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What do you all think of my lyrics?

this is the first time i've ever even tried to write a song so i know it wont be good, but some suggestions on how to make it better would be greatly appreciated.

She was nineteen, I was twenty

We first met back in high school

After graduation, i moved away

and after a couple of years,

we got back in touch

We start talking about the good ol' days

and then we started to learn a lot about each other

come to find out that she's the perfect gal for me

and i was the perfect man for her

After a short while of getting to know each other,

I built up the courage to ask her out,

she responds with an "i dont know at the moment"

and after that i bawled up in tears

What have I done to deserve an aswer like that?

I thought it would be a perfect love.

Was there something I did wrong?

Or something i could've done better.

We still talk like nothing had changed,

but in my heart i can still feel the pain

Oh Lord, what caused an answer like that?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

Please tell me what i had done

to receive an answer like that.

2 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's not bad, it may need tweaking a bit, but if left as a soliloquy, it's quite good. A soliloquy is a form of poetry, where there isn't any rhyme in the piece. Put it away for a few weeks maybe, and have another look at it, you may see its missing something. I've been writing for roughly fourty years now.

  • its pretty good it doesn't rlly rhyme so i see it more as a poem but i like it :)

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