[Ramadan] I am feeling depressed .....?

Question

Asalammu Alaykum! 

Yes, I know that being depressed is bad, but I cannot help it. I am very sensitive, I wish I was not.

Anyway, today, I woke up to a lousy morning. I’ve been feeling depressed a lot of times before. Last week, I was not feeling depressed. I felt really happy and thankful and proud to be a Muslimah. This weekend – today – my depression has come back. My mother woke me up yelling at me. I shrugged it off, mostly because it was such a pretty weather, today. I continued on with my routines, but my mother got even worse. She started cursing at me, like she does almost every day. Then, she said the most hurtful thing a mother could ever say to a daughter, “You don’t deserve to be alive. You’re just an extra burden on me.” I started crying and feeling really depressed. I started feeling really sick and everything. My mother cursed at me even more. I am tired of hearing curses every day of my life. My father curses at me – he’s an Atheist. My mother curses at me – she’s a Muslimah. I am tired – tired of being depressed, tired of being cursed at. I always feel pressured. I feel like I should not fear only Allah [SWT], I feel like I should fear everyone in this world. Everyone expects too much out of me. No, I cannot be the daughter my parents want. 

I don’t want to feel like this. I want to return to Allah [SWT], but I am not ready. What should I do? How do I avoid being depressed and useless all the time?

My mother thinks I have an easy life, but I do not. I struggle in life. I barely even have any good friends in school. There is no relative who lives around me. I want someone who can support me. I want to be hugged by someone, to have someone tell me that everything is all right. But, I have no one with me. At times, I feel as if Allah [SWT] has abandoned me, but I know that is not true. 

Plus, today was such a good weather. We went to the park, but I always feeling too depressed. I wanted to enjoy the weather. I just walked around, moaning.

Also, my parents never call me by my real name. When was the last time they called me Layla? I cannot remember. They call me curses – such terrible names! 

I cannot talk to my parents. It won’t work. I did a few times, but they don’t listen. 

What should I do? 

And please no mean comments. No, I will not report them - they are my parents. 

Thanks.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I will pray for you

I have tears in my eyes for you.

May Allah Always keep you healthy, wealthy, happy and on straight path.

? · Answer

I'm really sensitive too.

I'm really sorry your mom said that... my mom said and I quote "I curse the day you were born, you were the biggest mistake of my life!" I cried so much and didn't stop. And then when I was younger I was abused and even had to go to the hospital once.

These things still come to haunt me but there have been worse things happening, like everyone who ever mattered to be died. My cat who I'd had since I was born was killed, my sister died.. and someone really really special died too, and I listened to my parents yell and scream and hit.

Dear sister - I was severely depressed a couple years ago and now have chronic depression. I found that the only true happiness was Allah. I only felt happy when I would worship, pray, and do Zikr, because then I'm alone with the one who loves me and the one I love dearly.

Sometimes, you just need to block out the people in your life and just take Allah as your best friend. Trust me, it was better than any medicine could do.

Salam

Layla you are so sweet, thank you :) Life is a big test and inshallah we'll be rewarded for patience in heaven. I'll pray for you inshallah :) xx

I wish I could come and give you a hug :(

Anonymous · Answer

I understand where you're coming from. A part of me knows that my father only loved me a little because he had to, but I don't think he ever truly loved me. He loved my brother more. he once told me that he wished I was never born, and that was the day that my brother, a mere child, lost his scooter. I was not present at the time, but he always accused me of everything because I was older, because I was female, and because I disappointed him way too much. I was too lenient and forgiving and kind, while my father always saw the bad in people. He told me that my kindness would one day be my downfall. And he was right. Parents often say things because they love us, even though it sounds hateful, you have to block out the hateful words and find encouragement and love in them. My father never called me by my name till the day he died. Sometimes, I wonder if he ever regretted everything he'd done, and how he made me suffer every day. A part of me wanted him to die before he got taken ill. The main point is, though you may think your parents don't love you, they honestly do, in their own crazy way. Why do you think you still have a home? You have to find the positive things in this crazy thing called life. Be grateful for all you have, and at the same time, while misery eats you away, plan your future, because its your future that can get you far away from the past. I wish you good luck and fortune and may Allah (swt) watch over you and guide you.

Remember, life is a test, and only those who know how to balance everything out pass the test.

Salaam sister

Remember, life is a test, and only those who know how to balance everything out pass the test.

Salaam sister

Will · Answer

Salam sister'
I can relate to some of the things you are saying... I have no real friends either or know any muslims.. but I like people who are sensitive because that shows they have a heart :)
I believe marriage would be a good advice because then you woudln't be so alone anymore and have someone to support you

May Allah guide you

Anonymous · Answer

What else can I say do what's right  no matter what they do they still ur parents. Allah swt said even if they try to stop worshiping him . U treat thim as a friend

Susan · Answer

Wa alaikum Asalaam Layla

I feel for you sister,I really do.

Imam Al ghazali ra said
If you see Allah, Mighty and Magnificent, holding back this world from you, frequently trying you with adversity and tribulation…

Know that you hold a great status with Him. Know that he is dealing with you as He does with His ‘Awliya and chosen elite, and is watching over you. Have you not heard his saying,

“So wait steadfastly for the judgment of your Lord - you are certainly before Our eyes.” [Surah At-Tur 52:48]

Bear patiently inshaAllah..you're in my duas

Anonymous · Answer

Wa Alaikum Salam
Tell Allah and no one else
khair inshAllah

Zenith Getoverit · Answer

I guess you didnt do ur homework....(in deen)
Allah  has given us the weapon of life : ISLAM

Emma · Answer

What country are you from?

Anonymous · Answer

seratonin??...google it..
 its ur happy hormone.  im deficient in it! :)

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[Ramadan] I am feeling depressed .....?

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