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What are some good strategies for coping with my husband's anger?
My husband is a wonderful man, and by no means at all a violent man... but his temper is shorter than any person I have ever known. Though his anger is usually not directed toward me and I am certain he would never harm anyone, it seems like the littlest things cause him to fly off the handle. If he can't find his keys, the computer doesn't work properly, he can't find a misplaced document; little things that most people would just brush off cause him to yell, scream and swear and even throw things around.
I grew up with a father who almost never got angry, so being around this male anger, whether or not it's directed at me is frightening and new to me. If I try to talk to him about it, it only leads to a fight. I need to find a way to cope when he is in a rage. A way to deal with my own emotions, fears, anxieties that I feel when he is angry... but I am unable to find any relevant books, articles etc. on the subject. All of the information seems geared at abused women, or is more for people trying to deal with their own anger. I just want to find ways to not let my husband's anger bother me, and I am out of ideas.
Does anyone know of a decent resource? Maybe an al-anon-type deal for people affected by others' anger instead of others' drinking or something?? Any information would be so much help. We have a baby girl, and I want her to see that daddy's anger is no big deal, and that it doesn't bother mommy so it shouldn't bother her.
I think I may have painted the wrong picture. My husband does not yell and swear at me, he yells into the air, screams at no one. Most of the time I am in the other room and am just listening to it. Like I said, I am not scared for my safety, not even a little. He is a logical, intelligent, successful,well-raised man who knows the difference between right and wrong. He is also an incredible father... he just can't assemble a piece of IKEA furniture without swearing at the top of his lungs, or install a computer program, or drive on a congested highway without a meltdown, that sort of thing. When he and I argue he is very rational, logical, he can communicate his feelings.... and he has been to anger management, he says they told him not to bottke things up and claims that's why he freaks out all of the time. He just has really crappy coping skills, and that's not going to change. I just want to learn to not react to his road rage, or his "my hockey team is losing" rage, or his "I can't
find that power chord" rage. That's all.
4 Answers
- ?Lv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
Okay first off, don't do the usual cliched women thing (yes Im a women) and start tip toeing around his temper, afraid to set it off, cowering in the corner. Grow up and sit him down, explaining that his temper TERRIFIES you...yes TERRIFIES you and that you do not want to raise your daughter in this environment. Tell him the only solution is anger management and that is the only terms you will accept. If he loves you and wants to be a family he will do this. Stop trying to cope with this or find away to solve HIS problems, that is not your job. If you can not have a mature and serious conversation about this without him getting angry well that should tell you everything. Don't confront him when he is angry, do it when he is rationale and calm. If you are scared then make the point of pikcing up your daughter and leaving the house. Pack a bag and go somewhere else. Actions speak louder than words.
This will only escalate, trust me, I grew up with this. The 'oh it's not so bad, I mean it's not like he hits me' attitude. Wake up and imagine what you would do if you found out your daughters future boyfriend did this. What would you say?
like i said, stop trying to solve the problem, it's his and you will be living on tender hooks, walking on egg shells for the rest of your life. One day he will hit you, just the once, and you will be like 'it was just the once. He said he was sorry. it won't happen again' But it will happen again. Who knows when, but the waiting is worse than the actual act of violence sometimes.
You do not want to condition your daughter to believe her fathers temper is no big deal, IT IS and you are only teaching her the same behaviour. Children are like sponges. Don't be so naive.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You my dear are a silly, silly little girl. It's not you who needs help, it's him. Either he gets help now or it may grow into full fledged abuse. Hell it's already a form of abuse. Get him to a doctor and quick...Think of your child, If he loves you and your child, he will seek help. Your job is to show support for his seeking help. If he refuses, then you'd better start packing.
- SparkyLv 61 decade ago
im married to the same man u r, mine has short fuse and at first it wasnt directed at me but 14 years later it is. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN get out now before u feel it is too late
Source(s): ticked off wife
