Am I being unreasonable with my wife?

Getting things off your chest might feel good, but when you blurt something out in the heat of the moment, you risk damaging your relationship permanently. Many relationships are destroyed when one partner can't forgive something that was said during uncensored venting.

Before you say something you might regret, bite your tongue and give yourself a moment to consider how you really feel. The things we say while we're letting loose often don't represent how we really feel and shouldn't be communicated — especially if they are potentially destructive.

Have you identified and communicated your needs and expectations?

Know yourself. You can't determine if somebody is good for you if you don't know your own needs. It's not selfish to have goals within a relationship. Express your needs and expectations now — What are your absolute deal breakers? Do you know your partner's?

Do you know and trust your partner's personal history?

The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Learn from it. How has your partner behaved in past relationships? How have they behaved with you? What has your partner learned about marriage from his/her parents? Look closely at your partner's parents — children learn what they live.

I honest to God feel sad for you and I really hope things get a bit better for you. There are always two sides to a story, but on the face of it your wife needs to show a bit of compassion and understanding. Re the tax returns, maybe the tax office itself would help you, or a friend who understands this sort of thing, or Citizens Advice Centre? Will your wife work and contribute to this big mortgage. When things settle, have a serious and indepth talk with your wife, only you and she can sort this out, the very best of luck. I am sooo sorry at the loss of your Grandma

Woteva,

As other ANSWERS respondents, I am sorry to hear about your grandmother's death ... and all of the other stressers you listed. Our combined condolences and support.

I don't know what your relationship has been before 2011 ... but would guess that your wife has

wanted or needed to be the main focus of attention and has been 'high maintenance' right along. "Histrionic" or "Narcissistic" come to mind.

You could be assisted by getting into individual counseling. And y'all would benefit from getting into marital counseling soon.

In meantime, "Make a PACT with yourself to reduce your stress!" (sm) as we use in our practice:

Perspective ... see things is a broader or a different way.

Autonomy ... take healthy control over things that you can ... such as hydrating adequately, eating regularly, etc.

Connectiveness ... attempt to get enough sleep, reach out to other family members or friends. and

Tone ... getting some exercise, taking a walk to get some sunshine on your eyes, some distance from the immediate tensions, some fresh air, some fun, even.

Sorry for your loss and the pile of stress on you plate at the moment. Things can and will get better.

Our best wishes! And do some slow, deep breathing over the weekend and on Monday morning before you begin your new job as a way to shut down the 'flight-or-freeze-or-flight' mechanism and create a 'relaxation response'.

firstly im sorry to hear about your grandma, my condolenses are with you in this hard time.personally as a woman i think your not being unreasonable. you've bust a gut to fufill her wishes, the least you could get in return is support.she needs to be there for you and not think of herself at the moment. maybe you should sit her down and try talking to her.it may help.

Wow...if I was the wife in this situation, I wouldn't be acting like a spoiled child.

Have you considered ending this farce of a marriage? Because I think you should...

Your wife is being unreasonable. Was she like this before you married her? It sounds like she has a ME ME ME attitude. Why would she expect you to over-extend your credit (bad, bad, bad idea!!!!) for a house? Is she contributing financially at all? If not tell her to back off.

sorry for your loss.

my guess is that you've always spoilt your wife, gave her everything she wanted. she is excited about the the new home and you have just hit an emotional low point.

she should try thinking how she would feel if the roles were reversed.

selfish *****.

so sorry about your grama, but your wife, hey put your foot down, she needs to take a chill pill, she is either spoiled, or very in to herself, she needs to think of what your going thru, tell the golddigger to grow up or get out, again very sorry about your grama, good luck guy!

Yes, you ARE being unreasonable.

Women are more emotional than men - she probably love your Grandma and is taking her death very hard.

She is also very stressed about the mortgage, going into debt to buy a new house, moving, and a husband who is probably telling her "it's all about me".

No sweetie, it's NOT all about YOU, you are married, it's about BOTH of you!!

You should not be going into debt just to shut her up. Sorry about grandma.