I think I need help...?

Before you submit an answer, please read this whole message. I am turning 16 in a few months and admittedly are a little young to feel so badly, but I would like a few opinions on my situation and what I should do.

First off, I've been having depressed episodes about every 4 days to a week since around April or so. It typically happened at night, which led me to believe I was just tired or maybe hungry, but now it's happening during the day at places like my boyfriend's house or school. It'll start with a thought, maybe me getting embarrassed or thinking about something, and then it'll hit me all at once... all the terrible thoughts and how much I hate myself. I have trichotillomania (the hair-pulling disorder) and while that has almost gone away and I'm waiting for my eyelashes and eyebrows to go back, this time the thoughts aren't about my appearance. I think about how terrible I am for hurting people, for being a bad person... I cry and nothing can console me. I start to believe every good thing about myself is a lie, and it's really hurting both my relationship with my parents and my boyfriend.

I've felt so terrible that I've considered suicide. I hate pain, and I keep visualizing myself taking pills or finding some way to die to make it stop for good. I don't have many friends, and although I typically like it that way, those thoughts come up and I start to hate myself even more for not having enough people that care about me. But the weird thing is that that way of thinking completely disappears after a while. I'll just feel like something snapped or changed inside my head and I'll stop crying and it'll be all right. Right now I feel great. But it's almost like it builds up, like after 5-6 days and it hasn't happened I'll feel irritable and... full. But this isn't a release of emotion... this is hell. And I wonder how I ever could have thought those things or experienced that... I know I'm the same person, but I feel like it's the Jekyll to my Hyde.

My mom has decided to take us to a doctor (a regular doctor, just because I haven't seen one in a while) and we're going to talk about it. I already went to a therapist for the trich, so I know what the first visit is like... and he or she will tell my parents to leave and ask if I've thought about suicide.

Now here's the kicker. I hate pain. I would avoid it at all costs. And typically the thoughts go away and I kind of know in my heart I couldn't make myself die. I love my boyfriend so much, he's been there since before this has happened and he swears to be there until the end. To be honest, I've treated him so badly during one of my episodes that if he can take that, he can take anything. But that's beside the point... I know I wouldn't do it, but I'm still afraid for myself.

I will probably be seeing a counselor in the future, regardless. And I don't know if I should mention suicide. It would disappoint my parents so much... and their disappointment in me led to the trichotillomania in the first place, and all the shame and low self-esteem... I just wonder if it's worth it. I know most people will probably say to tell, but I want to know why and what will happen as a result of me telling if I decide to do it.

(Before anyone says anything about Christ and all that, I am honor student atheist who couldn't believe in a god if I tried. No offense, but it being a sin and all isn't going to do squat in my decision.)