proof read my letter?

I appreciate that you have not done this before, so please don't take this as being mean-spirited, but in my opinon, your first draft is overly verbose, too tentative, repetitive, poorly structured, and the grammar and syntax needs work--all of which are likely to weaken your chances of a successful outcome. It also appears to contain extraneous information: you are applying to the SCCTC Teacher's Association, so presumably they are already aware of the costs and conditions for SCCTC courses.

Bearing in mind that I am a Brit, and thus unfamiliar with US college scholarship programmes in general (although I have written multiple application letters), below is an edited version, broadly using your original wording, but drastically tightened up. The only thing I can think of which you might want to add is a short paragraph explaining why you in particular deserve this scholarship (as opposed to any of the other prospective applicants!).

Even if this is not exactly what you wanted, I hope it will be a useful starting point for your second draft (which I would be more than happy to proofread, if you wish--mail me through Y!A):

April 25, 2011

myname

address

address cont.

Dear Sir/Madam,

[NB The actual name of the person considering your application would be better, if a single individual is responsible]

I hereby submit myself as a candidate to be considered for the 2011 SCCTC Teacher's Association Scholarship.

I will complete my senior year of high school this June[/July?]. In the months following graduation, I hope to attend the pharmacy technician classes offered by Scioto County Career Technical Center.

I am a diligent and capable student, having already completed the majority of my freshman college academic courses through Southern State Community College (please find attached copies of my completion certificates). I am confident that I will be able to achieve a sufficiently high score on the pre-entrance exam to be accepted into the pharmacy technician class.

The pharmacy technician program is not eligible for financial aid, and I cannot afford to self-fund my tuition and living expenses without assistance. This scholarship would significantly reduce my student loan debt burden.

I am grateful for the chance to be considered for this scholarship.

Sincerely,

myname

I think this is good. I wouldn't change anything, but I think that 'Pharmacy Technician' should have capitals. And also, I may be wrong, I'm not from America so I don't know how you write it, but I would make 'Senior High School year' capitalised too.

Hope you get the scholarship! Good luck!

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