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? asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 decade ago

2 friends like the same guy, complicated?

Been thinking about this situation and wondering if I'm in the wrong here. I introduced my best friend to a guy friend of mine. Everyone, especially my best friend, pushed us together and I developed feelings for him. The 3 of us start hanging out together constantly. Then drama occurs and she tries to convince me he's not that great, actually a bit of a jerk. I find out he doesn't feel the same and has actually been talking behind my back.

I try to forgive and move on especially when I realize that my friend has also developed feelings for him and that he might feel the same about her. Our friendship was more important to me. I told her that if she wanted to be with him, it was alright with me - but I would like a heads up before they tell everyone else. It didn't even occur to her that I would be upset or disapprove of her dating him because I "wasn't that type of girl to be jealous" (her words) until I brought it up.

They go some dates but nothing seems to develop from it, and it looks like it might not. Then one night the 3 of us are hanging out, drinking. In the morning I wake up and I walk in on them together. I leave before they wake. She calls later to tell me what happened, asking for my permission to start dating him, saying good friends were harder to come by than good guys. Told her we'd talked about it already, I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I suggested she take some time to think & that she talk to someone else because I felt like I couldn't be objective about it.

Next day, she decides she wants to be with him and I tell her that I'll need some time and distance. I realize I'm not ok with it especially with how it all came about. A week later, I tell her to stop asking me for advice about him because it was all we were talking about. Two weeks later, she calls me asking me for relationship advice, to tell her what to do. She's not sure if its going to work and doesn't want to waste time if they aren't going to be in a serious relationship. She wants my opinion since I apparently know him better. I tell her to think about it, its only been 3 weeks, not much of a try but I can't really help her read his mind or guess what he'll do. She agrees at first but then flips out that I'm "not supporting her" and she's going to dump him. We argue because I think she should think about it but she doesn't want to try. I ask her what was the point of going through all of that drama for 3 weeks if she wasn't going to try. At this point she tells she wants to cut off all contact with me and our other friends. None of us should contact her. I'm too upset to talk and we hang up.

Havent spoken since then. Wondering if I was in the wrong for not telling her what she wanted to hear and trying to distance myself?

Thanks!

1 Answer

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Wow, your friend has issues! Given the situation, she was in the wrong. She shouldn't have come to you for advice or even discussed the relationship with you at all, knowing how you felt about things. It almost seems like she was rubbing it in her face. You didn't do anything wrong. I would just let her get herself together and hopefully she realizes what a douche she is being and appologizes. If she doesn't, then just dont bother being her friend. If she wont talk to you over something as petty as this, she wasn't a friend worth keeping.

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