Do bridesmaids typically pay for EVERYTHING?

It really depends. In some families it is normal for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, accessories, hair and make up and throw the bachelorette party and others the only thing they pay for is the bachelorette. So there isn't a definite rule on it. Its seems strange though that one would expect the bridesmaids to pay for anything but the bachelorette party though because you asked them to be in your wedding so it seems somewhat rude to me.

I agree with nova_que, although it would be helpful for you to give specifics what she's asking you to pay for. Hair, make-up, nails - these are all things that she should pay for if she requires them. I didn't require any of it when I got married, but I did have a lady available if they wanted help.

But if you're close enough to be in her wedding, I also don't get why you can't talk to her about this. For example, $170 is very pricy for your dress. However....on the shower and bachelorette, these aren't required by any means. They happen if one of the girls offers, and it's usually the MOH. So you wouldn't talk to the bride about them, but if costs are adding up, there's no reason you can't tell the MOH or another bridesmaid that you all need to decide what, if anything, you're throwing for her, and what your budget is.

So the MOH should also be talking to you about this. I've heard some horror stories where the MOH arranges some sort of pricy bach/shower and then the bridesmaids wig out. Don't spend more than you can afford, obviously. But don't invite trouble by not talking about it, because someone has to bring it up if the MOH doesn't.

Edit: There's a lot of bad online "etiquette" out there. The rule is simple: in the US, bridesmaids pay for dress and shoes. Anything else - especially jewelry they may never wear again - is paid by the bride. I've been in 6 weddings counting my own, and have NEVER had my hair or make-up done except once when the bride's aunt was a hairdresser.

EDIT (again!) - If the MOH is on the opposite coast, I strongly urge you to include her in planning and also get her portion of costs BEFORE the event. If your friend does want a shower or bachelorette, it wasn't smart to pick a MOH that far away, and in most cases, she's not going to pay you anything at the wedding. Whoever starts to plan this needs to know upfront what she'll pay and needs to get that money. The bride has put you in a tough position, which will be a little more obvious once you start the actual planning. There's no reason to assume the MOH won't attend one or both of them.

I think it is ridiculous to ask a bridesmaid to pay for so much. I may be bias because two of my bridesmaids are poor Uni students, but I think that it is my responsibility as bride to foot a lot of the cost because it's my dang wedding. Why should my friend/sisters have to dip significantly into savings for my wedding?

I am asking the girls to pay for their own dresses, but I think this is fair as I have only specified that they wear an unadorned, knee length black dress that is either satin or chiffon. This is something that if they choose to buy (all of them already have stunning dresses that would be appropriate) they would be able to wear again. Same with shoes and boleros.

Accessories however I believe are my responsibility, their jewellery and clutches will be a gift from me. Flowers are also a bride's responsibility, as are butoboutonnieres corsages. Hair and make up I also think to be my responsibility, I could not justify asking them to shell out $150 each just so that my wedding photos look good and so I don't look overly done up next to them.

Bridal and Bachelorette parties are difficult. I do not expect a lot for a shower, so I do not think it unreasonable that the girls would host, those brides however that expect elaborate showers should offer to share costs or discreetly ask their mother to help out the bridesmaids.

EDIT: Although I would never expect a gift from anyone, it is still typically required of Bridesmaids to provide a wedding present. Some brides even require shower gifts from her bridesmaids which is just plain ridiculous as they are throwing your party, I would just feel around and see if you can decipher what your Bride requires of you.

i think you should help her overcome her budget. if you could save her a lot on buying your own dresses then perhaps she could use the money to make it into a better, prettier wedding. And it's all due to you, and as you say you are very best friends, she will remember and repay all of you for the kindness. It's not tacky, it's unselfish and kind. if you can't buy a new dress with your own money consider borrowing from your mother or even wear something nice and formal if you have it in your wardrobe. Think about how much expenses could be saved! Dresses are expensive nowadays. If she has four bridesmaids and each dress cost around $200 and above, it would mean almost $1000, which could go into the decorations or even a better gown! Go for it and help her! She'll help you at your wedding too, don't forget!

Oh, my friend... This is a delicate subject in wedding world. I'm currently planning my wedding for next summer, and this has been an issue to come up since day one. Some do, some don't. I've spent countless hours online about this, and from what I can tell unless the bride has an unlimited wedding budget (very few do!), the bridesmaids usually pay for their dresses, hair/makeup (you could always do your own... I did my own as a bridesmaid once), accessories (think shoes, jewellery, if she wants your to wear gloves, etc), bachelorette party, showers, and the wedding gift. I've never heard of a bridesmaid paying for her own flowers. I personally feel like it's too much to expect to from my bridesmaids, but I don't have a huge budget either so I think we're gonna go 50/50 on dresses, and they can wear whatever shoes they please as long as they look decent, and I personally hate showers and parties like that because I hate being put on the spot so they don't have to worry about anything like that. I haven't decided on hair and makeup yet. But I completely agree it is way too much for everyone to cover. When I asked my girls to be in our wedding, I asked if they would be willing to cover some of the expenses because weddings are just super expensive and they were okay with it. Sounds like she should have mentioned something during the asking as well. Remember, it's not too late to back out if you can't handle it.

Obviously, you can see that there's A LOT of gray area with this subject. It's not just 'yes the bride pays for everything' or 'no, the bride pays for nothing'. The way I look at it is that if the bride insists on a certain hairstyle, a specific way nails are done, a specific pair of shoes, etc. then the bride is responsible for those things. However, if the bride simply says "any old black pair of shoes will be fine" then the bridesmaid is free to find whatever works best for her at a price point she can afford.

Personally, for me, I had one bridesmaid who was willing to spend a lot and one who wasn't. So, I spent a lot of time with each of them finding a dress that was in each of their price range. Some brides probably would've subsidized the expensive dress for them both, but I didn't have the money to do that so invested time instead of money to make everyone happy.

I also, personally, feel that the bride can buy her own drinks (or plane ticket) at her bachelorette party. There's no reason to let the bridesmaids pick up the entire tab for that. As for the shower, that's up to each individual bridal party and shower host. The gift question is a bit sticky. I would never have expected gifts from my bridal party. I mean, obviously, they're always nice to get but just having the girls there was enough. I got a set of handmade grocery bags from my MOH (which are AWESOME) and a picture frame from my other bridesmaid, I think. Neither was expensive, but I appreciated the time that went into each gift.

Bridesmaids do typically pay for what they're wearing (dresses, shoes, jewelry, etc). They also pitch in for the parties, and yes, you do give small gifts. Granted, $170 is pretty high for a bridesmaid's dress, but cost is something you have to consider before you accept the honor of being a bridesmaid. I've known people who can't afford it who gently explain that, thank the bride for her consideration, but state that they cannot be a bridesmaid. But if you do want to be a bridesmaid, yes, it does get pretty pricey.

It really depends on the couple getting married and their budget and opinions.

In the U.S., bridesmaids do typically pay for expenses such as dress and shoes. They pay for accessories unless the bride chooses to give those as her bridal party gift. As for hair and make-up...if the bride is requiring that they be professionally done, SHE should be paying for them. However, if she's allowing you to do it yourself and you choose to get it done professionally anyway, you should pay for it.

I know the UK is different though. There the tradition is the bride and groom pay for the wedding party's expenses.

Regardless of all of that though, brides and grooms make a personal choice when they decide what they're requiring of their wedding party. Some choose to pay for all of their expenses while others choose to ask the wedding party to pay for their own expenses. It sounds like the bride you're dealing with is the latter and she's not necessarily in the wrong to be asking you to be paying for some of these things. It's a well known fact that being in the wedding party can turn into a large financial responsibility. When accepting her invitation, you should expect to be at least paying for your dress and shoes.

As for the bachelorette and bridal parties, these are NOT required of the bridal party. Those who CHOOSE to throw it should be paying for it. But if you can't contribute financially, just say so.

Wedding gifts are 100% optional. Don't feel obligated. You'll be spending between $250 and $500 anyway. If you can't afford it, don't do it.

Bridesmaids normally pay for their dress, shoes, accessories. They normally chip in for the bridal shower & bachelorette party -- but these need to be kept in scale with what the 'maids can afford, a bride should not be demanding who/what/where/when on these parties.

Hair & makeup are supposed to be paid for by the bride if she tells you that you must have them done professionally. If the pro is optional, then the 'maid can choose to pay to have a pro do their hair & makeup or do it herself.

Flowers are normally paid for by the couple out of wedding expenses.

Gifts are always optional, but If I were someone's bridesmaid I would still get them a gift -- maybe not as costly since I am shelling out alot for other things, but I would still give one.

Depends on where you are. in the US yes the bridesmaid shells out majorly for the 'honour'. Some brides do it the European way, but they are the minorty

In Europe the bridesmaid and groomsmen items are considered to be part of the responsibility of the bride and groom and if the bridesmaid has to pay it is considered to be rather rude and tacky