Was this my fault for serving this?

No. You can smell and taste the alcohol in it, especially one who has had a history with alcohol. Your brother could have warned her, especially if you make it every year. He could have also taken you aside privately and let you know his girlfriend is recovering so don't offer her the rum cake.

He chose not to do this. Her response could have been much different too. I know people with allergies who are almost neurotic about asking if something has an ingredient they are allergic to before they eat, even if the dish isn't traditionally served with that ingredient. She could have asked before she divulged in it, She chose to freak out and cause a scene. She could have chosen a different way to react, instead she chose anger, blaming and storming out. You are not responsible for her tactless overreaction.

If your brother brings it up again just say, "It's unfortunate we found out she is in recovery that way, but now we know and we will all be supportive in the future. Next time there is a dietary issue I would appreciate some advance notice".

No need to take the blame or apologize, or even blame him. He probably knows he screwed up and may have had to hear about it from the girlfriend. Blaming you is so much easier than either of them taking responsibility. Besides, I have heard that the alcohol amount in sweets like that is so low that it can't really get you intoxicated.

Something tells me that she is either really struggling to stay sober (why else would a small piece of cake make you 'fall off the wagon' completely?) or she is the type that can't be pleased in any way. Imagine if you had been told of the situation and you said, "Oh Sheila don't have any of this cake, it has rum in it. Have some pumpkin pie instead." She may have flipped out and accused you of judging her and embarassing her in front of the whole family. Her reaction was totally innapropriate. A simple, "Oh shoot, I don't consume alcohol right now, may I have something else" and then taking your brother aside and asking him to let her know/find out for her in the future if any treats or beverages contain alcohol in the future would have sufficed. She was wayyyy out of line.

On the bright side, now you know for the future. Gosh I can only imagine what she was like when she was out of control drunk! Yikes!

Speaking as an alcoholic in recovery - it's her responsibility to know what she is ingesting in her body.

I don't leave that responsibility to anyone else. A few weeks ago I was at a buffet and was offered a "shrimp shooter" - the first thing I asked was if there was alcohol in it..........there was.

She did not have to eat the cake - you can smell the rum a mile away in a rum cake.

She needs to take responsibility for her own actions.

She liked the cake. Obviously she has serious issues. You should have given her a shot of rum to calm her down. That's what she really wanted. Sounds like she hasn't completely controlled the urges. You should tell her the effect of the rum is gone with the baking of it. She is obviously kind of naive about cooking. She sounds weird. Don't give it a second thought. She sounds like a Princess who wants attention for herself even if its negative attention. Weird. Hopefully your brother will ditch her. She sounds peculiar. Lovely that you went to all the trouble for the dinner , she should be thanking you beyond belief for that. Just let it all go. She isn't worth the trouble. By the way, don't invite her for Christmas. Just don't . It'll be something else, she might get scared by an ornament or something.

No. People with stupid dietary issues are responsible for what they eat, she should have at least asked your brother what was in the cake. And it's only a rum cake, if it's anyones fault it's hers for being an alcoholic.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were right to tell your brother that he should have told you ahead of time and it was also his responsibility to steer her away from the rum cake. Also, your brother's new girlfriend was very rude reacting the way she did. I think your brother's still mad because he knows you're right and he's embarrassed by his girlfriend's behavior. Hopefully they'll break up before Christmas.

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NO! How could you have known. The girl friend shounds like a bi$tch. Don't feel bad. Just kidnap her and drown her in rum! Then wake up and move on with your life (like a dream

Oh come on, Rum is brillant in cake, She just wants an excuse to have a drink, and is making u that excuse

no it is not ur fault. its not ur brothers either. she was smart enough to ask wut kind of cake it was but not b4 she started eating it. and she didnt fall of the wagon. alcohol evaporates when cooked, leaving only the taste. thats why it is safe to serve rum cake to children. theres not actually any alcohol in it. so tell him or her that it is her responsibilty to know wut she puts in her body, just as a person with allergies must find out wuts in their food b4 they eat it. and tell her she still has not drank/ate any alcohol. it evaporated and she is fine. best of luck.

Maybe your crystal ball wasn't working. Really how are you suppose to know.

Your brother is some what to blame for not telling you. But the one who holds all the blame is your brothers dumb *** girlfriend, I mean really who eats something before they know what's in it.