can you tell me some dry humor quotes ?

anything too stupid to say is sung

the problem with the world is stupid people, we shouldn't punish them, but if we take off all safety labels on dangerous products, the problem will solve itself

everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege

according to my calculations, SLINKY + ESCALATOR = EVERLASTING FUN

i asked god to give me a bike, but he didn't work that way, so i stole one, and then begged for forgiveness

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.'"

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.”

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."”

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”

“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”

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can you tell me some dry humor quotes ?

dry humor quotes

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away " "Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them. " "Live with no excuses and love with no regrets " "Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright" "ONE man can love a million women, but only ONE REAL man can love ONE woman in a million ways" "Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too." Enjoy :-)

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"You idiot you`ve spilled drink all over me! don`t worry my dear it`s a dry martini" quoff quoff quoff

It's funny, every time Katy Perry comes on the TV, so do I.

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You will love these. Give it a try: Dreams: Dream your dreams with your eyes closed, but live your dreams with your eyes open. Eric Collier Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. James Dean A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. John Lennon Have dream until the dream comes true. Tanjir Rashid Soron The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. Anatole France Goals are dreams with deadlines. Diana Scharf Hunt If you can dream it, you can do it. Walt Disney You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. Mary Manin Morrissey All our dreams can come true...if we have the courage to pursue them. Walt Disney Yesterday is but today's memory, tomorrow is today's dream. Kahlil Gibran Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. Les Brown Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake. Henry David Thoreau You have to dream before your dreams can come true. Abdul Kalam Life: Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. Arthur Rubinstein Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit. ~Bill Maher The energy of the mind is the essence of life. Aristotle Every man desires to live long, but no man wishes to be old. Jonathan Swift Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for. ~Moroccan Proverb Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. ~James Dean You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough. ~Adam Marshall Life is the game that must be played. ~Edwin Arlington Robinson Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other. Oscar Wilde The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~Robert Byrne He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for. ~Moroccan Proverb You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough. ~Adam Marshall Life: It is about the gift not the package it comes in. ~Dennis P. Costea, Jr. Only a life lived for others is worth living. Albert Einstein You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. Winston Churchill Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. George Bernard Shaw Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. Maria Robinson A useless life is an early death. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence. Sydney Smith Love: You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. Dr. Seuss The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. Victor Hugo Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. Swedish Proverb I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone. Javan Love makes time pass; time makes love pass. French Proverb Love is the beauty of the soul. St. Augustine Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other. Oscar Wilde To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. Bertrand Russell, Earl Russell Know this: though love is weak and hate is strong, Yet hate is short, and love is very long. Kenneth Boudling Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. Author Unknown There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love. Susie Switzer In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged. Hans Nouwens He who is filled with love is filled with God himself. Saint Augustine 347 Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. Henry Ward Beecher Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence. Vincent Van Gogh To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. Brandi Snyder There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. Bryant H. McGill Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less. Will Moss Love will find a way through paths where wolve