long complicated question about an ex, a baby, contact etc. Mature parents advice needed pls?

Firstly switch your phone off at night or get a new sim with a cheap/old phone - tell him you've changef your number and give him only that number, or tell everyone else the new number so he only has the old one. If any calls come through on the number he has they you know it'll be from him and you can then filter them as you want and also switch the phone off at a reasonable time.

Contact your local sure start centre and ask them about local contact centres that you can use - they're family orientated rooms specifically set up for contact visits. I would still take a friend with you for support.

If he become violent or aggressive at all report him to the police, even if they only log it at the time you'll be given a crime reference number and it will all go in support should you end up in a custody/visitation battle at court.

Make it clear that you will allow visitation but only in a neutral environment at a set time, that way you're meeting him half way and only he can mess his chance up.

Unfortunately you can't change this man and therefore your youngest child will grow up to see him for who he really is, all you can do is shield him from the inappropriate behaviour.

The other thing you could do is ask your eldest sons dad if he'd be prepared to take the little one (when he's a bit older) to the park or maybe bowling with your eldest son so that they can both play together in a happy environment with a stable male adult role model. It's worth talking about, even if you tag along too.

Best of luck x

I completely get you. I am now 30 but at your age was in a similar situation. You are very mature and I strongly believe there are some teenagers more mature then some in there 20's and 30's. I think you are right your boyfriend feels empty and is looking to fill a void of your son which I am so sorry for your loss. I had my son young too and even though I was supporting myself I wish I would of established my career first to have been able to provide better and have more time to devote to him when he was smaller. I think that a baby now so soon after your loss would be a temporary fix and eventually may lead to more problems. Only you know your self and your boyfriend but I think you should both heal before bringing someone new into your lives. I just think at some point he may begin to feel overwhelmed and miss your son more with the new baby around because he did not allow enough time to pass and maybe distance himself from the baby and maybe even you. Parents can always make room to love another baby but babies born from grief from a loss of another child sometimes don't receive a fair opportunity to be loved for them and not as a need to replace what was lost. It's normal to want to make the pain go away. Just be there for him and he loves you he will understand this is whats best for where your at in each others lives. I have a question for you did he have a ruff childhood where he may feel he needs to have someone who belongs to him and will love him no matter what and never leave him. I wanted to have a child at 15 and thats how I felt. I hope all works out.

A baby shouldnt be in the middle of this. Cease any contact and he will be forced to take you to court over contact if he really cares for his child (which sounds debateable considering his behaviour). Hes thinking more about getting at you than being a proper father. Document any evidence of his behaviour and get people other than your family to be a witness if possible. The solicitors will always advise to allow contact BUT you dont have to until ordered by a court( thats when you could use your evidence against him). They might suggest he has supervised contact in a contact centre for a while. If he works away he might eventually drift away if its all too much hassle and money to go through all this. best thing for you is if he got involved in another relationship and either grows up or leaves you all alone. Don't get involved with phone conversations or text marathons with him as he will mess up your head(he doesnt have to look after 2 kids so he has more energy to badger you). Does he give you any money towards bringing up the baby? He may back off if that comes into question. Its hard to give accurate advice when you dont know the characters involved in all this. Hope you eventually find peace of mind.

You need to make him go to court and sue for visitation or don't let him see the child. When a child has a father like this, the least amount of time he spends with him the better so that he doesn't grow up thinking that his father's actions are allowable when dealing with others. Since the child is only 3 months old, he doesn't know the difference between his dad and anyone else yet. Change your phone number and if he shows up at your house, call the police and have him charged as a stalker. He may not even want to go to court to get visitation if it costs him money but make sure that you get child support from him. If he does go to court and get awarded visitation you can see about getting that at a police station so that you have that protection around you and plenty of wienesses if he starts anything with you.

Your ex is still raw from your break up and is lashing out in a childish way unless an ex becomes seriously unhinged this situation will calm down in time and your solicitor and the courts will recognise this fact.

You are now in this situation for the next 18 years and you will have to have a clear long term plan for the welfare of your child and the contact with his or her father this can be done with the help of your solicitor.

A non molestation order for a set time will be given at your court hearing as your solicitor will have already told you and your child’s contact may be through a contact centre for dropping off and picking up . You may want to discuss things like increasing contact as you child becomes older, and over night stay’s holidays Christmas / Easter contact arrangements when older, you may want to outline how you propose to include the father in decisions like schooling, health care and God forbid guardianship of both your children and how contact between your children could be maintained should you die whilst your children are young.

By having a clear workable plan now will save you the time and expense of repeated solicitors fees and court appearances.

I understand that the court’s leave the finances regarding child support to the child support agency

Unless the phone calls to you at 2am are to ask or talk about your children (and you know they are not)..Why are you answering the phone? If he shows up at your door, you call the police, and tell him this!

In regards to his visitation, try to find a public spot as you stated and bring a few friends along. STOP listening to him, stop caving into his ever need, stop being afraid of him, he is feeding off this and knows since you bow down he will just keep it up.

Make sure you take him to court for both child support and the abuse charges

I would ignore anything he says or does that doesn't involve a court order that HE initiated.

It's not up to you to maintain contact. It's up to you to make the children available when he requests it legally.

Keep track of the issues and of any police calls, injunctions etc. But, once you put the burden and work of sorting things out legally on to him you can forget about that.

If you feel he will attack your home you need to take steps to safety. Go to your local police detachment and ask them who you can talk to so you can feel safe in your home. Get to know your neighbours. Vary your routine. Secure all doors/windows. Do not let him in your home any longer.

Let him do the work from here on of arranging his legal access to his children.

Safety should be uppermost on your to-do-list. Your safety, the safety of your children. This guy has already proven himself to be a bully and a coward by physically abusing you. Are you going to wait for him to come home drunk and beat up on your children as well?

There is a time for being sensitive and a time for self preservation and sweetheart you are at the self preservation stage.

I would certainly change my number

And if he turned up at the house i would call the cops

You must not allow him to intimidate you like this

He is on a warning anyway

You need to be strong for and your children

In your situation just all the other women that go though the same thing is...it will soon pass over!

He will get tired of acting crazy or end up in jail!