Dating advice for a guy with Asperger's Syndrome?

Question

I am a 21 year old male with Asperger Syndrome, and I have started to return to the dating scene once again. Having Asperger's Syndrome, it's difficult for me to pick up social cues and connecting is harder than with most people.

How do I approach the subject of my condition? Do I reveal it early on or later?

I try to keep topics "safe", such as talking about my environmental work and the book I wrote. Things that won't make people uncomfortable. Is this a good idea, or should I take a few risks?

I try to follow this pattern where I try to ask a question after I reveal something about myself, like if I say that I have a pet I ask my date if she has a pet. Is this a good idea or is this too contrived?

I know these sound like dumb questions, but I genuinely don't know how to approach this. I would often talk in groups about how to make friends, but we never got to dating.

Thank you for help.

Miss Shunnary · Accepted Answer

Asking questions about the other person is always a good idea. Talking about yourself is also good. Try to go back and forth. Disclosure should happen within the first few dates. be prepared to explain it as fully as you can. If possible bring literature (pamphlets are best but a short book is good too), recommend books on the subject. When my boyfriend and I started dating I read Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (though I quickly learned to disregard the chapter on relationships). And the best advice I can give you when it comes to learning about women and how pick up on whether or not they like you is to read Cosmo. Most of it is crap but anytime they talk about body language and social cues they mostly know what they're talking about. That's where women learn how to flirt.

Anonymous · Answer

Hello. I'm not like an expert on Aspergers but I recently read a book on it and you're like briliiant(:
Um, I think you should tell the girl you have it, but that its no big deal. You can't pick up social cues but are otherwise smart and stuff(:
I don't think she would like it if you hide it as most people like to know.
Talking about safe topics is good, but it may get boring. Its a good conversation starter but maybe the girl may want to talk about other things, some other light subjects are movies, music or some late political news IF she likes politics.
Its a bit contrived but if you tell her about your pet and she says 'thats nice' means you shouldn't ask her but if she expresses her love for dogs or cats then you should ask her whether she has any pets or would like pets.
They're not dumb questions at all. They're quite normal oness. I hope you find someonee(:

Another idea, since you can't pick social cues easily is the complimenting.
You should compliment the girl on her hair or dress or anything and if she compliments you back like 'you too'its a short reply but if she's laughing and her body langauge is good, you should continue. Jokes are good, for breaking the ice and stuff.

Hope this helps.
Good luckk.
xx
Mari

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Dating advice for a guy with Asperger's Syndrome?

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