Moral dilemma... what would you do?

Question

So, to start with, my mom's morals are more relaxed than mine are. She has worked for the same business for nearly her entire life, and knows practically everyone there. She also knows that this type of business tends to bring out the worst in some people. Some of the people my mom knows have done some shady (often blatantly illegal) things. Not many have gotten caught. My mom's philosophy has always been: don't tell me the details, that way when you do get caught I can "honestly" say I had no idea.

This has always rubbed me the wrong way. Personally I've always believed that if I knew that some one was doing something illegal, and it was hurting other people, I would tell. I've always been the type of person who can't in good conscience stand by while someone gets hurt or ripped off.

Well, my mom has never really told me any stories of these shady dealings, mainly because I was too young, but also because I didn't know any of the people involved so she figured I wouldn't care. Today she shared. She basically has information about multiple illegal activities, because her friend Q told her about them. Q is a really good friend of the family. I have known her since I was born, and my mom has been friends with her about as long as she's worked for this business. Q is a pretty messed up person, but she's always been very sweet and her heart is always in the right place- her brain is usually absent though. Q got dragged into all this illegal stuff because of a guy that she is in love with.

My dilemma. It's been on my mind since my mom told me. This guy is doing illegal things that are messing with lots of people. My conscience wants me to tell. But at the same time I know Q would be in a lot of trouble too, and all because she is stupid and a really bad judge of character. I also really don't know any details except who the guy is, and where part of this happens. Q is a great woman, and knowing that I might be responsible for sending her to prison is wreaking havoc with my sense of justice for this awful guy.

This is the first time I've ever faced anything that might cause a friend to potentially go to prison. The worst I've ever had to deal with before is the decision to lie to a cop who questioned me about a friend. Sorry, but I'm not lying to save your stupid butt. No one suspects this guy of all this stuff though. No ones going to come knocking on my door asking if I know anything about it. So do I seek out some one to tell? What would you do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Are they murdering people or trafficking sexual slaves?  If not the police are not even going to care.  You can call them to alleviate your conscience and at the same time your friend Q will be fine.  The cops have bigger fish to fry.

Anonymous · Answer

without knowing the specifics, i'd say you should stay out of the way and out of it.  if what we're talking about here is fraud (who knows, messing with real estate assessments, whatever), the police won't be able to figure it out without having the advantage you've had, inside access.  you think some dumb cop is going to figure out a scam that has run for years just for your vague insinuations?  heck no!  if it was that easy it would have been done a long long time ago.  you go and get them started the first thing they do is ask questions of the guilty, (including mom, she is complicit to what she knows and doesn't say.... how would your life be with mom in fed prison for a few years---- better or worse??) and they do nothing but get people wondering who the rat is.

bottom line is you don't know anything important enough to change anything for the better, especially for you and your mom.  let it be, finish growing up and let's both hope your morals are strong enough to keep your harp and wings once your mom the felon isn't paying your way.  i bet you learn a little about compromise and a lot about the unimportance of idle talk around the house in the next couple decades

John Doe · Answer

In the end, you must decide which is worse: If she stays in her current situation or if she is forced out of it. If it'd be worse for her to stay in her current situation, then you should tell somebody, but MAKE SURE there's something illegal going on first. I'm not sure what is occuring nor is it my business, but even if the situation appears bad on paper, you need some concrete legal evidence to get the authorities to respond. If she'd be better off if you don't tell anybody, obviously it'd be better to let her figure things out (though from the sound of things, the first option may be better if I'm making the decision).

Mr Warrior · Answer

What makes u think Q u is not a victim. Stuck in a relationship , which has illegal activites.
But can not escape because the guy intimidates her.

Dont assume Q is the bad person here.

Your opinion on the situation can be very far from ACTUAL fact.

C G · Answer

It is out of line for you mom to put you in this position and unfortunate that she has not been a better model of integrity for you. 

If you know the place and the name of the person, give an anonymous tip to the police.  

Also, ask your mom not to share information with you unless she wants you to turn the people in.

DAWG · Answer

You can call the police department anonymously. also consider how many people are getting hurt somehow by this guy. Is all of their lives worth less than hers. You seem to have a good moral head.You know what's right you just don't like looking at it. Only you can make your choice.

? · Answer

individually, the nurse in me might have first taken care of the previous lady. in spite of the undeniable fact that, this may well be a job application. i think of the corporate might %. the guy who chosen to assist the desirable woman. Employers are seeking for people who're prepared to "grab the day!" i'm no longer saying this is the excellent or ethical ingredient, enable me make that crystal clean! Very exciting question!

Stella · Answer

I would make an anonymous call to the police department, without mentioning Q's name but mentioning the man involved. Then I would leave it up to the police to do their jobs.

Tina Mom · Answer

I would stay the f out of it.  I don't think anything good can come of it and if these shady people have any juice they will be out on bail and pissed.  don't get involved.  it's for your own protection

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Moral dilemma... what would you do?

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