Astaghfirullah, I'm a bad daughter?

Question

For most of my life I've been a bad daughter to my mother. I've always wanted to change but I've never faced a greater challenge in my life. My mum verbally abuses me and tries to make me feel bad about myself. At the same time, she supports me financially and has always kept my education as one of the highest things on her priority list. 

I don't live with my mother anymore, which is good because this way I'm less likely to commit sins by being undutiful. However, I'm at her place now for the holidays and every day she makes me angry. I try not to feel this way, I try to obey her and change her opinion of me but I don't know why I can't succeed at this. She keeps throwing comments at me such as "I see that you haven't changed, you will never change" and "This is why everyone in your life will desert you". She tells my little sister, who has gained weight but is still nothing close to fat that she looks 4 months pregnant. There are so many other horrible things that she tells us but going into detail would take up too much space. My mum is the reason that I have low self-esteem. She also treats my older sisters far better than she treats me and keeps comparing me to them, it's been like this my whole life. She tells me to do all the housework while I'm here and hardly ever tells them to lift a finger. I get so angry at my mum that I sometimes cuss her underneath my breath and backbite her with my younger sister, astaghfirullah. When I'm angry enough I even talk back in a very rude way. I've so hard tried to stop behaving this way several times but my anger always gets the better of me.

What shall I do to stop myself from sinning? Should I distance myself from her and not even visit her during my uni holidays? Is there any way that I can stop myself from getting so angry at her all the time? Help :(.

? · Accepted Answer

Well i'm going  through the same thing but mine have an addition my elder sister. I can't avoid her because it is wrong in islam. I try to hold my anger when i'm around her i know i'm a better person than the way she describes me, more so i'm married so i hardly see her. One time she asked me to buy things for her and when i went with my husband to give her she said we both looked ugly and was making faces as if she didn't want to see us, i was thinking of cutting away myself but that's a wrong thing to do. I hope i get some answers here as to why a mother would treat her daughter badly and like some of her children and hate others astagafurullah i never felt loved when i'm with her.

? · Answer

Always pray n make dua sister n inshallah ur relationship with ur mother will become good
Always ask Allah for help 

Never disrespect ur mother cuz it will get worst n ur mother is gonna think u didnt change
Be nice to her ALWAYS no matter how disrespectful your mother will be

When you get angry jus close ur eyes n breath in n out til 10 n ask Allah for help 

Make duaa all the time!

? · Answer

You wouldnt blv what things my mom tells me when shes angry :( But thats just when she's angry, she's very sweet otherwise...sounds to me your mom is the same, she might be really frustrated these days abt something, it might be her concern towards you and your sisters or sth else :) All you can do, is try to improve your relations with her, be sweet to her, inshaAllah a time will come when she'll start loving you back :)

Unity · Answer

she gave birth to u and raised u and took care of u

think about the good that ur mom has done so you can pardone the little things


from my experience, parents wont ever change so just deal with it by convincing urself ur better than that and u want the reward of Allah

salam

Anonymous · Answer

No, you can't break family ties.
Learn patience through prayers....
Respecting parents is very important in Islam.

Anonymous · Answer

-What shall I do to stop myself from sinning? 
-Stop

She is your mother and I am very sure you can hide your anger during the SHORT time you visit her

? · Answer

SALAAM..YOU ARE CLEARLY BEING PUT UNDER TRIAL 
 QURAN--:ALLAH SAY's

    1. "We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15).

2. "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(17:23-24).
  my heart says subhanallah after reading this...subhanallah!!! Allah is great!!
HADITH FOLLOWS:-

2. A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim)

-- Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of Allah said: The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness (Bukhari, Muslim).). 
__

NOW AFTER READING THIS DO ONE THING GO AND HUG YOUR MOM SAY SORRY FOR BEING RUDE TO HER ALL YOUR LIFE..SAY HER THAT YOU LOVE HER.
    EVEN THOUGH SHE ABUSES YOU SMILE AND IGNORE HER ABUSES..BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR MOM SHE IS NOT ANY OUTSIDER WHO HURTS YOU...YOU WILL GET BEST REWARDS FROM ALLAH AS ALLAH IS GREAT,HE WILL PUT ANY ONE IN TRIAL TO TEST THEIR PATIENCE WITH HIS WILL....YOU ARE BEING TESTED,DO IT FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH...best of luck grab the rewards ..now go go n tell her sorry even if she is wrong,hug because she is your mom,and many dont have even mom ,many grow up just like orphans without mom...
                 MAY ALLAH GUIDE  U AND GUIDE ALL OF US SALAAM..!!!

? · Answer

firstly you can not break your link with your mother. But you can reduce your visits. You can phone her regular.

It is understandable that you are angry.

? · Answer

"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal." (Chapter31: verse14)

According to the above verse, gratitude to God and to parents go hand in hand. Gratitude to God is incomplete without showing gratitude to one's parents. Since being grateful to God is a form of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, it can therefore be said that being grateful to one's parents also earns heavenly rewards.

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (17: 23,24)

Some of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, and of the learned members of his family, about our responsibilities toward our parents are quoted here:

"Paradise lies under the feet of the mother."

"If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj."

"God has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents."

"I am God, and there is no deity except Me. I am pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and I am displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased."

According to a reliable tradition, it is related that a man came to Prophet Muhammad and asked him to whom he should render kindness. The prophet told him to be kind to his mother. Three times he put the same question to the prophet, and three times he got the same answer. When he asked the question the fourth time, he was told to be kind to his father, indicating that the mother's right took precedence over that of the father.

READ THIS:
http://www.ummah2.com/archives/blogs/982-the-mother-of-tests--balancing-islam-with-difficult-parents.html

My advice: VISIT YOUR MOTHER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. 
READ EVERYTHING I'VE GIVEN YOU AND UNLESS YOUR IGNORANT YOU WILL CHANGE!

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Astaghfirullah, I'm a bad daughter?

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