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What do you all think of my lyrics?
this is the first time i've ever even tried to write a song so i know it wont be good, but some suggestions on how to make it better would be greatly appreciated.
She was nineteen, I was twenty
We first met back in high school
After graduation, i moved away
and after a couple of years,
we got back in touch
We start talking about the good ol' days
and then we started to learn a lot about each other
come to find out that she's the perfect gal for me
and i was the perfect man for her
After a short while of getting to know each other,
I built up the courage to ask her out,
she responds with an "i dont know at the moment"
and after that i bawled up in tears
What have I done to deserve an aswer like that?
I thought it would be a perfect love.
Was there something I did wrong?
Or something i could've done better.
We still talk like nothing had changed,
but in my heart i can still feel the pain
Oh Lord, what caused an answer like that?
Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
Please tell me what i had done
to receive an answer like that.
2 Answers
- Anonymous10 years agoFavorite Answer
It's not bad, it may need tweaking a bit, but if left as a soliloquy, it's quite good. A soliloquy is a form of poetry, where there isn't any rhyme in the piece. Put it away for a few weeks maybe, and have another look at it, you may see its missing something. I've been writing for roughly fourty years now.
- 10 years ago
its pretty good it doesn't rlly rhyme so i see it more as a poem but i like it :)