Please help me. Only serious answers.?

Question

I'm an 18 year old girl. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family. From the time I was six until I was eight I was molested by my step father several times a week. He has severe mental problems even attempted to murder my mom and my sister who is now eleven when she was only a baby. When my mother found out he had been molesting me she did not press charges or have him arrested. She defended him and even chose to sit right beside him in court instead of me. She went to great lengths to keep him from getting arrested. I was never allowed to talk about what he did to me. If I cried she would tell me that I need to get over it. My mother was very violent towards me and sometimes my little sister. She would beat me for the smallest thing, like forgetting to unload the dishwasher. She also would cuss at me for absolutely no reason and degrade me and make me feel horrible. My mother would even have my step father spend the night at our apartment even though I told her it made me feel uncomfortable. (He wasn't living with us but would come over several times a week.) This happened up until six months ago when I moved out on my 18th birthday. I live with my boyfriend and his parents who support me more than my mom ever did. I met my father for the first time when I was 16. He was in prison most of my life and we don't talk much. He lives far away and feels like a stranger to me instead of my dad. I have been feeling so depressed lately. Well I guess I have suffered from depression since I was first molested as a child but recently it has gotten worse. I go to a counselor once a week and she diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder. She gave me prozac but I stopped taking it after a week because it made me feel weird and also make my sleeping problems worse. I take adderall 2-4 times a week even though I don't have any medical need for it. I also drink. It's the only way at times I feel I can get away from the pain and darkness I feel inside. I am so scared I am going crazy. I feel so lost and alone. I have difficulty doing anything or finishing things I start. I think about killing people alot. It's so scary. I feel on edge and paranoid and have difficulty thinking about anything positive. My mother still attempts to make my life hell. My step father only in the last two months was arrested for molesting me. He is supposed to be in there for life. (He pleaded insanity in court and they didn't do anything for ten years.) She bailed him out of jail and still stands behind him 100%. She tries to make me feel guilty for moving out and says after I left she became depressed and it's my fault. She asked me to drop charges on him and says anything she can to make me feel bad. I need someone to talk to. I feel so alone. If you have even been through this situation or one similar please answer. I want to get better, but every time I try I can't seem to.

Update:

I would cut off all ties with my mother but if I did that I would also be cutting off a relationship with my sister. I feel like I can't just abandon her in the environment she lives in. I don't want her to have to bear what I have had too. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's such a horrible feeling. I know I can get through this but at times I completely lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

See a psychiatrist.

A psychiatrist is an MD who can do theory.

This is important because you have chemical issues going on, in addition to the other issues.

Tell your current therapist that you are taking Aderal and stopped the Prozac.

Don't give up.

You are so close to finding your own happiness.

As far as your Mom ?  Tell her to stop talking about things that hurt you.

If she doesn't ?  Stop communicating with her.

Peace.

manny · Answer

First of all let me tell you how sorry I am that you have had to go through so much pain. And you are so young. I think the best thing you can do is to just get as far way from your mum as possible. I dont even understand why you still keep in touch with her. Just cut off all ties with her. Have you spoken to you boyfriend about this?Or even his mom? Maybe they can help you deal with this pain. As dark as it may be, there is a silver lining in this cloud sweety, you have a chance for a fresh start now.. you CAN put all of this behind you believe that. You know the cliche 'what doesnt kill me makes me stronger'? I happen to believe that wholeheartedly and so should you. You have your whole life ahead of you , a future that's yours for the taking. DON"T let your past interfere with that. Who knows maybe you could be an inspiration for other who have been through similar experiences. Just remember, we cannot conntrol what happens to us or what others do to us but we CAN control how WE react.

Seramanion · Answer

I know that you want to harm and kill others but you'll only mess up your mind even more. You've been put through a lot as a child and I can see that you've been wishing for someone to reach out and take you away for a very long time.
If your mother is still harassing you and you don't like it, you NEED to press charges on her. But you need good solid evidence as to why. Or just maybe ignore her. You need to be strong at these times and you need your boyfriend to be behind YOUR back 100% Your parents obviously don't care for you so you just need to ignore that. You have a wonderful other family that cares for you, so stop staying in the past and move on and focus only on your other family (ur bf's family) All I can think about is your little sister, how is she surviving this? If your mom is abusing your sister, you need to take your sister out NOW. Be possitive, don't cave in to deppression or you will drown in it.
Leave the past behind you and keep on driving into your positive future. Good luck x

Anonymous · Answer

first of all, i'm very sorry for the things that happen to you.
i guess, the reason why you think about killing people a lot is because of the deep anger you feel inside. you are angry with your step father...with your mother...and with your self, for having no power to avoid this to happen to u. 
you try to let your self stop thinking by drinking, but to be honest, how can you run away from something that is inside of your mind? you cannot run away from bad memories but you can live at peace with it.
ur step father might have touch you but please keep in mind, you live in your body but you don't belong to it. anything physical that he did to you, it doesn't define who you are. who you really are is something that is inside our heart. your true self is always precious, always pure, no one can touch it because it is not something physical.
i know you are angry to ur mom, because you think that as a mother, she should protect you but she chose him over you. write her a letter about how you feel for everything, what you've been going through, what you wish of the future relationship of both of you, everything you always want to ask her. if she does care for you, she will try to explain everything. but if she stuck to her old behavior, i'm sorry but you need to let her go of your life. stop seeing her or try to see her as minimum as possible. if she doesn't care for your feeling, she doesn't deserve you.
i'm glad to hear that you are moving out and start your own life. it's the same thing you need to do with ur mind, start a brand new happy memory. spend more time with friends and other nice people. 
spend time with ur bf and his family. 
talk to a good psychiatrist ( find the one that is recommended a lot). talk to God, ask for His guidance.
i'm sure you can get better dear, it just takes some time. be patient and stay strong. there is no night that never ends. someday you will wake up with sunshine in your eyes.
wish u all the best :)

? · Answer

I think that's the most time anyone has said or typed some form of the word serious in a paragraph. I seriously think you deserve an award.

Tim hutchins Twh · Answer

Hello 
         If i was you i would move away from them all,,to another state,,,dont live your life,like you were raised,,you sound like you could have your head on right if you get away from those people,,,start out fresh,,,new friends,,new job ,,new everything,,,,,just because you were raised that way ,,your life dont blame yourself,,or your furture life on that,,,be your own person,,you are young,,show the world who you are,not whom said someone you were,,,,,why let that sob,take the rest of your life

days_o_work · Answer

Thinking about harming or killing others or yourself is not a good frame of mind to be in.  I recommend you find a good psychiatrist and tell them your problems.  If you act on your feelings then one of these days you could find yourself in some real trouble.

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Please help me. Only serious answers.?

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