help each other out and especially for parents to help out their kids. If you asked this question in the real world I'm sure you would get more realistic answers! Yes people shouldn't EXPECT handouts but if someone offers to help or if you ask for help and they agree, what is the problem with that?

From what I can see, you are not falling out due to her not helping but more because of the lies, something I can totally understand. Moving is expensive and if she agreed to help you out, she should stick to that. If she came up to you and told you straight that she thought she could help but has since realised she can not, then that would be okay (even if that meant you had to struggle, no one can help a change in circumstances meaning she was no longer able to lend the money). The fact is she keeps lying and also pretending she wants to help but not following through with it. It's like she wants to look good by offering the help but has no intention of actually giving it!

I say concentrate on getting settled and sorted in the new area. Stay out of her way for now, allow some cooling off time, and try not to respond in anyway to the childish rubbish she is putting on facebook. Then try and talk to her. Explain why you were upset and that you would rather she was just honest with you. Then, if she carries on lying, letting you all down and making you and your husband feel like this, then cut her out. If she treats you both like this then who is to say she won't make your daughter feel this way when she is older. After the cooling off period, give her every chance to explain herself or to say sorry but if she sees nothing wrong in her behaviour then she will keep doing it.

Honestly, I don't often like to vent on here but I have seen a few answers on here from K and she seriously talks some ****. I once saw her tell someone not to have any more children with their partner simply because of one disagreement on parenting methods! Geez if a person thinks that a child shouldn't be allowed to ask their parents for help then what hope do their poor children have?

I'm with the first answer...She is sick. Something is not right in her that she would do all those things. I think shes are Narcissist...From people like that you can't change them. Just accept what they are and run the hell away from her with your family least she cause trouble in your family. If you let her, she can cause more damage that you realize. Getting between you and your husband, coming out of YOU when you are disciplining your children. forgive and forget her. Forgive her for the mother she never was and never WILL BE and for your loss of childhood and sense of self worth, that you would take that crap and still keep her in your life. Forget because do you REALLY what that kind of person around your children, your friends, other family?? She is in a hole of her own self-making and the only way she will come out herself

These people clearly didn't read and understand the question...her problem isn't necessarily with the money issues and things she's said she's gonna do and doesn't. It's about her blaspheming her to everyone on facebook people...She's fully entitled to not speak to her again if she's going around slandering her to other people.

She's obviously not someone you can count on hun...cut her out and treat her just like any other acquaintance, be cordial to her if you talk to her or see her, but don't treat her like family. She owes you a huge apology...I'm sorry you have to deal with that and even more sorry that your daughter has a grandparent such as her.

And I agree with Vicki and know exactly the person and question she is speaking of in regards to K, that was just last week I believe. She's a little extreme, ignore her.

Absolutely cut your losses here.. at least for a while to show her this behavior will Not be tolerated. I have a similar situation with my MIL - when she found out we were pregnant she actually tried to temp him by saying she would buy him whatever house he wanted (shes loaded) and a new car and pay off the rest of his college IF he left me - his pregnant wife!!

We cut our ties with the 'woman' she has done other things leading up to that comment and one day we may bring her back into our lives but for now the best thing for us and our daughter is to cut out the unneeded drama.. the funny thing is I never once got into an argument or confrontation with her she just doesn't like me because ' I took her only son away from her '

Some woman just have no class and like the drama.

Cut her out and see how easy your life gets without the drama of her.

Sounds like she has some personal issues she needs to work out. Stop asking her for money and don't get upset if she isn't helping you guys, honestly it isn't her job to take care of your family and it sounds like she would just use it against you if she ever did follow through with what you guys need. Yeah, it's absolutely sh!tty that she won't even take her son into town with her or let him stay the night, but then again she sounds like a pretty crappy person, so don't expect anything out of her. Get your finances together, take out a loan if you have to and just stop socializing with her unless she is making the effort. Let whatever crappy things she says about you go in one ear and out the other, MILs are great at making their childrens spouses feel like garbage and even though it shouldn't be that way, it won't change unless you distance yourself from her. DONT call her, let her call you if she wants contact, you don't owe her anything if she is treating you guys so poorly.

I'm a bit confused here...You're cutting her out of your life (and her grandchild's) because she won't give you money? Are you and your husband not adults? It is not her responsibility to support your little family, and if she cannot afford to do so (all while supporting herself too) then I don't see why she should be cut out of her grandchild's life for it. $200 is a LOT of money to give when you really can't afford it. Yes I understand that it doesn't feel good when you are told you are getting money and then you don't get it, but she doesn't owe anything to you.

Why doesn't your husband drive? Do you drive? If so why can't YOU go out and get a job and have dad stay home with the child?

I have been in a similar situation and the best advice I can give you is let your husband handle his mother. No matter what you say to her she will twist it like she has twisted other things you have said. It looks like there is no chance of her growing up anytime soon or helping your family so I would stop all communication with her and if she calls let you husband handle it. I handle my family and my husband handles his and it always works out best.

I would just be very adult about things & blankly tell her how you feel with your husband there with you. Wither it be in person or over the phone on speaker phone.Tell her you don't appreciate her posting false things about you on Facebook that it was childish of her to do that. Make it clear that you NEVER asked her for money it was your husband that was asking & that you guys will NEVER depend on her help again since she can never fall through with what she says.And tell her how your parents don't appreciate her disrespect by not knocking on the door. Tell her if she cannot respect you guys that she doesn't need to come around anymore.

Yours and your husband's priority is your family and that's how it should be and you need to do what you need to do based on what's best for all of you. She sounds like she has issues and I would just stop trying to address them or confront her because she will simply twist them all around on you. Let your husband talk to her should he choose to to sort it out and set her straight. Otherwise, don't depend on her or ask for anything and take care of your family as you and your husband see fit--even if it includes cutting her off.

Sounds like you and me should start an anti-mother-in-law club. My MIL is horrible too.

I would say that you have every right to cut her off completely, depending on how your husband feels. My outlook on it is this: My child is my number one priority, and if I don't feel 100% safe and comfortable with a person, they will not be around my child. Period. I don't care if the person happens to be related by DNA, it's my responsibility to see that my child grows up surrounded by people who will teach her the right things. A disrespectful person will only teach her to be disrespectful. An untrustworty person will only teach to be manipulative. A malicious person will only teach her to be cruel or uncaring. It's my right and responsibility to protect her from people like that.

With my mother-in-law, who has started telling everyone in her family that she's "done with us" because of an arguement I had with her over my child's routine, we just stopped calling her. So far, she has called a few times, mostly to stir up drama. She has also been over to our place once since we broke off the majority of contact with her, and behaved decently for the five minutes she was here. That is what I suggest to you; don't reach out to her, don't go out of your way for her.