Worried about my son's mental health?

Question

My son is 17, almost 18 and a senior in high school. He is very antisocial and detached from everyone around him. He has one friend, who he has had since he was very young but has never had any others and out right refuses to socialize or interact with his peers. Never had a girlfriend (or any romantic interest) for that matter, and seems to just push everyone away by a either a complete lack of social skills or just being rude to make them go away. I've talked to him many times about this and the answer always seems to be the same. He says he doesn't see any rational point in socializing or making human connection and that its all very platonic and illogical. That being social is a weakness because it creates a need that is unecessary to survive. He is extremely smart and can build, fix, or solve any problem that comes at hand. Literally he can fix any problem with a car, computer, most advanced math problems, he is incredibly gifted at art and sciences, and is even very physically fit, but lacks desire for anything els. Work ethic is great and that's all he does is work, research, read, and spend his time alone or helping someone with something. He just plainly does not like being around people, and hates being touched, as in he will pull away as if being burned if I or anyone else attempts to touch him. Hates school even though he does the work with out even trying. He finds school very trivial and has missed about fourty days per year of high school because he doesnt see the point in attending, just enough to get his diploma. (I have adopted him), but he seems to have taught himself everything he knows. Cold, calculating, analytical, but at the same time he seems to help people in very quiet ways and hopes no one notices so he wont have to endure getting the credit and attention. I'm worried that he is unhappy even though he continuously says he is very content with his life when I ask him. He was horribly abused physically, mentally, and sexually as a child, and has lost a lot through out his life mostly to the few he loved killing themselves and other violent episodes he has had to endure when he lived in poverty. Could these all be symptoms of a mental illness, and what kind of physcologist should i take him to?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Why would you take him to a psychologist? What do you want him to shut himself out even more? Whatever issues he has, he will only RESENT you if you try and force him into "treatment". But it's really up to you.
As for his personality, what happened to him as a child can greatly affect his personality.

Anonymous · Answer

1

? · Answer

Well, he has not dropped out of school, is not doing drugs or self harming (well I assume not), He is smart and showing plenty of aptitude, is content, knows what he wants right now, in fact you tell us a lot of very positive things about him.  He is capable of long term meaningful social relationships.  You are worrying about him because you obviously love him and you carry the weight of knowledge about his hard start in life.  Maybe you should stop and celebrate how well you have both done.  This lad is not a mess, against so many odds he is doing well.  Maybe in the future counselling would help him deal with intimacy and relationships or maybe he is somewhere on the Aspergers scale and will need to work on self esteem.  Either way, he obviously has compassion for others, resilience and a great parent to care for him.  I think he is already getting the best help he could get from your love and acceptance, just give him more time.

Anonymous · Answer

It's good that you're concerned because some of this behavior indicates that something is off track. There is a minimum of mood swings that is associated with being an adolescent but it would be better to talk to the school counselor, a psychologist or a psychiatrist because he might be depressed or bipolar. Rocking behavior does not aways indicate autism or asperger, it could be associated with high levels of anxiety. I hope this helps a bit, Good luck!

Ryanne · Answer

Well at 24, I still remember what it was like at that age very well, but have also gained some good insight during my effort to become an "adult"... :P Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much. He just needs some space to breathe to learn who he is, and who he wants to be. He's still really young and has a lot of time ahead of him. He's intelligent and an independent thinker, so chances are he will figure out what makes him happy in the long run. Not everyone needs to conform to what society wants us to call "normal" in order to lead a fulfilling life. Laissez faire.

Anonymous · Answer

As a result of the abuse he may well have decided at a subconscious level that most people, with few exceptions, just aren't to be trusted, and to be kept at arms length. He may be a high functioning autistic, perhaps with Asperger syndrome. 

Read: Courage to Heal by Paul Bernstein, and Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook: Practical Exercises For Working On Problems Resulting From Childhood Abuse by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon, & My Journey: Experiencing the Abuse, Navigating the Aftermath, Finding Hope and Healing by SC W, & Surviving & Moving On: Self-help for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Kim McGregor, & The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Laura Davis, & From Surviving to Thriving: A Therapist's Guide to Stage II Recovery for Survivors of Childhood Abuse by Mary Bratton, & Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Ann McMurray and Gregory Jantz, Ph.D., & Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, & The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini and Pia Mackenzie, & Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon, & "Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve” by Lewis B. Smedes. Get through your fear of forgiveness, from your bookstore, or amazon.com. Also: It's Never Too Late to Be Happy!: Reparenting Yourself for Happiness (The Best Half of Life) by Muriel James. 

View the full post about child sexual abuse at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/10.html and page 9 about Asperger syndrome.

Anonymous · Answer

1: do not take him to a phsyc! There is a word for everything, for those type of people! I would have him read books on money! I, too, went through his shoes! I took my own time, in finding what I like to do! I found my own way of helping others! Do not prescribe drugs! It will alter his mind! Not good! I think you will want to worry more about yourself!

Linda · Answer

you said you adopted him? at what age?  does he know this?

This could be a "dont want to have something that i may lose" kinda thing.

 If he knows he might just not want to make friends because he is afraid they might  leave him too.

? · Answer

he could have aspergers syndrome, read up about it on net

sufferers often avoid eye contact and have an unusual machanical walk

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Worried about my son's mental health?

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