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Do you have ideas for an ending?

My crappy rough draft...have an idea for the rest of the story?

The streets a downtown Miami were not favorable to the casual walker, the hype about this city? Michigan born Gabriel couldn’t tell. He didn’t believe skill should be needed to simpily cross a street, in his small generic suburb hometown no skill was needed, and there was no danger to his life walking home from work daily either, but he guessed that was exactly why he was needed in the city. He was needed to deal with crime, he wasn’t a cop, he didn’t even directly stop crime, he was a crime data analyzer for the city of Miami. He anaysed crime, he found safe spots, dangerouse spots, his information was even used for drug busts and finding gang members and alike. He was proud of his work but the fact that he was walking through the third most dangerouse spot in the city to reach his favorite chineese resteraunt was not reassuring to this tall unathletic 30 year old. He let out a sign of releave as he ducked his head into the cozy, dark envornment that was his second home. The asian greeter looked up at him from over her old fashioned glasses and smiled, he smiled back and went to sit at his normal seat were they would bring him the dish he ordered everyday. He liked this place, even though it was in a rather unsafe part of town and seemed to be made for those of a smaller size. Gabriel pulled out one of his reports he had still to do and got to work with his stub of a pencil. He didn't notice anything but the patterns and patterns on papers that he slowly formed into a map, a map that happened to analize cocaine smuggling. He got his dish of beef and broccli from a friendly girl who looked like she couldn't have been out of the sixth grade. He ate as he worked, and worked, and worked. It soon became dark and he hoped this map would be very helpful to the DEA he really didn't like walking through what he thought should be the ghetto in the dark. When he fully realised the dark he put his work into his briefcaes quickly, spun the lock and quickly piled bills on the table to give an exact 15%tip. As he was about to leave the small girl grabbed his arm and handed him a fortune cookie with a smile like she new a joke that no one else did, normally Gabriel didn't like fortune cookies but to the adolescents insistence he cracked it open and read it

"You are in danger, leave the city immediatly" it read in a small black script. He began to chuckle, this was the girls joke wasn't it? but he couldn't answer because she had spun around and ran off. With a shrug of his shoulders he bowed through the door and scuttles hurridly through the dark streets, avoiding eye contact with the rough people that scattered the humid streets. It was only a walk home of about three blocks but by the time he had enterd his apartment and climbed the steps he was wet. He had had enought time on his walk to contemplate the letter and as much as he tried to dub it a schoolgirl's joke it seemed wrong, something was wrong. He told himself he was fine but his mind had been racing the entire way home and as he reached the empty floor of his apartment and stuck the keys in the keyhole his heart was going just as fast, and then he heard a noise. It was only a small noise that the less cautiouse would have asumed a cat or even the wind. Gabriel wasn't one for talking risks, this fortune cookie really had him in a state, so instead of walking into the room he simply swung the door in and stepped away.

"BAM" he stood like a deer in the headlight, that had to be a gun he thought to himself and didn't realise till seconds later, that bullet was mean for him...

Update:

ha, just need to get it done for my 8th grade class don't want to bet a bad grade because my teacher thinks my story is stupid.

2 Answers

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  • Pain
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi. I'm a script writer and I do a lot of writing. I think you definitely have talent. You should keep writing. You'll get loads better too.

    As for your story, I think it is really good, and you should make it into a script (Film). Maybe you was planning that already..

    You should turn it into a script rather than a novel..

    I really liked the description. I liked the dark atmosphere of the character and the place where he lives. It was good with the imagination.

    The ending could continue where the guy hears a gun shot, and someone begins to chase him with a gun, so he begins to run for his life, from someone or something he doesn't know. It's a mystery, but he is running for his life and so forth, and then I'll leave the rest up to you :)

    Allow your imagination to take you where you want to.. It's a good story and I think it can become even more interesting further down the line.. Take it seriously, don't just see it as any old story. The story has potential. Keep it up, and mail me if you need any further help. I would be happy to help you.

    All the best..

    WOW, UNBELIEVABLE!

    A THUMBS DOWN!?

    SERIOUSLY UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE...

  • Newt
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    that was one awesome tale

    and took her into his arms and then into bed - they had such wonderful sex that they never came out for days, they did it everywhere...and had such wonderful sex so much sex you would not even think of coming out into the open air ever x

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