Single father asking for advice on what to say to my daughter before her wedding day...?

Ah (((Jack))).

You're killin' me over here.

Just keep loving her buddy,

with everything you got.

That's all we as fathers can do.

Everything else doesn't really matter in the long run..

Oh, dear. Honestly, it doesn't sound like your daughter really understands just what she's getting into. She may be one of those brides who has an emotional breakdown after her wedding, because her "big day" is over and gone, and now she has to live regular life.

She sounds like a bit of a spoiled brat, too. That's not entirely your fault... she's legally been an adult for the past 7 years, and for those years no one is responsible but her. I think she IS at very real risk of reducing her life to being "Mrs. _____," followed by "_______'s Mom," which she'll eventually realize was a mistake -- not for being a wife and mom, but for ONLY being a wife and mom. Still, it's her life now, and there's nothing anything poignant enough that you can say to make her wake up and smell the coffee in just one conversation.

And besides, her wedding day isn't the time for that conversation anyway. So keep it simple. Tell her you're happy for her, your sad to let her go, you think Brad is a great guy, etc. And add this: "Always remember this, my dearest. Love isn't just a feeling. It's also a choice."

Congratulations father of the bride! I'd offer words of wisdom if I had them, but I'm not qualified to give you advice as my own daughters haven't even started school yet. However, you sound like a great father who is, understandably, concerned about his daughter. She may have been without a mother, but fathers are also very important for a girl's self-confidence and her perception of men, and now she is about to walk down the aisle with a nice guy. I'd say you left a good impression on her.

It sounds to me like your daughter knows what she wants and is getting it. I wouldn't worry about her too much. As for what you should say to her, don't talk about what she missed out on by not having a mother. Just tell her that you love her, are proud of the woman she's become, and that it makes you happy to see her happy. That's all she wants to hear.

Edit: Just so you know, I did read the entire post. I disagree that your daughter is making a mistake just because she doesn't want to get a college education and doesn't have any concrete plans for the future. She's still young and will probably be content to just enjoy her life for a little while. As for your wife's wedding dress, your wife would have understood a woman wanting to pick out her own dress that is her own style.

I never thought I'd say this luv, but you've left me speechless.

As a woman I can see your daughter's side of things, but as a parent I understand what you're saying. Weddings always bring out so much emotion, both good and bad.

You obviously love your daughter very much, but loving her means letting her go. Letting her go to make the mistakes you're afraid of her making and working it out for herself. She'll never grow into a well rounded woman if you're always there to catch her. And that's what she is now Jack, a woman. I know you still see her as your little girl but she's not anymore. Perhaps that's why she reacts the way she does towards you - you're not letting her be herself. That's why I think she's so comfortable with the in-laws.

You are such an eloquent writer with your feelings, perhaps you can write what you want to say rather than tell her. That way you can take your time and write what's in your heart. When you verbalise your feelings, they don't always come out like you'd like. Plus, with so much on her plate, you can't always be sure you have her full attention.

As your daughter grows, she'll come to value you as a father and a friend. I always thought my father was lame and embarrassing and it wasn't until I got married and had children that I realised how much he loved me and what that love meant to me. Living isn't always just about growing old. It's also about growing as a person physically, emotionally and spiritually. As your daughter gets older, and a whole lot wiser, she will come to realise how very lucky she is to have such a wonderful and caring father as yourself.

((((jack)))))

I can honestly say that I can relate to how you are feeling. I too have problems correctly expressing what I want to say to those I care about. As a father I'm sure that all you want is for your daughter to be happy. You can't make every decision for her now that she's all grown up and she's going to make mistakes in her life, the best thing you can do is remain supportive and be a source of reason and love. If I was a father I would tell my daughter to never allow herself to become solely dependent on her husband, and I don't mean just financially but emotionally. Also to never make hasty decisions for important choices in life.

I'm sure if you really think about it, you can find the right message you want to convey.

Congratulations, and I hope all the best for her.

This was long, but worth reading. You have quite a talent for writing. Obviously you came of age before text-messaging. :-) With your talent for writing, and a rough draft of sorts, I recommend you put your thoughts in a letter to her. Not an email, but an old fashioned letter on paper that she can read over and over. Most people are visual learners rather than auditory, and she will likely receive more of your message that way.

In your letter, do not apologize for being a failure! You sound like a great dad! Your love for her shines thru in every line.

Re. her late mom's heirloom wedding dress: Forget about selling that idea. Many brides would rather wear a new dress of their choosing. The part about her late mom wanting her to wear it might not be accurate and any case kind of puts your daughter on a guilt trip. So I would definitely drop that subject.

"During the meal, Brad's mother smiles and asks what sort of husband would I have wanted for my daughter. I blurt out that I only want someone who will always love her twice as much as I do."

That was an awesome answer! I don't think you stuck your foot in your mouth at all.

Re: Wedding Expenses: I think you're being too much of a pushover. Your daughter seems to have no idea of the value of a dollar or a business plan for her future. Don't just tell her you can afford to pay for her wedding and essentially write her a blank check. Tell her you are chipping in X amount of money, for example $5,000. Anything beyond that, she's on her own for funding her wedding. You're not obligated to pay 1 dime for her wedding. It's a nice thing to do, but you're not obligated. I'm concerned that you're a guy of modest means essentially writing a blank check to your head-in-the-clouds daughter.

Also, she has not been to college? Is not self-supporting in her career? If you have only limited funds for her, those funds should be saved for her college education (or her future child(ren)'s college education), not a wedding.

I think that she has a strong and stubborn personality, and that you as a widowed dad are too much of a pushover, perhaps out of guilt.

Your not a failure as a father your a brilliant Dad who has brought your daughter up without a Mother and done a dam fine job. She obviously has respect and morals or she wouldn't be getting married and has learn't the value of love from the Love you had and still have for you departed wife. I'm sure your wife god rest her soul, looks on you both and smiles everyday. Ive wrote you a poem you could do as a speech on the day. Let me know what you think?

Ive watched you grow up and how fast the time fly's,

The arguments, crying, the hugs and goodbyes,

Despite what we've been through, the good and bad days,

We did it together, I'll love you always.

Now your a wife and may love bless you both,

I'll always be there for you this is my oath,

Today is a new life but don't forget Dad,

With love to my baby, my baby and Brad.

here are numerous reasons why a once committed relationship would degenerate to one partner asking for a divorce. how to save your marriage https://tr.im/2wMLE

It could have been:

- an affair

- having been separated by a long distance for lengths of time

- conflict

- behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse

- even unmanaged addictions.

Whatever of these problems may be what is seen on the surface, the bottom line is that usually, barring any abuse or psychological problems that are best handled by a professional, a couple find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:

- communication,

- love

- and intimacy

in the marital relationship.

Wow you teared me up. I'd give anything to have had 1 real conversation with my dad. We were always awkward, the little we saw of each other.

I think you should print this out & show her. It's pretty damn deep.

PS for Eartha: I read it all too, I couldn't stop, but when strangers see walls of text, they tend to drift out...we're big fans of Jack's, so we hang on every syllable. I don't get the thumbs down though...what's up with that?

PPS: Imagine makes some good points too, but I still don't think there is anything wrong with sharing the entire piece you wrote....it's her day, she'll wear what she likes...but knowing your reasons behind the dress couldn't hurt.