Why have we made marriage so difficult?

I think your making yourself feel pressured by those around you. what i mean is, you know majority of girls these days and their parents espeshially have high expectations of whom they want their daughters to marry. the western way of thinking, is as seen alot in films aswell. the successful man with fluent english, sky high grades in college, gotten some degree in university, a successful job/career that pays decent salary, has a beautiful but not too flashy house, a nice car or 2, lots of money in his bank to be there ready to support a single girl looking for a husband and able to send his kids to get good education and already set for their future. This is a dream guy, a seccessful prince charming and if hes got nothing.....not even one of these hes viewed at by many people as an un-educated low life or somthing, its reality. dont worry too much, there are MANY girls who dont have high expectations and dont want an expensive wedding and dont mind if their wedding dress is cheap. keep looking.

personally my mum wants me to marry a rich guy, but i would never tell her where im planning to live haha she would probally think im joking, im wanting to live in not a very wealthy country, there are many handsome men their. but i believe living in Australia and raising kids here is going to be difficult to keep them on the path of Islam, too keep them away from many haram things is not going to be easy as abc. even i find it hard to give up things like haram films, music, clothing.

i want a husband who has hardly anything in his house and dosent have much food. i want someone with good character and someone who is almost in a state of poverty

id rather have nothing in this life and have strong iman, rather then have everything and have no or low iman.

its hard to life in luxury and keep iman strong when im sourounded by signs of iblis in almost every direction.

I sort of agree with you that for some marriage is too easy to walk into and even easier for them to walk out of, I guess we all have mistakes and lessons to learn in life and if people want to get married good for them and if they end up hating each other and getting a divorce then fine, they have to foot the bill not us, I am very happy been married and have been for 22 years and wouldn't change a thing about my life with my lovely hubby, I am lucky but not everyone is, some people think marriage is going to be all they dreamt off only for it to end in tears and pain, some things are too easy to get into without a lot of thought, but what can you do if it is what they feel is the right thing for them, just be there to listen and try not to take sides, but a fee isn't the answer, more respect, love and honesty before, during and always is.

Yes we have, unfortunately.

Cultural prejudices have made it SOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard

Like you say, there are insha'Allah many reasonable sisters, who are religious

Unfortunately cultural prejudices make it very difficult to get married even when we have found a suitable person, because parents are so vehemently opposed to marrying to a different culture.

Sometimes i wonder whats worse? To marry some1 whom u love (having done istikhara of course) without parents' approval. Or to give in to the parent's wishes and be stuck in an unhappy marriage that you never wanted.

This the sample for biodata (girl)

- names.. some also have "caste system" khan/syed etc

- Age

- colour

- height

- weight

- education

- location ( new city or old city)

- muslim (sunni) nobody cares if shes really a muslim!!

UR DAUGHTER IS NOT AN "ITEM" TO BE SOLD THIS WAY!!

Aztakfirullah!

its SO silly and insane!

what good the above is gonna bring him !

nothing but make him her slave!

these things perish jus within a few yrs of marriage.

the couple dont live a peaceful life! once she lose her beauty...his eyes wander for others!

If u say all this to them, then u will be an "extremist" or "foolish"

make them more tensed and become and additional source of pain and if u dont then take ur aqirah at risk!

they can't sell their life for deen but they sell they deen for present life!

traditions they value!

May Allah guide us all

ameen

Addtionals once the 'talk' proceeds:

-Marital background (i.e. she must be a virgin, cuz no one today dares marry a non virgin i.e. divorced/ widowed woman)

-"family status" i.e. how much money/dowry are their parents going to give their daughter.

-"wedding customs" = " deen " : which customs will be followed and which 'rasms' must be done during and after the wedding.

i.e. some rasms during wedding:

joota chhupai, sehra bandhai,etc.

some rasms (traditions) after wedding, and in post marital lifestyle:

obeying mother in law in all 'halal and haram' matters, cooking food for household, being a tamed slave of the house and its members, etc.

-Manners: does she talk loudly or get angry or is she 'talkative'? etc.

-clothes: does she wear 'modern/trendy' clothes? e.g. sleeveless shirts? and consider wearing other haram options! e.g. intermingling with opposite gender etc.

(if she considers some 'haram' actions to be 'halal', then she is called 'open minded' otherwise, she 'HAS TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE' )

the WORST of all is

they marry girls without their concet, as a part of their tradition

Salam Do not be despair .Life is easy and marriage is not so difficult in Islam Allah has determined your spouse so you have to search her with maximum efforts at last you will find her.In Islam mahr or wedding gift should not make difficulty to the bride groom so Muhammad pbuh said it can be in the form of an iron ring.But in modern society there many muslims who are materialists so they hope to meet a rich and handsome guy Most of them are irreligious muslim women.You should keep be patient to find out the best one.

FWI im westernized and my main goal in life is to be a mother and nurture my family and my husband. i'm not muslim but my boyfriend is and im going to convert when the time is right to get marries. Yes it might be haram but we are soul mates. Theres too much pressure of perfect marriages in islam. My boyfriends brother had an arraigned marriage from pakistan but he cant stand his wife and during engagement he fell in love with a canadian muslim from Somalia. U cant force love it just happens and that doesn't mean your a bad muslim.

I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children.

This ebook is a good resource to understand causes of your marital issues and to learn some important tips --> http://savemarriage.toptips.org/

We? Who are "we"?

I feel just about the same way.

I just hope the Imams will help guide the young people.

EDIT

My Imam introduced me to the sister who is now my wife.

The Imams can do a lot of good when it comes to marriage.

Asalam wr wb

I AGREE May Allah bless you brother.

Salam wr wb :)