TEENS: Do you think this is unfair? Or am I the only one who sees it?

Question

I'm appreciative of my mom and the things that she does for me. 

She's getting remarried, and the man is nice. But I really don't like his personality, but it's not too big of a deal. The only reason why I'm okay with them getting married is because we will move into a bigger and nicer house. I'm happy for my mom.

  but "Lance" we will call him. Is unfair. 

  He has a daughter who is 24. (I've never met her, and currently they aren't speaking) 

But he gives her everything she wants. I'll just make a list: (and let's remember that she's 24 and out of college)

-bought her her cell phone
-pays the bill
-buys all of her clothes (nice ones, at that.)
-bought her her own effing car. (brand new off the lot, at the time)
-paid her college tuition
- groceries
-handbags and jewelwry
-pays for her apartment (heat, water, furnishings, ect)
-sends her 100 bucks a week.
when I ask why he's paying for it all, he said "well she doesn't have any money." why? "she doesn't have a job." why? " she didn't have time, she was busy in college."  (learning to be a kindergarten teacher) 

now, there are things he says and does when I speak that just plain out offends me and makes me angry. 

  I ask my mom for money to go to the movies. (which I only go once or twice every two months.) 
he chimes in like I was the person who asked him in the frist place, and says " Why don't you use all of the money you have?"  I've been saving up my money for the past three years to buy a car. and the money that I do have to spend, I spend it on clothes that I need ( I only get 200 dollars in the beginning of the school year to buy myself shoes, socks, underwear, coats, and clothes through the winter) and 50 dollars for the spring and summer) so, it's enough for me to buy the basics, but I mean, what teenage girl doesn't want to get a little more. and none of the clothes are any A&F or american eagle, unless I buy them at playdo's closet. 

  anyways, when I  say that I don't have enough money to spend on the movies ( I usually buy the food, if she buys the tickets) he says " well you should get yourself a job then." 
(the man who has never had his daughter work  a day in her life, until she got a job after college, says this.) 
  so I say, well I want a job and will go get a job when I can." I'm fifteen years old, in ninth grade. I'm taking all AP and duel enrollment classes so that I can get college credit to save money in college and to get a scholarship. I'm pretty busy.  I want to get a job, but wait: I can't drive yet. and even if I do get my license there's " no way in hell" that I'm using his car and " who thinks my mom will let me borrow her car?" 

   I say to my mom " I need braces" (which, I do because the positioning of my teeth, cause my teeth to grind and it gives me headaches) every time I say something that starts with " I need" (and sometimes they aren't NEEDS.) lance says " Need? more like want. You don't NEED  a new jacket."  he says "braces are expensive." and he pretty much FIGHTS me about my needing braces, bringing up the points: 1. plenty of adults have braces (meaning I can pay for them myself) 2. plenty of people never have braces. (meaning I don't NEED them)  3. my mom's a single mother (meaning they're expensive  and me bring up the point that my aunt (who is a single mother) got her son braces he says 4. my aunt had someone paying her child support (which was his way for saying that my dad isn't helping at all with my expenses, which I KNOW.) then i say "did Kim (his daughter) have braces?" to which he says " yes." and I say, " Then I think it's only fair that I have braces too." 

  I don't mind paying for my own things. I know it's helping me. But I don't think he's being fair, chewing me out for those things, when his daughter got everything handed to her on a silver platter. I don't want everything handed to me on a silver platter, and I WANT to work and earn my own things. I just don't want someone up my butt every single time I turn around refuting everything I say and do and want. especially when it's HIM. 

  Is he being fair? please let me know if I'm acting spoiled or rude or ungrateful. 

 and let me tell you guys, my mom has enough money and he is pretty loaded. (but he's cheap, with us I guess) he's not saying no because (and I don't even ask HIM for money) we can't afford it, I know we can, and I don't think braces and a movie ticket every other month is asking TOO much.

  and my mom says NOTHING, btw.

? · Accepted Answer

I understand where you are coming from. You are only 15 so you still need to be taken care of financially. I think he is a bit out of line, especially when it is your mother you are asking. Yes, Kim is his daughter, and she is obviously going to get more than you, but it is your mom's business whether she decides to give you money or not. Talk to your mother about it in private so that he can't butt in. I am sure that she feels that Kim is a spoiled adult too! Which she is.

? · Answer

No he's not being fair.  I know how it feels though.  My 25 year old sister still lives at home (rent free), drives my parents' car where ever she pleases,  everything was paid for, she works part-time, had no curfew (even with the car.  I, on the otherhand, had to be home at a certain time and I didn't even have a car.  I was out with my boyfriend.)  So I decided that moving out would be best for me just to get away from the fact that my parents treated me so unfairly different than my low-life sister.  
Anyways, see I know where you're coming from.  I say tell your stepdad that he isn't your father but he is the only father figure in your life.  I also think you should talk to your mom in private from your stepdad.  Keep doing well in school and go off to college and be successful.  I'm glad that you want to work for your things unlike others who want everything handed to them.

T e s s a · Answer

I think since he is marrying your mom, and you'll be his step-daughter soon, that he should treat you the same way he would treat his own daughter. I think it's ridiculous that he is giving so much to his own daughter who should be completely independent from him by now though, and I know you aren't asking for this much either, so the least he could do is give you a couple bucks now and then for the movies.  Maybe you could try talking to your mom about it. Maybe just ask her if she could give you some of *her* money, and explain that you don't even want his money. Idk. This just sounds very unfair!  But there's really nothing you can do about it sadly. I guess just talk to your mom about it, and if that doesn't work out, happy job hunting :/ Good luck though :-)

Momma · Answer

i see ALOT of kids on here complaining about stuff and they are ALWAYS just being spoiled brats but seriously NO you are NOT at all being spoiled or rude or ungratful. You should either have a heart to heart with your mom or write her a letter so she can read it like this because there is something seriously wrong in this and it is HER. She needs to stand up for you, NO mother should EVER choose a man over their child. I mean i love my fiance he is the father of my child but he knows i will NEVER choose him over her. She is always one step ahead of aanyone in the whole world. I am so sorry this sounds like hell it really does and she will lose you, hopefully in a good way were you grow up and live your life and not to drugs and boys.

Ambi valent · Answer

He's buying his daughter's love, or trying to.  He feels guilty.  He isn't being  a responsible parent.  No, he's not being fair and you're not being unreasonable or acting spoiled or anything like that.  I think you're being generous in calling him a good guy.

This really needs to be between you and your mother.  Things like braces are what she should be ensuring you have, for your health and future.  Find a way to have a few hours with her, and explain that you're happy she's found someone to be happy with, but it really isn't working as well as you'd like for you.  Tell her what you've told us here.  Explain you're not trying to cause trouble, but you do need to feel that it's OK to talk about your wants and needs and feel that you'll be listened to.

? · Answer

ok if he gives his 24 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! $100 a week then he can pay for tor braces and a movie ticket. Oh and her daughter can SAVE money right? i mean how can you spend $100 in a WEEK! so tell him to save his money on her and spend a little money on you. Just tell him not to pay his daughter for like about 5 weeks

? · Answer

You still have it better than I ever did. Be grateful for what you have. I'm not saying he's being fair, because his other daughter is spoiled brat, obviously, but yeah.

Ivory · Answer

Trust me, I'm an expert on step-dads. My moms married 4 times and has just got engaged for the 5th time. He's not your real dad so don't listen to his bull ****.

ίɴȘΘɱɴίλȻ · Answer

....
are are you kidding me?
THATS EXACTLY LIKE MY MOMS EX BF WTF
Andd he had a 24 year old daughter that he bought everything.
EXACTLY like my moms ex boyfriend.....is the guy like 65...does he have a Subaru car? If he does then that could actually be my moms ex boyfriend.....

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TEENS: Do you think this is unfair? Or am I the only one who sees it?

9 Answers