Keep in contact with step kids after divorce?

Question

Me and my husband divorced because he had an affair. A month later he was thrown in jail because he started to sale drugs...to this day I have no clue why since he had a great job. Anyways, he had to children from a previous relationship when we met. However, the son is headed down the same path as his father now and the daughter is too. I had a daughter of my own during the marriage so these kids are my daughters half brother and sister.

A little history. The boy was TERRIBLE. I would constantly up at his school, taking him to counseling, loving him, guiding him, supporting him, you name it I did it...alone. The daughters mother was a MONSTER. She would drop her daughter off and not pick her up for days sometimes even a month. I developed health issues and regardless the child was dropped off. No matter how much I protested and even locked the door, she had court ordered visitations that gave her permission to drop the child off.  Everyone was aware that I was the SOLE caregiver of these children. The father barely spoke to them. In between it all the children would constantly do the "You're not my real mommy". It was so hard on me and heartbreaking. In between all that I got pregnant. Despite my shock and fear (I did not want children and was on the pill for 12 years and NEVER missed one. Dr said my body was "just ready" what ever that means), I decided to keep my baby...SO HAPPY I DID. 

Now to the present. The father wants to keep in contact from jail with my daughter through me. He wants to send pictures, talk to her on the phone, and asked me to take her to visit him...YEAH RIGHT LOL!!! Granted he barely held her or spent anytime with her at all. The mother of the "problem kids" want to continue to drop the kids off to me because she wants the kids to be close. However, she never showed any interest in my child at all while the father was free. I mean she's never held her, bought her a gift, I've never heard her call her anything other than "your guys daughter". His family is bugging me about seeing my child, they had nothing to do with her while we were together either. This whole thing seems odd and I just want to put all that pain behind me and move on away from the horrible people who were involved (most are criminals, drug addicts, or abusive in one way or another to their spouses or children). I just need reassurance that I am doing the right thing in separating from EVERYONE involved and moving on with my daughter in a safe and loving environment. She's only 2 and even when I showed her a picture of her dad she did not know who he was. She does not want to be around any of them and is growing up so happy without any of them. What would you do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You are the parent.

You control who the child sees and does not see.

Change all of the clocks on your doors.  Get a new telephone number so no one from his side can call you.

Keep an email address so that they can contact you if there is an emergency.  Also, it is a good way to keep copies of all correspondence.

Make sure you go to court right now to get sole custody of your child, especially since he is doing time.

Ask the court to determine that your husband is not a good influence for your child and to keep them separated.

Peace.

? · Answer

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? · Answer

I'm not sure I would want any kids being in or around a person that cheated on me and landed in jail, but they would still be the other parent and I guess have the right to see the kids. Maybe you should wait until he is out of jail and discuss it then, unless it's a long prison sentence of course, and let him know what you said about his family not taking any prior interest and that you're angry that they suddenly seem so interested.

Girlie Electrics · Answer

While I can understand a wish to distance your self & your 2-y-old.

What ages are these 'problem kids' ? 
If the daughter is angry at her mother, then it sounds like she's taking it out on you, or testing you to see whether you are someone to be trusted. 
You said something about a court order to visit? 
What is stated in there about duration of visits?

RAVEN · Answer

taking everything into account?
as an adult, and parent myself?

i would move away
i would leave everything behind, all the bad, and probably some good
but i would move away and start again
a new life for me and my child
worry free the door was going to go
worry free they wouldnt turn up
and safe knowing they could no longer have any negative influence in my life

drastic? yes
peace of mind is priceless though
they did nothing for your daughter in the past
and it sounds like they will bring nothing but stress in the future

good luck
i hope you find the life you deserve, both of you

? · Answer

Family is family, I believe no matter what. we run into people and the heart knows if its family or not. Does your heart feel like you should still love them lil turds? . . . :-)   And you choose to spread your legs and except him inside you. Even if it was enhanced and lasted of pleasure, he deserves his baby girl and her him. Jail doesnt mean your evil, usually men are strongest and purest in there more than some suit wearin guy thats never been there and probally treats people worse than any convict felon due to lack of brotherhood and understanding of respect and Love. 

Proud of you though on giving her a safe enviroment but never forget where you came from and teach her unconditional Love to let in dad. . .help her in the long run. May you be blessed

Sara · Answer

well this is what my mother did to me, I grew up 15 years with out knowing who my dad was, and he was an "awful" man. my mother would never tell me who he was, show me pictures. I grew up with out a dad and it was hard sometimes explaining to people I didn't have one because I always got questioned for it. I think you should have 100 percent control of your daughter but I think you should also allow her to know her other family or at least let them visit and see her.

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Keep in contact with step kids after divorce?

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