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Review the beginning of my novel?

Here's what I've written so far [It would be the prologue or opening] :

Life ******* sucks. There’s no way of putting it any different in my world. You know those awkward silences you have when you’re talking to someone you like? Well, I don’t have those. There’s always talking. I always know the truth, even though lies are spoken to me every day. You would be surprised how much people lie in my high school. You would be even more surprised how fake people are. Students are broken. The ones who smile every day, the ones who look perfect, aren’t. I may probably know them better than their own friends. Crazy, right? Not for me. I live in a world of fiction and madness.

I guess there are perks to my life; things I take advantage of. Like in school for example. When I don’t study before a big final I just hear the answers from the dorky kid behind me and I get nothing higher than a B. There are more downsides than upsides though. I’ve dumped too many girls to count for what I’ve heard them think. Most of them cheat so it’s easy. They always end up thinking things like:

I need to get out of here. Jonathan’s picking me up in fifteen minutes. He can’t catch me with this loser.

Harsh, I know. I guess it’s better than finding out when I take a trip to a diner and see them swapping spit in a booth.

And to be completely honest, I am somewhat of a loser. I don’t have many friends. Because of this ‘Thing’ I have, I tended to stay away from people. I am on the basketball team, but it doesn’t solve anything. I’m still quiet, I still keep to myself.

I only do the after school activities I do because of my mother. She worries about me. All I tended to do all middle school was come home and lock myself in my room. I was still getting used to my condition and I would cry. Call me an emotional loser, but that’s how I dealt with things. She told me I needed to get more friends and I tried to explain to her that I didn’t want friends, that everyone in school was mean and cruel. She didn’t listen; nobody listened.

Once she sent me to a therapist, it was in eighth grade. Boy did things get weird. I didn’t say anything, not one word. The man tried to talk to me, and he could almost…feel me reading him. After about half an hour of him trying to talk me into speaking, he just sat there in silence too. We spent about another twenty minutes having the longest staring contest known to man. After those twenty minutes? I broke down into tears. He smiled. Not a bad smile, a small, small smile that told himself that he got through to me.

I never went back there, if you must know. My mom said it was a waste of money in the first place, and the doctor hadn’t really done anything. Well, except make me cry.

So here we are, the present. Since middle school I haven’t been to a doctor of any kind. Bad, I know, but I always find a way to make sure that no one finds out about my situation. The reason why I don’t want anyone to know is because I don’t want to be locked up in an institution and given a crap *** nickname like ‘Mind Reader Boy’.

I know that’s what they all say in the movies. That they don’t want to be tested in one of those creepy white buildings in the middle of nowhere, but it’s true.

So here’s chapter one of my story. The story of Jace Riley; the Mind reader.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Eh, its not too bad.

    Cussing does not win too many people over for the first sentence, especially when I thought it was a girl that was talking at first. XD

    Here's the critiquing part:

    I felt like you were giving away too much information instead of actually telling a story. I need to picture things and not be told everything all at once.

    And the boy cries from a therapist just staring at him? I thought he was suppose to be tough from the way you put him at first. It was kind of a confusing thing to me.

    But its your story, and these are my thoughts. Hope they help. Continue writing!

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    I love it! The start is very good; you've described the area well and done the same with your second scene. This is great, as you've used one of the three parts of writing: Setting. The second part of writing, Plot, takes a while to develop but you've already started it off. The other part is Character, the only one i see missing, but you could put that in a later time. Feel free to email me some more of your story and i'll try to help with it or any questions you have =]

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I liked it, it was very interesting and a very good opening. I was a little confused at first but at the end it made sense, I really do like it and would be more. By the way, Jace Riley is an AWESOME name

    answer mine?

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AidI8...

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds a little bit like stream of consciousness, but it's not too bad.

  • 1 decade ago

    it sounds interesting, i'd personally love to read it.

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