How Would You Respond/React If Your Daughter Was Molested By Her Brother?

Question

My oldest brother, who is roughly 6.5 years older than me molested me for years up until I was 12. After it stopped, we swept the incest under the rug, yet still interacted with each other. When I turned 17 (and had memories of the incest), I began to be angry with him and distant. My brother now is in jail (for the 2nd time) and has reached out and apologized via a letter. I haven't responded. 

My parents began to question my actions in regards to me not keeping in touch, and I eventually told my mother. I made my mother promise to not tell anyone. My mother responded with anger towards me and is upset with me that I didn't tell her when it was going on. With my brother being locked up, she has still communicated with him and has visited him while he's being incarcerated. She is happy about his release and she can't wait to see him. My mother has apologized that this has happened but she has not taken any further action in being there for me.

I personally am upset with my mom because I feel that she should be responding differently. I feel like if it was anybody else, she would advocate for me. In my opinion, she hasn't done so in any way. I fear telling my dad and brother because I fear that they won't believe me or they will minimize what happened. Because I am doing well in life and have a lot going for me, I feel like they will think that I'm okay when this actually eats me up daily.

My question for parents, how would you respond if your daughter informed you of this type of incest? Would you stand by your daughter in pressing charges against your son? Would you cut ties and cease communication thus, exiling him? What would you do? Lastly, can you empathize with my mother in why she's ignoring the incest? Parents only, please respond.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Tell your dad and prepare to cut yourself off from the family. Let him know that this went on from age 6 to 12 under their roof. Your mother doesn't see that anything can be done now that it's in the past. I imagine the statute of limitations would have expired if it's almost 10 years now. Maybe your dad will do something to make things right. If not, you are better off moving away and starting a new life. It will hurt to leave them behind, but if they are not making any attempt to atone for the past, then they are dismissing you.

MFS · Answer

You need to get professional help to get through this. It would be helpful if your family were able to be there with you to give you the support that you need. I , as a parent of both boys and girls, would feel my heart breaking for both of you. Because your brother is already in jail, it would be easier as a mother to keep him away from the family.While I might love my son, I would hate what he did to you. During your own treatment , you will figure out if you can forgive him or not. I would also be worried that he might be molesting other children. What is he in jail for now? Definitelyseek help!

Anonymous · Answer

Well as a mother, & a daughter, I know that it's hard to beilive one child or another, I would beilive you, I would also be upset that you didn't tell me when it was going on & we could have had the problem solved then & none of this would happen.. But, I would also sit you & your brother infront of each other & we would all speak to each other about the situation. I would also be a little distant with my son, & get you and him professional help. I hope this helps.

Anonymous · Answer

well, i would stand by my daughter to press charges. if someone were to do such a thing they are no longer family and since hes an adult now he doesnt need his mom or dad. he wouldnt be included in birthdays, christmas or any other holidays. i know this might seem a bit harsh but thats not right at all. family are suppose to take care of eachother not molest eachother.

Anonymous · Answer

I personally feel like you should just contact the police because odds are when you tell your mom she would just yell or try to do something herself to your brother and beg you not to press charges, if you family is anything like mine.

? · Answer

My reaction? Jail time. 

I'm sorry your parents aren't good ones, cut them out of your life and disown them.

Anonymous · Answer

Please get professional help.

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How Would You Respond/React If Your Daughter Was Molested By Her Brother?

7 Answers