why is he doing this to us? why is he abandoning us ?

I hate it for you that you're in this situation. But, you need to realize that all the problems you described affect the entire family, but are truly only about your parents. Your mother is the only one that has any power in these problems and you just have to trust that she's doing or will do the right thing for. Your efforts to help by telling her what you would do in her situaion is probably having a negative effect, not a positive one. It is nor possible for a child to have an objective vview of a parent nor is it possible to have an undersstanding of their marital relationship. Your question is long so I may have missed the part where you talked about how your mother feels and is reacting to the things your father has said and done.It's possible she has decided to accept the situation, is making plans for a divorce or just a separation. Whatever her decision, it is hers to make and yours to live with. She's heard a lot of hurtful, hateful things from your father and may just be too shocked and confused to do anything right away. To be brutally honest, children are just collateral damage when their parents have a troubled marriage. You didn't give your age, but I hope for your sake you will soon be out of the home and on your own. The problem is much more complex for your mother. Just try not to give her your opinion rather let her now how painful this is to her and ask if there's anything you can do to help. Maybe just taking her to a movie or out for dinner, and not disussing your father, would be something she would enjoy. I wish the best for you.

You are in a lot of pain. LIfe sure isnt fair and there are no guarrantees.

Im sorry for your suffering and heartbreak. You always thought dad and mom would be there and be together. Sadly your dreams are falling apart.

Your very protective of your mom and Im sure she appreciates that very much. I admire your loyalty and support.

But you see all over the world, right this very moment, the same scene is being played over and over. Its not about ages, its not about anything your mom did or didnt do, its not about you or anything you could say or do. Its about him. He is not rejecting you or your mom. He is rejecting his role as a fahter and husband. He has found the jet set life more rewarding. Does it make him a person you should hate? No, he probably still loves you in the way he can love you. Does he support you and your mom financially?

Alot of what you describe sounds like a mid life crisis. He is struggling with aging and the circle of life.

What can you do?

You can be respectful of him and allow him to make his own chocies. The consequences are huge. I wish he could see them. You and your mom should join a gym. Exercise is very stress reducing. Do some things togehther like volunteer work, movies etc. Dont bad mouth your dad or talk abou thim. TEll your mom you love them both and sta out of their problems.

good luck this is hard.

I'm sorry to hear about this. It is completely natural to feel intensely negative toward your Dad right now. He is being a major jerk.

Keep in mind that this has nothing to do with you. You are a valuable person and worthy of love and respect. Your Dad and Mom's problem is being caused by them. Nothing you can do will change how they will interact. You can support your Mom and help her through this tough time, but you can not fix a relationship where one person really wants to leave.

Relationships are complex. A lot of it is who we are as a person, and some of it is who we choose as a partner. Hopefully, some day you'll be able to accept your Dad for the flawed person he is, and not what you want him to be.

If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to e-mail me through my profile.

Seems like your dad has been unhappy for a long time, and to be honest, i think maybe there is stuff happening in the backgound that you dont know about. In reality, if your dad does leave, it does1nt mean that he does not love you, i think he says cruel things because its easier to leave when you are angry, and its easier to let someone go when you are angry. This is a defensive mechanism. When you have calmed down, go speak to your dad, tell him some of the things he said was hurtful. It could be that your dad is under pressure because his brother is doing very well for himself, and he feels disatisfied and unhappy. But this could be a "mid life crisis", believe it or not, a lot of guys go through this. But i think you mom needs to calm down and speak to him too. But please remember, if your parents do separate, its not because of you or your brother, your parents will love you no matter what.

I'm sorry about ur dad babi girl, but u are not ur mom. His relationship with her is not his relationship with u. I learned the hard way that me and my children r separate issues in my ex's eyes. So though it feels like he's abandoning u really he's exiting a marriage he's not happy in. Ur relationship with him shouldn't be canceled . Ur mom is doing what most of us do and is keep in u in it by confiding in u. Its not horrible but Truly its not fair to u. I've been ther as both a child of divorce and now a mother. Let them work out their differences, but don't let it color ur relationship with ur dad. Base that on how he treats u. If u were close. B4 u can still b when the hurt subsides. Forever is a long time to hold on to hate.

To be honest, you and your mum are going to go through a lot of emotions on a daily basis, so its going to be important to be there for each other, try and not think about the why and hows, just try and support each other through this, because parents have a hard time and when things get hard they blame each other for them, I don't mean to take sides and what you are experiencing is massive, but just try and stay between the lines on this one and be strong, things will get easier but unfortunately I don't have the answer to as when, I hope all this sorts its self out asap, and that the least damage is caused through it, your going to need to be strong and I sense you have that talent to do so, take care, my kindest thoughts,x

GEE........Hectic!!

I also live in sa have recently return from living in Aus, and have just got back from Italy - went for a wedding but had a look around to see if I would like to live there.

And believe me I wouldn't!!

Italy is very nice but for a 1st world country it is very disappointing. The amount of complaining I heard from people trying to get a license or get married. Apparently if is near impossible - even harder than SA and that's saying something. Also the amount of graffiti for a 1st world country is appalling.

Let your dad go there - good riddance be happy.

I don't even know what to say about your father doing what he is doing...in the beginning of your message I thought he may be sad because he wants to get his family out of SA, but I guess not.

Tell your mother to kick his *** out!! Screw him! he can pay world cup hotel prices who gives a ****!!

Must be really weird around the house!