What would Simon Cowell say if he heard you sing?

What the bloody hell was that... that was just horrible.

Oh gawd, it's like a bloody pig being blended up in a food processor going 106 miles an hour on a construction zone 'ighway made of sheet metal and babies!

Probably nothing. I sound a lot like Susan Boyle on a lower octave.

Well, I actually can sing..so i don't think the criticism would be that bad.. lmao.

so he'd probably say something like, 'you're mediocre, at best."

Bloody awful - you'd get boo'd at a Karaoke bar

"Good song choice, but you need voice lessons desperately."

Or something to that effect.

I wouldn't be dumb enough to get myself to that point where I was auditioning infront of him.

"You have as much charisma as a coconut".

Haha, he said that to somebody once, it's the funniest thing he's said.

You are a saucy little thing aren't you?

Where is william hung when you need him?