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How can I improve my short story?
My short story is called Rotten Milk! I'm having trouble putting character into the speaking lines. It's dry. Also, if you find anything else that could be improved, I would much appreciate it.
"Sophia, can you put this in the recycling bin?"
I look up from the drooling, sparkly-eyed baby cooing over a feather I was teasing him with.
"Ugh, Sophia. I have already told you NOT to do that. Please give me the feather and take this milk jug."
I shot an evil glance over at Silas, but he didn't react. Instead, he busied himself over picking up small crumbs from the kitchen floor and shoving them up his nose.
"It's just not fair," I though to myself,"He never gets in trouble, just because he's a baby. I'll show him..."
I scooped up the plastic jug and saw that there was still some stinky white liquid left inside. Without thinking twice, I poured the milk onto his head, provoking him into screaming, tearful hysterics.
3 Answers
- ?Lv 710 years agoFavorite Answer
Does it have to be that short?
Pouring sour milk on a baby is a pretty bad thing to do. You have to give her a little bit more of a reason to do so. I'd start the story like this:
"Sophia, can you put this in the recycling bin?"
I looked up from the baby who was flinging the last of his food all over me and the surrounding area, giggling all the while.
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So you should get rid of the feather since it adds nothing, and make the baby an immediate annoyance to her so the reader will better sympathize with her.
- Anonymous10 years ago
When you have a character you should be able to tell someone everythign about them, from their favourite colour to the colour of their house. You dont' ahve to say it in the text, but you should know. If you know your characters that well, then you won't ahve as much of an issue with dialogue, it'll write itself. Your character should be able to have such a defined voice that you dont' have to stop and think about it.
Try adding detail to your scenery, i assume we're in a kitchen. Is it new? did you jsut move? Have you lived here your entire life? Describe the characters around you can compare them to yourself. now we ahve an idea of the place, the people and hopefully the main character. Is this kid your sibling your cousin? we don't really know. Do you love him or do they annoy you. If they annoy you, they should annoy us to. Maybe tell a story as a flash abck of what they've done before.
Add emotion along with thought and actions. You also want to describe the tastes, smells, what you hear what you feel (physically and emotionally). again, painta picture and make it real.
remember, a short story is a short story as long as it is under fifty pages. you can extend this and make it seriously incredible, jsut try to apply MORE to it.