How does appearance affect self-image/gender identity?

Very interesting question. I have to say that appearance DOES affect self-image (how could it not), but as to whether or not it could affect gender identity- I think that would more apply to the people who come in contact with you. People will always be judgmental; and first impressions are hard to deny-- and this is how others will interact with someone.

My personal spin on this-- I was always somewhat androgynous (or so I tried to be); and being of Asian descent really helped. Unfortunately, I was never really in a position to be overtly feminine although I was able to reach a compromise and came across more as a "hug-able Teddy bear" sort of "guy". On occasion, I would get yelled at for being too "girly", (and there were some memorable times this happened when I was in the Army), but generally people accepted me as a quiet, shy, and amiable "guy". Transitioning basically freed me up to live who I should have been without any pretenses or compromises.

I don't know if I really answered your question, but I tried to do my best.

And as a post-script, I, too, have no intention of outing myself on the internet; however, I did make the one exception with a link to one of my submissions on YouTube to give you an idea primarily what my vocal training was able to accomplish- at least as far as singing (at some point, if anyone so asks, I may try posting a sample of my actual speaking voice is like). Based on that "snippet", you now know what I look like, but I do generally guard my privacy pretty fiercely when it comes to my past.

I was sort of the "big Burly" type you spoke of...until I lost nearly 50 pounds.

I was the defensive end in high school and played the male game.

The most important fact I learned on the route to being accepted as a woman in public is that you look in that window or mirror and see what you could be.

Sure, being "girlish" in appearance makes transition easier on the outside but the transition mentally is what really matters.

I have known many beautiful "trans girls" who are nothing more than beautiful guys. They know nothing about what a real woman is about.

I find it interesting, the so called beautiful easy transitioning girls here have not posted a picture?

Some great answers already, so I'm going to take this in a slightly different direction. Give it another couple of generations. The media pressure is ramping up on young men. They figured out how to mess women up to get us to buy unneeded crap, so now they're working that same head trip on men. The difference right now is that women were raised by women who had been subjected to the same pressures, so we began learning to devalue ourselves before we could comprehend advertising. You guys at least had a chance to hit puberty before it began. Every August, my mom would take us out back-to-school shopping, When we got home, she'd send us off to try *everything* on for our father while she cooked dinner. He was a good enough trooper about it, but didn't really care. My mom's self-worth was caught up in the money she saved through her skill at shopping and she needed us to show it off to the bread-winner. So there I am, four years old, in the dress she's decided I'm going to wear to my first day at pre-school, with her multiplicity of anxieties around me, waiting for Dad to tell me I look pretty in it. This isn't about men being visual. This is about women teaching other women these messed-up values.