what do dull, mediocre writers do in order to get published?

Write the kinds of books that dull, mediocre people want to read.

That's pretty much the size of it.

Well, first they become celebrities - you don't have to be talented, just get a boob job and practice falling out of nightclubs completely trolleyed with your legs in the air. Ask Jordan ("real name Katie Price") all about it - she's the world's expert.

Then, once they've appeared in 'Heat,' 'Hello!' 'OK' and several tabloid rags a few gazillion times, they tell the world that they're writing a book. (for maximum impact, they do this while wearing as little clothing as possible and just after they've slept with/married/cheated on/divorced someone as tacky and mediocre but not quite as famous as them.)

Then they write their dull, mediocre little book.

Then they get their PR company to take it to a publishing house and do whatever it takes (threats, bribes, promise of a quick hump in the back of a cab with the author) to persuade them to publish it. Then they turn up to some Celebrity Book Signings wearing nothing but a couple of hankies and a bicycle chain and make lots of 'controversial' (i.e. brain dead) statements whenever they spot a paparazzi.

And - voila! Pretty simple really.

Find the audience and get rejected a ton of times, make the publisher feel bad for you and then get published. Just ask Meyers; Twilight was rejected at least fourty times before it got published.

If you want a trade publisher in New York to publish you, you have to have an agent otherwise good luck.

Write about vampires and target a pre-teen audience.

ask Stephanie Meyers

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