Need a little feedback and advice concerning my writing?

Question

I hate to bother you all, but I need a little help.

This is a first draft, and I'm not that great of a writer, so obviously the writing still needs work. My real concern is my ability to describe actions. Can you understand what's going on? Do you have any advice?

Q folded in his wings tight to his body and let his tail stream out behind him. The wind rippled his fur; his closed his eyes and let out a whoop. This was the best part, the fall. That incredible thrill of plummeting toward the earth like nothing in the world mattered. Like this was all there was. This was life, this brief moment of bliss.
	He opened his eyes and unfurled his wings. The wind gathered under them and whipped them back, but he clenched his fangs and lifted his head toward the sky. He struggled against the air for a few moments in vain, then suddenly his wings struck downward, lifting him. With a few more powerful strokes, he was rising again. He rose higher and settled into an air current, his heart slowing as he relaxed and let the breeze do the work.
	“That was a good one, Q,” A second dragon sidled up next to him, grinning. 
	Q shied away from the dragon as far as the current allowed. “Flap off.”
	“Aw, come on, Q. You gotta be good at something, eh? Might as well be flying, since, y’know, you’re about as flammable as a wet log. Ahahaha! Oh, I kill me! Ahahahaaa!”
	Snarling, Q rolled to the side and dropped out of the current. He tucked in his wings, but the thrill wasn’t there. This was getting old. 
	“Oi, aye, hey there, hoo there, neighbour! Hi, hello! Slow down, eh?”
	“Go ‘way, Braddy,” Q sighed. “I just wanna be alone for a bit.”
	The little sparrow dived after him, chattering as he went. “No way, nuh-uh, no how! You’re my bud, my pally, my frienderooni, I’m not just leaving you like this! What’d I say, huh, what’d I tell you, eh? They don’t mean a thing, not an ounce, zip, zero, nadda!”
	“Yeah, yeah, Bradwin. Do me a favour and shut up, all right?” The lake was drawing closer; Q flicked out his wings for a second to slow his descent, levelled himself out for a moment, and then dipped his head and tucked in his wings and legs to streamline himself. He cut through the surface of the water and sank into the depths. Everything was chilled, dark silence, a welcome refuge. 
	When he could hold his breath no longer, he brought his wings down once, twice, three times until he broke the surface and found himself nose-to-beak with Bradwin.
	“Ah, Braddy, get outta here!” he laughed, splashing the little bird.
	“Hey, hoo, whoah-ho! Twigs and feathers, Q!”

Note: Q is a dragon who can't breathe fire, and the other dragons poke fun at him for it all the time.

Please and thank you. :3

Del · Accepted Answer

This is the best piece of work I've seen of yours and, I think, the most original idea. The action descriptions work well for me and the dialog is great. All the actions are clear and logical. You're handling attributions very well. I love the Bradwin character, no chance of having to wonder who's talking with that dialog. You got a comment about scene setting but I don't see the need for more of that in this. When you get Q some place where there is a scene to describe, you can do that. As far as the description of a dragon, that has to be up to the writer but when you diverge from an accepted canon (like dragons have scales, not fur) you probably will need somewhere later to cover either that people are foolish thinking of scales or possibly there are other kinds of dragons or, maybe fur is an adolescent transitional stage. None of this matters for this section. It's ok to challenge your readers expectations as long as you give them a good story. This one is starting out really well. Keep it up.

Finley · Answer

Dragons don't have fur. They are more like lizards, they have scales, hard boney skin.

First and foremost, you need to show the character what you're describing. It's jarring to just say it in pieces....so that the reader is left wondering...what is Q? Oh, he's a dragon. You don't need to outright say, Q the dragon, but at least describe a dragon like he's a lizard with wings and then the reader can guess...oh, he's a dragon.

But a winged creature with fur....then oh, he's a dragon....with fur? that's weird.

Other than that I like the beginning. The sentences can be tweaked to be properly written, but other than that it's ok.

ƪ♔ яσуαℓƒαωη ♔ƪ · Answer

THAT'S SO CUTE! i think it's the originality of your characters that make up for what you worry about. now, im not saying you're not good at writing! not at all! but there is always room for improvement and i really liked it! it was coming out all colourful in my head and i could get every action so you have no trouble with that. Maybe adding some literary devices (similes, metaphors etc) to give your writing more body ans so the reader can get a clear picture in their mind. look on google to see more about those. Because at the moment you only describe actions and you could add more about the scene around him if you haven't already described it in an earlier scene. good luck so far

xxx

Anonymous · Answer

I like it! =D The dialogue is nice and smoothly grafted in, there is enough description to give me a good vision of what's happening, and the characters are enjoyable. I'd like to read more of this story, and if it were a book, I'd buy it and keep going. ^^

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Need a little feedback and advice concerning my writing?

4 Answers