Loaned best friend money a year ago, she hasn't paid back what should I do?

Question

Ok this is going to be a little long but I have to explain the history first.
Me and we will call her Kaye have been bff since we first met 13 years ago. We would talk to each other several times a day, were in each others wedding, and on and on you get the point. We have NEVER gotten into fight or even had an argument for that matter.  Ok so we kept in touch but hadnt seen each other in about a year and a half. We both moved and she had  a baby in the mean time. So on 4th of July weekend last year I went to visit her and her family. I brought $600 worth of toys and clothes for her baby cause i felt bad when she told me that he didnt have many toys, and her and her husband and child were living with her parents. So on the second day of my visit she asks me if they can borrow about $2000 dollars because they are getting an apartment but wont have the money to get in it until the 15th and they need it by the 10th or the place is going to someone else. She promised me that she would pay me back as soon as she got paid on the 15th. I said it was fine ( I know how miserable it can be to be married and living with your parents ) so the next day we went to the apartment complex, I wrote a check for $1750 for first, last, and deposit, and gave Kaye $400 cash for electric deposit.  When we get back and discuss everything we decide together that it would be best if they had some fall back money so instead of paying me back in full they would pay me $500 on the 15th and then $300 a month on the 15th until the loan was paid off, I had Kaye, her husband and I sign a promisary note agreeing to this. On the 16th she sent me the $500. the next month she called me at the end of the month apologizing for not paying and that she would send the payment in the next week or two, which I said was fine. she called me and said that they were struggling and she was pregnant I felt bad so we agreed that she would pay back with their income tax return. We stayed in touch I never brought up the money until the end of May, surely her return would be back by then. When I called her she said that they had not even filed yet and that when they did get the return it would have to go to fixing their car. Fastforward to now. I am still her friend, I miss the fact that we dont talk that much. But thats not my fault. I will call her almost daily, and have only brought up the money twice in 1 year because my husband was asking about it ( cause in reality it was his money too that they borrowed.) I understand she is busy with her two kids, but she always has an excuse and wont talk to me. To show that there were no hard feelings I even bought a bunch of clothes for her baby and mailed them to her in April. The second and last time I asked about the money she said they feel bad and are really struggling but would start to send something each month to show appreciation, She offered $40 a month which I said was fine, and hasnt sent a dime that was months ago. 

If she was still acting like my friend and would talk and hang out it wouldnt be so bad, but the fact that she has thrown our friendship away is what makes me sad. So what should I do??? Should I just say screw it and not talk to her anymore and forget about the money or do something to get it back??? She still owes $1650 and part of that is my husbands money.

Leo · Accepted Answer

This ones tough. I would say do what you and your husband decide because like you said its his money too. It's personal so on one hand I'd want to forgive her for the money and just say something like consider it your birthday present for the next 5 years or something along those lines. You feel sorry for her and you have a feeling she's struggling and since you care you don't want to make things worse. On the other hand it's business so you lent the money in good faith, she has not sent a payment in awhile, nor does it seem as if she will so obviously you want answers. Here's what I would do.

Solution #1: If I was a christian. I would tell her everything. Then sincerely tell her that I care about our friendship and tell her not to worry about the money. I'd be doing a good deed and it would be remembered. After all it's just money and the Lord would someday repay me. Perhaps I may be in a similar predicament one day.

Solution #2. If I was not a christian. I would tell her everything. Then demand some answers. I would tell her that I want/need the money back and that its been awhile. If we could not agree, she was unreasonable, or simply did not want to pay it back. Then to hell with the friendship, I'd sue her and get my money back one way or another. After all its only business.

I'm sure the main thing your wondering is if she really can afford to pay you back or not. How would you know? If you do solution 1 and then find out she had money to pay you all along that would tick you off. If you did solution 2 found out that you contributed to making her life even more miserable that would hurt. Then there's the question to whether you should've helped in the first place. We're human and we suffer, its part of life. Sometimes people need to learn how to overcome a challenge to become stronger. If people choose not to overcome the challenge they're facing or have someone help/solve it for them then it only makes them weaker. There will not always be someone there to help. On the other hand if you let her keep the money, therefore solving her problem, you become stronger because now you are without the money.

In the end it just depends on your personality and perspective.

♥Sali90♥ · Answer

You can either forget about the money and learn never to lend any more cash to anybody again, or you can take the promisary note to a lawyer and get legal advice on how to get repaid.

Either way your friendship is doomed, there will always be bitterness between you, if you do nothing to get the money back. If you do try and get it back via a lawyer, they will be unhappy about being forced to repay you. 

The money they borrowed was partly your husband's too and your loyalties should lie with him, not these greedy "friends".

You have been very generous to them and they haven't really shown their appreciation. You deserve better so stop giving them chances and seek legal advice asap. I hope you get your money back, good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Well it sounds to me like you've tried a lot to get that money back. Why don't you take a drive to her house and ask her what's going on, and why she isn't paying you back. It will seem rude, but refuse to leave until she explains herself. If she gets nasty, take her on in a small-claims court. If you still have that agreement with your signatures, then she's legally obligated to pay you back. It's harsh, but when push comes to shove, this is how it's gotta be. It might ruin your friendship, but that's your money that she's building her life upon, and she owes you that.

? · Answer

Rule is never to "lend" money to friends or family. If you can't afford to "gift" it, then just say sorry. That is unless you get a written IOU promissory note. You always run the risk of estranging friends or family over money matters when it comes to loans.  If your husband insists, then take them to small claims court and fight the battle there, otherwise forgive the loan and move on, with or without your friend.

Sweetdaddy Rex · Answer

Small claims court ! She is not a TRUE friend . Make sure you have all the proof/paperwork with you, when you go to court !  I had to do that once ! Took 5 years to get back  $ 1000.00 !

linda101 · Answer

too long, got distracted about 2 lines in, but you're not getting paid back. Get over it and move on.

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Loaned best friend money a year ago, she hasn't paid back what should I do?

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