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My roommate has absolutely NO boundaries, what can I do?
He has no concept of personal space. I came home the other day, and he had taken some of my equipment out of MY closet and was using it, I spend WAY more money on food, and he eats it without any consideration. It is a frequent occurrence where I buy something, and it's gone before I even get any. He also talks nonstop. I literally have never had anybody talk this much while watching TV. I get personal opinions, histories of actors (family, hobbies, lovers, school, race, film histories, religious practices.. etc). He also has no sense of urgency, he gets up at like 2 PM every day. I like to have a blanket draped over the back of the couch for when I watch TV at night, but he has taken three that I have put out there on separate occasions. I am trying to be patient, but I can't handle much more. I have tried telling him that I am "saving" some food, I ignore him when he talks during anything on TV, I turn up the volume, I feel like the only way to have any privacy is to install a deadbolt on my bedroom door and try to turn my room into a comfortable living space.
How can I tell him to find some common sense and quit being a bum without being a jerk?
Funny note: Yahoo suggested I put this in the "Parenting" category. I feel like that's where it should go...
8 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Unfortunately you might have gotten some really good answers from the parenting catagory. People with no boundaries are childish and hence the need to be disciplined just like a kid. and by disciplined I mean, confronted. Dont let people boss you about and not respect your space, privacy, boundaries etc. Otherwise they will assume they always can and will never change. They wont respect you either. So.. grab a set and get to work! :)
- 1 decade ago
I would look into subleasing your room and moving out personally. But if that's not an option you need to have a serious, firm, and mature discussion with him. Shoot him a text or something seeing if hes available to talk at a certain time. Be prepared with everything you want to address, be respectful, calm, and reasonable. Tell him that it would make more sense if you guys each bought your own food and ate your own food only, that way no one is paying for more than they are getting. Also tell him that you are not comfortable with him going through your stuff without your permission and you would appreciate if he would not go in your room. Ask him if you can have your blankets back. Then ask him if theres any issues he wants to address. And hopefully he will respect your wishes. Dont worry about it being awkward, men dont tend to get too salty about confrontation, he will get over it. If you're more comfortable emailing him then do that. Good luck!
- agcgartnerLv 61 decade ago
Seems like this guy thinks what is in the house is "ours." Unless there were clear rules, ettiquette and the like when you two first agreed to share living quarters, it is a free for all. What you need to do is call a meeting, have a poster sized list of what the rules of the house are. Then hash/talk out any disagreements. Give the guy a couple of weeks to shape up or ship out. If you can't get it to work after that
move out.
People who talk non stop (like my mom) are usually very lonely people. They feel (not think) that in order to connect to another, there must be constant communication. That assures them that there is another body there that is aware of their presence.
Source(s): Proverbs 17:27; A wise man will be of few words: A fool may gain ...Proverbs 17:27 27 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of ... www.commandtheraven.com/?p=2088 - 1 decade ago
Dear Friend,
You said it really well. The best thing you can do is to take a print out of your question and give to him. There is nothing insulting or hurting in that. You are very patient and you presented it in a simple and may be the best way. He will read and understand. If he still behave bad better get out of there. Love and regards.
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- HankLv 61 decade ago
Hey, is his name Charlie? I think I know him. :) Just set boundaries with him. He's obviously not going to be a leader and obviously needs to follow one, which unfortunately forces you into the role of his "parent." You're going to just be straight up with him, but maybe try it with a joking tone, but where he still knows you're serious rather than approaching him mad and yelling. Good luck.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Sit him down and have a serious talk with him or move out. He won't change.
