How to become friends with someone in college?

Question

I'm in my first year in college and while academically I'm doing very well, my social skills are lacking.
Because the school I'm attending is in a different state than my hometown, this makes it extra hard for me to be friends with someone (whereas most of the people I went to high school with went to the community college near my hometown...essentially "High School: The Next Generation). 

Anyway. While I have made some new friends during my time here...most of them are just acquaintances in class. This is fine, but I don't really have much in common with them other than the fact that we were both in these classes together.

However, for some reason I found myself attracted to a guy I would see in the hallways every once in awhile. Nearing the end of last semester (right before Thanksgiving break) I finally did introduce myself (and got his name)...but nothing has progressed ever since.

With the beginning of the new semester, I have seen him less frequently, but I did end up finding him on facebook (well...I actually looked for him after I found out his name) and found we had a TON in common. While at first the attraction was more romantic, now it's more the fact that we share common interests that has me intrigued/interested in him. I did find out that he was part of the theatre program and attended the current play. Later, I then added some of the cast on facebook (irrelevant of the fact of trying to be friends with him) and then I found that one of the people I added was a mutual friend between us. 

This is all fine and dandy...except the people I added I've never really "met". Rather, I know of them and have seen them, and have gotten an idea of who they are by what they broadcast through their facebook personas...but the fact remains that I do not REALLY know them.

Which brings me to my dilemma. Taking into consideration the observations I've made about this guy, I know that he too has made very few friends and is also shy like me. These deductions result in the probability that he is less likely to approach me, which means that if I want something to happen, *I* will have to be the one to do it.

Except, I'm shy as well. Essentially, I already know we have things in common and bits and pieces of his personality...I could add him on facebook, but one mutual friend (who I've never spoken to before) seems kind of creepy and talking to him in person is very intimidating. 

Considering the fact that if I were to strike up a conversation, in the event that I saw him (I only see him very seldom, in between classes...sometimes for less than a minute)...how exactly can I strike up a casual conversation, that doesn't sound creepy, AND will keep the conversation going? 

If I added him on facebook, the awkward chit chat for shy people would be remedied...but I'm not really sure how I would explain my add (considering we've only seen each other in passing and exchanged FIRST names) or the fact that I actually want friendship and not just to be another "number". He has less than 200 facebook friends with only 2 coming from the current city we now both reside in (he like me, also moved from a quite a ways away) and the likelihood of him accepting is unknown. 

I don't want to freak him out, yet I do want to become better acquainted with/ become friends with him. Any suggestions?

Thank you and forgive me for the length of this.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Forgive me if this comes across demeaning, but it isn't meant to be. Your situation is very cute and hopeful. I say that because it reminds me of me when I was in college. I have been out for a while now, but still. I will never forget how insane that experience was because I was also shy like you and just looking for something other than High School 2.0: The Next Generation.

College is supposed to be this amazing experience where you break out of your shell and just experience life. You are far from home, only do it once, and should embrace this opportunity with an open mind and courageous spirit. My suggestion then is not to go crazy because you want to ensure you stay true to yourself; however, I think you should try to get creative. You already went to their play, that is good, but that keeps you at a distance. The in-group is those who perform the play, while you are in the out-group, those who watch it. So, to get into the in-group, I think you should find out where they hang out. If they hang out at a certain frat, area pub, diner, etc., go there and strike up a conversation with some of the girls. If you start to ease your way in by making friends with people he hangs around with, maybe you can ask them about him. Going up to him is good and all, but since you know so little, it may be worth it to get some first hand information. As you mentioned, you have a lot of facebook persona, but little reality of who they all are. Maybe start out there. Also, sometimes there are opportunities for people to volunteer in theater productions, you should volunteer if you can. Even if you are handing out programs, these individuals are usually invited to after-parties and such. I think you will do fine. You sound very intelligent and resourceful, so use that to get yourself into the group in an non-invasive manner. Who knows, you may end up realizing that the guy is a dud, but you could make some good friends aside.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that you should add him to Facebook and with the add you should send him a message explaining that you had met and spoken in the hallway a few times and you think that he's pretty cool and would like to get to know him better. If he says no or doesn't add you then oh well. But if you don't try to befriend him then you will never know if you could have been friends or not. 

Never live life with regrets!

Anonymous · Answer

FIRSTLY, BRAVO ON GRAMMAR. RARE TO SEE SUCH GOOD USE.

IF YOU WANT TO ASK HIM ON A DATE, LITERALLY ASK HIM "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON A DATE SOMETIME?" EASY PEASY.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR JUST FRIENDSHIP AND JUST WANT TO CHAT WHEN YOU SEE HIM YOU CAN ASK WHAT LESSON HE IS IN NEXT? THEN ASK HIS OPINION ON IT AND IT NATURALLY BUILDS FROM THERE REALLY. 
IF IT'S A MONDAY YOU COULD ASK HIM WHAT HE DID OVER THE WEEKEND ETC.
YOU COULD COMPLIMENT HIM TOO, HIS HAIR, WHAT HE IS WEARING ETC.
THESE ARE JUST A FEW THINGS THERE'S LOTS THAT YOU CAN TALK ABOUT. DON'T TRY TO OVERTHINK THOUGH

jesus · Answer

just act like your still in high school and the more you run into that person the more you strike a conversation with them just smile and talk to them.

Rontar · Answer

send him a message on facebook and ask if he would like to hang out at a local hangout place near campus or on campus.  you don't have to add him as a friend.

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How to become friends with someone in college?

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