What message is being sent?

I have a male friend of 17 years. In our younger days, we always had an attraction to one another and we got along so well, but either he had a girlfriend or I had a boyfriend. We kissed once, but just remained friends.

He was really there for me during a messy divorce while my son was diagnosed with autism. The problem is that he was engaged. I never did get to meet herthis woman because we lost contact for the years I was married. His parents knew her and really pressured him to settle down and have a family because he was turning 40 and they had previously dated for 6 years.

Our friendship grew into a hot and passionate romance. We knew it was wrong. I wrote him a heartfelt letter explaining how I felt about him and asked him to make a decision. His reply was, "The truth is, I am where I am in my life and I must move forward."

I backed off. He married her. We stayed in touch by email occasionally for holidays and such.

My mother passed away, and I sent an email to let him know. He surprised me and came to the funeral home dressed in his police uniform and assisted in the escort of cars from the funeral home to the church. He also had a beautifully written sympathy card and a large donation to a charity listed in the obituary. He did not get to speak to me that day. He had to go back to work.

I thanked him via email until I could send out a card. He said he would like to get together in the next two weeks.

Just curious, do you think he still has feelings for me? Was his act of kindness just a peace offering or more? I wonder if he really is truly happy with her. What message was he trying to give me by doing all that?

He has been married for six months, but I haven't seen him in 9 months because it was very painful to hang out with him when I feel the way I do. I do miss him.

Should I meet him?