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My boyfriend thinks about pasts experiences?? 2 questions. Help Please!?
Me and my boyfriend are very open and know alot about eachothers past relationships and history. He told me that sometimes when he is in the mood that he thinks about past experiences. He said not the women themselves, but what happened (like making a movie or a place) and how it was nice and maybe i'll want to do that with him or how he wants that experience with me. He says he doesnt think about the other women or compare me to them or wish i would do something something they did. Just what he liked in the experience that he might want to happen again.
It kinda bothered me because honestly I only want him to think about us and for the most part he says that is whats replaying in his mind. Should I be worried? Or is this normal for him to have those thoughts?
Also, I've been very hurt in the past. Cheated on and lied to, even by my sons father when I was still pregnant. So at times I'm very paranoid about him cheating or finding someone new. We've been good friends the past 2 yrs, dating 9 months, and together almost 6 months, and associates for 4 yrs. He thinks if I keep positive thoughts things will keep looking up for us, and bearing negative thoughts vice versa. But he's very good to me and my son (13 months old). Brings us around his family, says he wants to work to marriage, calls my son his and treats him that way. Says he loves us, and Im the best woman he's been with and he'll never cheat because he's been cheated on and knows how it hurts. How can I stop being so paranoid? Im afraid of bringing bad karma onto our relationship and something bad end up happening.. Help!
1 Answer
- ProbarararLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
Your relationship sounds really positive, I think you have found a good'n! Try not to feel threatened by his honesty. The fact that he feels able to talk to you about these thoughts shows that you have a really natural, open and honest relationship.
Men do think differently to women, and reflect on experiences in a different way to women. It is just about how they are. I would not be worried about what he has told you, I do not see that as a sign to be concerned about. Sex and intimacy are very closely linked for a man, so for him to feel comfortable to share these thoughts with you is a healthy sign. My interpretation of what he is saying is that despite having some good experiences in the past, it would be even better to have those experiences with you, because you are the best thing that has happened to him.
However, probably because of your past experiences, and because you are a women, it affects you differently and it is important that he is aware of how this makes you feel. It is part of his learning to understand how women think differently to men, that despite feeling able to be completely open with you, sometimes some of the things he says might make you feel a little uncomfortable. Just keep the communication open and tell him how you feel.
As far as being paranoid, this is understandable with your past experience, however he can give you all the reassurance in the world, but at some point you are going to have to allow yourself to trust him and let go of these past experiences so that you can allow yourself to enjoy this relationship afresh. It sounds as if you have had a long time to get to know this fella so i'm sure if he was dodgy you would have a hunch by now.
